Deadly Sins. Part I / Lust

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Every time when I am visualizing you in my dreams it strikes me how sinful is the nature of my thoughts.
L-ovely features of your face would not fade away even after awakening and the blurred image of yours would remain now and then, whatever I look at or whenever I go. My knowledge of passion is quite scarce and there are no such words that could depict the way I am feeling towards you. The clot of energy residing inside me is the thing I fail to control and would not like to change.
U-niqueness of the moment spending with you is irreplaceable. All essence of yours is feeding my dreams, getting under my thick untouched skin and enriching my veins with fresh scarlet blood. I can’t help getting drunk with the scents of your body and your kisses get the best of me.
S-eeking for the way of concealing my pleasure from what you are I am not able to hold my ground and immediately lose.
T-oo much of mixed up bliss and passion make my obsession endless filled with the constant drooling and need of your light image.
So difficult to fight with the lusty sin getting into my human mortal nature, overpowering my soul and leaving no chance for repenting.
Last edited by Olya Prepodobnaya on Wed Dec 16, 2009 11:05 am, edited 1 time in total.




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Hi Olya!

A quick two cents before I head off to bed.

Now your language is nice, but its in paragraph form! That's no good, as a poem it should be in stanzas. You should have more then a sentence of each line.

Also, if you are going to do an acrostic poem, define the first letter more.

Last thing, you may want to rate this slightly higher then you normally would as it has some suggestive material.

Keep writing!

Kamas
"Nothing is permanent in this wicked world - not even our troubles." ~ Charles Chaplin

#tnt




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Olya Prepodobnaya wrote:So difficult to fight with the lusty sin getting into my human mortal nature, overpowering my soul and leaving no chance for repenting.

I would say if the vertical word being spelt is lust, don't use the word lusty in this stanza/sentence. Besides that, I am in agreeing with what Kamas wrote.
Good job, though. Usually these poems come out hokey and unimaginative. Yours was pretty brillliant.
See you around,
empress
Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart.
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