Remembering her

Standing all by myself in silent moonlight,
Tears find their way out through my eyes,
With empty feelings I look at the stone,
Hoping to recollect times happier.

The loneliness sings a lullaby to me,
One that cannot induce any sleep,
Whistling winds tell me many a ghost stories,
Those that no longer can scare me.

Where are the promises of youth's sunshine?
Why don't these dark clouds bring any rain?
Why did gloom come right back onto my face?
When joy had just begun its term.

So much left to stay...but of no use now
Joyful memories...all short lived
Your heavenly voice...silent forever
Is this the price of happiness?

Conquer your death,come back to life again;
Fill my incomplete existence;
Build a bridge back to the once joyful past;
So our two souls can reunite.

No sign from you...your grave still as it was.
The winds will not say your name...why?
For one moment ...return to life
And let the Sun shine just once more.

Hey Gun! Here to review!

Nitpicks

Whistling winds tell me many a ghost stories,

"stories" should be "story" seeing as you added in the "a" before ghost. (Which I really like, by the way.)

Where are the promises of youth's sunshine?
Why don't these dark clouds bring any rain?
Why did gloom come right back onto my face?
When joy had just begun its term.

You know what? Each of these questions could really become their own stanza. The first line I absolutely love, so I'd like to see you expand it more and work in some lovely thoughts/imagery to it! Actually, thinking about it, I pretty much love all of the first lines. So definitely a good stanza to expand.

So much left to stay...but of no use now;
Joyful memories...all short lived;
Your heavenly voice...silent forever;
Is this the price of happiness.

The semi-colons are burning my eyes. One or two scattered around is nice, but this is really too much. Also, I'm not really a fan of the ellipses here.

Conquer your death,come back to life again;
Fill my incomplete existence;
Build a bridge back to the once joyful past;
So our two souls can reunite.

You really seem to like your semi-colons! This is a pretty sad stanza, but it feels a little clichéd. The idea of "building a bride" really has been done a lot of times. Also, you've kind of overused the word "joyful" during the poem so far, I'd have a wider variety than that word if I were you!

No sign from you...your grave still as it was.
The winds will not say your name... why?
For one moment ...return to life
And let the Sun shine just once more.

This is sad! You've captured the emotion here well, for me at least. But the ellipses really don't work, they break up the poem and ruin the otherwise good flow that you have going on here. I especially like "The wind will not say your name", but I don't think that you need the "why" after it.

Overall
Your punctuation was pretty good until the end when you began to use the semi-colons and ellipses, so not too much bother there. I do like this poem, it has a very sad, wistful feeling to it which you've done well to capture. It still needs work, however. I would recommend expanding the stanza that I pointed out and tightening up repetitiveness and clichés.

Hope this helped!

~Amy

Hey Gun, I'm not all that great at reviewing poetry, but I'll give it my best shot.

So much left to stay...but of no use now. Did you mean Say?

Conquer your death,come back to life again; You need a space in between the comma and word come.

As Amy pointed out before you need to watch out for over use of semi-colons, it makes it distracting to read. Also the ellipses you used in the fourth and sixth stanzas, seemed unnecessary, and seemed to break up the flow of the poem, so you might want to take most of those out. Sorry It wasn't very much, but I hope I helped somewhat.

~Hope

What I don't like is how wordy it is. You have a lot of words here that just create boring images for me. You have good use of personification, when you have the wind telling ghost stories.

Again what I don't like is...How it's rather dragged out. It doesn't move a lot throughout the poem for me. Its mostly you're gone and its effects.
I like that you throw a lot of images out as well. It gives a clear description.

All in all... I didn't really like it. I am sorry, if I am mean. This kind of poetry isn't my cup of tea. Forgive me.

Silented1.

Hello, Gun!

This was good! It's good to see more of your poetry around here. This reminded me of the The Swan Princess ballet-- and that probably sounds weird, but, it did.

Standing all by myself in silent moonlight,
Tears find their way out through my eyes,
With empty feelings I look at the stone,
Hoping to recollect times happier.

"Through my eyes" is a phrase usually best received when referring to how people see stuff, and here, it's pretty obvious that tears would get out through the eyes. Here, I'd probably cut out "through".

The loneliness sings a lullaby to me,
One that cannot induce any sleep,

Personal favorite part.

Where are the promises of youth's sunshine?
Why don't these dark clouds bring any rain?
Why did gloom come right back onto my face?
When joy had just begun its term.

Careful about raising open ended questions in poetry, dear! It's not something people love to see, because we can't answer the question. Though it shows the narrator's longing and such, it's not actually doing much for the poem, and I think you can portray this lament differently.

So much left to stay...but of no use now
Joyful memories...all short lived
Your heavenly voice...silent forever
Is this the price of happiness?

The ellipses' don't work here. Commas or semicolons would be wonderful replacements, dearie.

Conquer your death,come back to life again;

Inspiring line.




Overall, it was good. You captured the narrator's lament well, and sorrow was well expressed in this. Try not to capitalize every line, dear, because it feels like you're starting a new sentence.

Thumbs up, and keep writing,

June

Hello! I'm tennis. Here is your review:

The loneliness sings a lullaby to me,One that cannot induce any sleep,

felt like there should have been a period after induce. It will flow much better that way when read aloud.

Those that no longer can scare me.

I would change this line to this: "That can no long scare me." Again, just aiding the flow of the poem. Also, scare is such a six year old's word... consult a thesaurus, perhaps.

Where are the promises of youth's sunshine?
Why don't these dark clouds bring any rain?
Why did gloom come right back onto my face?

I really enjoy the first time lines of this... but the 3rd line, not so much. It just doesn't flow well with the rest of the stanza. The repetition of the word why doesn't do much for me as the reader and makes me want to quit reading. "come right back onto" also sounds very flimsy.

Is this the price of happiness?

I wasn't crazy about this line but other than that, the last 3 stanzas are beautiful!!!
Consider replacing the word happiness.

Thanks for listening to my suggestions. Rememeber, this is just my point of view and in no way are you obliged to heed my suggestions.
Anytime you need a review, feel free to message me! (:
8/10
~ Tennis !