The Goals Saga: Part One: The School House: Chapter One

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Hi Tariq!

Tariq Muhammad wrote:
*These topics are described in full concern

We hide in the shadows
Stay out of the light
We're vampires in morn'
Demons at night

What is the cause?
Pop culture I suppose?
Vampire Daries (Diaries, I'm guessing)
and Twilight Shows

Vampire's Assistant,
Pitch-black books,
Horrible Habits,
and dirty looks (Try not to capitalize everything)

We are vampires
Of the worst type
Instead of disease
We pass on the hype

The hype that says,
"I want to go to school,
But not to learn:
To break every rule.

To kill the tradition
Rewrite every text
To date everyone
Of the opposite sex”

Call of Duty games
Cosmo Girl Magazines
The kids on Degrassi
Are in my worst dreams

We love the hype
Like it’s a spouse
I will start with our home
The neighborhood school house

-----***-----
So this a good poem and I like the flow. But the use of vampires here somehow bugs me. It doesn't seem quite right. (Oh well, it just might be my head.)
And I don't quite seem to get the last 2 lines.

Keep writing!
~Lava

Hey Tariq,

Seemingly not a bad effort put in here. I'm not too clear what you're getting at though; your introduction briefed us on things that ruin highschool and the likes, and hereon you're talking about vampires and such. If this is a parallelism to evil, forgive me if I sound dense. I do, also, understand if you're using vampires as a metaphor.

However! I can't say for certain what this makes me think. I'm not sure; it gave off a different impression than your intro. I think that instead of focusing on such a big issue as a whole, Tariq, you should take time and focus on one tiny part at a time. Remember, as I said to you, it's a matter of self reflection.

June