Tomorrow is You

What is tomorrow without you?
Another lightless day
The morning sky stops being blue
Casting shades of grey.

What is tomorrow without your embrace?
A parody on life
Taken from me that smiling face
So easier to die

What is tomorrow without your kiss?
A dull ache in my head
Torn, lonely heart asking for peace
Numb lips with words unsaid.

What is tomorrow without your love?
Some wounds that would not heal
Ripped off body in 2 halves
Unable any more to feel.

What is tomorrow without you?
Another lightless day
The morning sky stops being blue
Casting shades of grey.

This is a nice poem. I really like the imagery and emotion you portray.

What is tomorrow without your love?
Some wounds that would not heal
Ripped off my body in 2 halves
Unable any more to feel.

I think you should change "2" to "two".

I really like your repetition of the first stanza at the end to connect it all. Nice job and keep writing

Hey Olya!

For some reason I cannot understand, this poem reminds me of the famous Who Has Seen The Wind poem, by whom I cannot remember their name. I don't know why.

This is a good start. The placing of abstract pain to physical pain is far, far too common in poetry, and if you want your poem to stand out, dear, I strongly advise against using it. Your greater focus should be on surrounding this pain with words that will make us sympathise with this character, because from an outsider point of view, we don't have much reason to. You, as the author, have the power and ability to change that.


Best of luck,


June

Olya Prepodobnaya wrote:What is tomorrow without your love?
Some wounds that would not heal
Ripped off body in 2 halves
Unable any more to feel.

2 halves is lazy (sorry but its true) and redudant.

Ripped my body into halves
says the same thing
That's my one and only nitpick. After a recent epiphany in which I decided nothing was cliche, I recognized two kinds of poetry: well-written and not-so-well written (I write the latter ) and yours is obviously the former. Great job, all in all. Magnificent.
Keep up the good work.
The Universe

Hi Olya Prepodobnaya, here to do a quick review.

What is tomorrow without your embrace?
A parody on life
Taken from me that smiling face
So easier to die

I really don't like the 'so easier to die' line. I mean it's just phrased oddly and unprofessionally. Maybe you should find a new word or something.

That was pretty much all, I really like the message of this, it's bittersweet.
You did a wonderful job so keep it up.

~Pink

Hey Olya!

Nice poem! I liked the lyricism of it and how it flowed. The rhyming wasn't forced and the descriptions were apt. Very good!

The main thing I would look to see is the final stanza being changed into something new. These kinds of poems need to lead somewhere dramatic, so I was hoping to see something ground-shattering here, but you just repeated the same thing you did in the front. It's kind of a let down! So figure out something that connects all these things and make something new. It'll be better, I think.