The Ostrich and the Flowers - fable

There was once a lovely lady ostrich. Her name was Matilda. She always got her own way and many male ostriches fell in love with her because of her immense beauty. She was however as proud as she was beautiful, and after playing along for a while, she would leave them broken hearted.
This was back in the days when some animals still possessed magical qualities. The actions of Matilda came to the attention of one such ostrich named Christopher. This magician decided to go see this proud lady himself.
He brought along a bunch of magical flowers which were enchanted to shrink pride. Once he met Matilda, he discovered that she was even prouder then he thought. Christopher mumbled a few magical words to activate the enchanted flowers.
However, Matilda began to shrink because she was made of pride. Before he could stop the enchantment, she had shrunk to the size of a duck. The rest of her days she was ridiculed by the other ostriches, and humbled by her own pride.

Moral:
Pride comes with its own price.

Heya there! Meadow again A fable, neat. Never reviewed a fable before

And so, since I'm having trouble actually doing what I usually do (which is complain about the lack of description and such), I'll just point out mere grammar errors and ask a question or two. 'Tis a fable after all

She was however as proud as she was beautiful, and after playing along for a while, she would leave them broken hearted.

Trap however between two commas. You'll be able to tell where a comma needs to go because there is a natural pause. Reading your sentences aloud helps you find these natural pauses.

This was back in the days when some animals still possessed magical qualities.

Animals possessed magical qualities? When?

This magician decided to go see this proud lady himself.

You never mentioned anywhere before that the magic posessing critters were magicians. You can have magic and not be a magician.

Christopher mumbled a few magical words to activate the enchanted flowers.

That's it? Just mumbled a few words? He didn't have to flutter a wing over them or anything? I know it's a fable, but still...xD

Also, wouldn't he have activated the magical spell on the flowers, instead of activating the flowers themselves? Sounds like their robotic or something

However, Matilda began to shrink because she was made of pride.

...she was made of so much pride. Everyone is prideful, others more than most so putting so much in there will better your sentence. (I'm very prideful myself. Hope I don't shrink).

~~~~~

Well, it was rather interesting fable. But you're right with the moral. Pride does come with its own price (found that out myself).

Yet, I find the way you showed it with the magic flowers and such didn't really go. Well, then again, I've read all of Aesops (however you wanna spell his name)fables so I'm used to fables being like his xD. So that's my own opinion. I would think having Matilda's pride be bent down naturally with either belittlement or everyone finally disgracing her because of her..er..disgusting(?) ways.

All in all though, a good fable.

I feel that this fable doesn't really teach a lesson. The ostrich's pride does not directly result in her being turned into a chicken. You could be more creative with this, and make her pride make her do something that makes her be shrunk. You don't even show how she is prideful.

Oh, and the part where you say a magician shrunk her is really weird. Cause you didn't really mention magicians before then... It was really random.

-Lena

To make it less explanatory ("This was back in the days when some animals still possessed magical qualities") consider having just a magician come to her and give her the flowers. You don't have to specify who the magician is or how he came about or whatever... this is a fable, after all. If proud ostriches can exist, magicians can exist!