Someday

I like long highways
Maybe highways with no end
In my head there is a painting
Painted so beautifully
Of dark concrete
With shiny yellow paint
There is no one driving past, or on this beautiful heavy concrete
No direction signals
No bridges
One long road
That leads to an unknown place
Where no one has ever been
My nerves are tingling
I want to, someday, be on that road.

Hi,

Welcome to Yws! I hope you like it here. I like the central image here. I especially liked;
"Painted so beautifully
Of dark concrete
With shiny yellow paint",
as the description was especially vivid.

It moves nicely from beginning to end.

I'd add punctuation. If you're ever unsure on where to punctuate, try reading it aloud, and add punctuation where you pause or stop or need to take a breath.. I'd try something like this;
"
I like long highways,
Maybe highways with no end.
In my head there is a painting
Painted so beautifully
Of dark concrete
With shiny yellow paint .
There is no one driving past, or on, this beautiful heavy concrete,No direction signals ,
No bridges,
One long road
That leads to an unknown place
Where no one has ever been .
My nerves are tingling-
I want to, someday, be on that road."

I'd also put "Just" before "One long road", but that's largely just personal taste so feel free to ignore me on that!

Hope this helps, and I look forward to reading you again. Do PM me if you ever need a poetry review.

Jas

P.s: There's a 3:1 review ratio here, meaning you should review three pieces for every one of your own you post.

I'm Jayden and I really like this. It makes you think of the future and the roads we all take. I like how you say describe how you think the road will be and how someday you'll be on it. Not bad, I think you need to include some breaks in the paragraph, though, like just before "painted so beautifully". Otherwise, very good.

The idea here is great, and reminds me of some thoughts I've had too. However, it is a little confusing in the beginning. You switch from one line about a road to another about a painting, which you mostly explain, but I think it might work a little better if you reference the painting first then introduce the road because that's what the painting is. I also like how you left out punctuation until the end of the poem. I think of punctuation as a tool to highlight the important aspects of a poem, and in cases like this, I think it adds emphasis to the last line, so I would leave the punctuation how you have it.

If anyone had to associate the word "adventure" with a poem it would be this one.

The poem reminds me of Bon Jovi's song "Lost Highway".

This looks like one of those pieces thought of while driving to an unknown place.The thought of what lies on the other side is really exciting.The empty road with no person or car gives the sense of adventure that awaits the traveller on it.

A very interesting read.

Hi there! Welcome to YWS!

Wow. I really like this, it makes me think of anything. It makes me feel really creative and imaginate, and it has really brightened my mood.

This is really interesting, and makes me wonder, makes me imagine more about this place, I want to go there. I need to go there, you've really got me curious.

Thanks for posting this, and keep writing!

~Mo.