Friends

Just a little ditty I wrote for one of my stories a loooooong time ago... Enjoy!

Nothing that the world can do
Will ever separate us two.

Naught but death can break the spell
That we two have woven well.

As turtledoves are works of art,
We, friends, are one true heart.

Hiya! Just here for a little grammar help!
My corrections are in bold.

Nothing that the world can do
Will ever separate us two.As you can see, I switched the will and the ever. It just sounds better that way.

Naught but death can break the spell
That we two have woven well.

As turtledoves are works of art,
We, two friends, are one true heart.So this is a very small thing, but I don't think you should put two here. You already say it above, there is no need for it!

Well, there wan't much to correct since the poem is so small. I did like it, though. It was, as I like, short, sweet, simple, and to the point. Good job! I love your poetry.

Thanks, captain.classy!

Saw your point- edited it in - smiled at the results

Happy holidays!

~Mel

Hey Kate!

A short, sweet poem. I like this -- I felt it's concise enough to be enjoyable (and for some off reason, I see this engraved on lockets... don't ask). I think the end came a little suddenly -- not that you should drag this out, but I think the end should be more graceful. It needs to close the poem daintily, otherwise, as we have here, it seems unfinished.

June

I'll definitely work on the end... Thanks, June!

!syadiloH yppaH (I wanted to see how it looked )

~Mel

Wow, short but meaningful. I liked it.

MKate wrote:We, friends, are one true heart.

It sounds like your addressing us, the audience when you say this line, which I don't think was your intention. But it works really well, if you're trying to say "My dear friends, view our eternal love. We are one true heart."
I think it's a good line, I'm just a little unsure of your meaning.
Besides that, it was short and sweet on a well-beaten subject while not feeling stale.
xxooxx
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