Twist

This may be a little confusing, so I'm hoping for some advice. Please review!

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What dictates what’s real or not
What changes fate and makes it hard
Who makes things grow and has things rot
What makes us see what we’ve become

Why do we leave the world for what it is
When do we hear and smell and see
The changes that the things we bring
Make for the world as we

Turn this reality upside down
Twist the ways and fool the truth
Cheat on real and dreaming crown
Leave the evidence of the proof
That we’re just fooling ourselves

It’s all we can do is be strong
To love and laugh and live
Even if the rest of the world seems wrong
Maybe there’re good things we can still give

Reality loses a grip on us
We drag behind the weight of life
But when we’re looking at the dust
What can we do but leave the knife and

Turn this reality upside down
Twist the ways and fool the truth
Cheat on real and dreaming crown
Leave the evidence of the proof
That we’re just fooling ourselves

Because we’re alone in our minds
But we stretch and learn to be more
We find the world and its tough binds
A little less hard than we thought it had in store
We’re begging and we’re blind
Yet still there’s always more and more

Turn this reality upside down
Twist the ways and fool the truth
Cheat on real and dreaming crown
Leave the evidence of the proof
That we’re just fooling ourselves

Gasp! No one has reviewed this yet?

Hey Anna; June here.

I like the images and play on words that you have here. Creativity speaks in this, but as I read, I felt that I was simply being intrigued by the pattern of words on the screen rather than what you were telling us.

You had a fair start here, dearie, and as the poem continued, you sustained interest. Your organization in words is nicely done, and I think you need to highlight a little more with them. You're talking about being done with reality and such -- images that play with minds in interesting ways, but I'm not quite sure what you're getting at.


Try not to use repetition so much, because, as a friend of mine said, "When it's said once in poetry, it's said forever, unless you can get it to mean another thing" (which, in hindsight IS a really arguable statement, but...).

Nicely done, Anna. Thumbs up for writing something that makes me think.

Keep writing,
June

It was a good poem all in all. I could have review this poem properly but am browsing with my phone. But there are a few tips i hope they are helpful
Stanza 1 contain a few gramatical error the use of pass tense with present tense
Stanza 2 was totally confusing I didn't get the idea.
Stanza 5 and 6 should merge because of the and ending 5 and 6 was a reption.
Keep up the good work