Many of us have seen the movie Jurassic Park or heard of the famous dinosaur “Sue” whose bones were found near Faith, South Dakota. Even though dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 million years, their lives have intrigued the world of science. Why did the dinosaurs die out? These are three main theories that have been formed that include asteroids, disease, and volcanoes.
Okay, so you've got the bones of a by-the-book introduction here: great. Interesting topic sentence that the reader can relate to, while pulling him or her in to read more. Excellent. However, there are a few small grammar and punctuation issues. First, your first sentence should read "...famous dinosaur, "Sue", whose bones..." The next sentence would sound better if you eliminated the word "even" from the beginning. It seems a little odd that you only have one question in the middle of your paragraph. In most of the essays I've written and reviewed, I've only seen one or two questions at the very beginning of the paper. You might want to think about changing that into some sort of declarative statement, like "One of the greatest scientific wonders is of the reason for the dinosaurs' extinction." Now for your last sentence, your thesis:
These are three main theories that have been formed that include asteroids, disease, and volcanoes.
It should either read something like "The three main theories that have been proposed to explain this phenomenon are asteroids, disease and volcanoes." Or, "These are the three main theories that have been formed to explain the disappearance of dinosaurs: asteroids, disease and volcanoes."
I'd love to read the rest of your essay! Good luck
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