You said this was supposed to have a nightmare-y feeling to it, but the mood seemed to me to be one of hot, hazy summer days. I don't know a thing about Aryan, but in the dialogue some of the slang he uses is American, a bit out of place in India. I'm not sure if this isn't one of the symptoms of the dreamlike feeling you were going for, but Sona seems extremely accepting and unsurprised about Aryan's powers.
Once upon a time, there was a man who was allergic to peanuts. He was eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich by the side of the mountain, and a rock fell on him and he died. Moral of the story: Expect the unexpected. Like fried sushi.
Hey Shina! I remember reading the other parts of Dream Catcher, and this was very good. However, I have a few major problems with this piece.
The Flow I don't really like the way that this part was written. She did that, He did this. I would try to create a varied sentence structure based on the comments above.
The Action I don't really know why you put this part separate from the rest of the story. This could be good with the rest of the story warped around it, but it's pretty dull by itself. Just a conversation. Not really much happens, and were excepted to bond and understand characters we don't really know.
Also, the dialogue is a little dreary to read through, and again, I suggest that you look at the comments before me.
Great story. It just needs work.
All our dreams can come true — if we have the courage to pursue them. -- Walt Disney
Thanks for the comments guys ^^ I knew this piece was a little out of place. I'm not sure if it fits in, so I think I'll either alter the plot, or rework this. It is kind of strange introducing characters from another place all of a sudden, so maybe, since it's a dream, it'll be more... mysterious and just flashes of images?
-Shina
You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself into one.
The writer, when he is also an artist, is someone who admits what others don't dare reveal.
I thought the diologue in your spoiler was amazing, you seem similar to me in the way that you like using unusual names for your characters Just one point:
Sona sprawls across Elephant Rock
Is Elephant Rock a place? I am kinda confused :\
But anyway, will be watching out for your next inserts of this amazing piece of writing!
He was just one of the forgotten fallen...one? Maybe the only. All he knew was that if anyone another angel had fallen someone would have come and helped them up.
Oh gosh Maths has never sounded so good : "Lexifer"
I have decided to rewrite this, so hang on!
Just one point:
