I peer through a gap in the curtains. The house is dark, not too dark though. I try to keep the curtains closed during the day, unless they have to be open for something. Sometimes the house gets the worst smell to it and they have to be opened. Still, for the most part, they need to stay closed. Have to.
It’s because they’re watching. They’re out there somewhere. As long as I keep the doors locked and the curtains closed, they can’t get to me. They can see me, though. There are cameras everywhere. The packages that come in the mail, the shower head, anywhere you could possibly imagine. Even when you think you’re safe, they’re watching you take a shit.
There’s someone coming today, though. I have to watch, make sure she don’t come with anyone else. Maybe she’s not one of them, but they could be tracing her. There’s a list in their headquarters, the list of people who could be a problem for them. I’m on it, they’re scared of me too, maybe she’s on it as well.
I hear footsteps somewhere nearby and open the curtains a little again. Sun flashes through at me and I wince. It’s been so long since I was out in the sun. When I need something, I put on my hooded jacket at night and run to the supermarket. I have to go quickly, though. The old lady who asks me to grab her a tin of baked beans from the top shelf, son, the little girl riding the ride outside, do you have a dollar mister, they’re all spies.
That’s something that has to be remembered. They can be anybody, and they are. Everybody. If they talk to you unbidden, there’s an ulterior motive. If you’re friendly they don’t know you know, but if you let anything on they’re knocking on your door the next morning, dragging you out into the light, throwing you into the back of their van.
She’s walking down the footpath, just three houses away. She looks just like she did when we were at high school, back when I was still young, when I didn’t know anything. I shudder at how stupid I was back then. So careless. Everything I did was on display for everyone to see.
I see a woman looking out of her window at Joyce and my heart freezes. They know that she’s coming to see me! I push the curtains close again and clutch at my chest, my breath beginning to come like I’m in the middle of a heart attack. Maybe I am. They put something in me at the doctors’ once. They gave me something when I was sick and I went under and when I woke up I was better but I knew something was different. They monitor me now, wherever I go. So I stay put. It confuses their sensors when the people they watch don’t go nowhere.
A knock comes from the door and I run for it. I open the door a crack. “joyce?” I whisper, looking from side to side.
“Yes, Peter,” she says. “It’s me. How’ve you been?”
I open the door wide enough for her to come in and step aside. “come in now theres someone watching i saw them when you were outside”
Her eyes widen and she comes in. She jumps when I slam the door. Obviously she’s scared too. I’ve finally found someone else who knows!
“sit down on the couch in the corner that’s the one that’s the furthest away”
“Furthest away from what?” she asks.
“away from the cameras theyve got them set up everywhere they think i dont know”
She walks to the couch and sits down. I sit on the arm beside her. All the other chairs are bugged. I can hear strange things when I sit on them. A buzzing. I can’t describe it, but I can hear it when they listen.
I stare down into her eyes, and she stares back at me, seeming to shrink into the chair. I let a smile come across my face. “it was nice for you to return my call i thought itd be nice to see you again its been too long since high school was it”
She nods. “It was. I asked around a few of our other high school friends. They say they haven’t seen you since an operation a few years ago. Don’t you see them anymore?”
“cant trust em”
“Why not?” she asked, putting a hand and my shoulder. I flinch but I don’t mind really. It’s been so long since I’ve had human contact. I know I can trust her, though. I contacted her. She was one of the best, back at school.
“they said stuff all of them i knew they were working for them i cant trust any of them anymore but i have you i missed you since we broke up we shouldnt have stopped talking we could always trust each other couldnt we”
“It’s good that we found each other again. The thing is, when I talked to them, they said they were worried about you. They said they tried to talk to you a couple of times and you were acting really strange. Paranoid.”
“its not paranoia when theyre really there not paranoia when theyre watching you”
“And are they watching you?” she asks.
“im on their list they have to monitor me you might be on it too have you checked your asshole”
She recoils, taking her arm away from me. “Pardon?”
“i had a friend once they got her she never checked they got her and took her and she screamed in the silent room it has thick walls no one can hear you no one can help you”
I feel her shiver and she stands up. She has a nice body, I can’t help but think that. “Peter, I think we need to get you help. There’s something very wrong here. When was the last time you showered or changed your clothes?” she asks, looking me up and down. I see her eyes surveying me and a feeling of discomfort comes to me. Something’s wrong.
“i can’t use the shower there’s a camera in the showerhead”
She shakes her head. “I’m going to call someone, okay? They’ll be able to help you. You might have to go away from here, but it’ll be for the best. It’s all for your own good.”
“thats what my mother always said before she hurt me i aint going nowhere you cant make me you wouldnt”
“Please, Peter.” Tears leak from her eyes and my heart hardens. She’s one of them, I know. They fake sympathy and try to get you to go along with them and then you never come back. I know. I’ve heard.
“no you wont call them you wouldnt do that to me please tell me you wouldn’t i need to know i need it”
“I’m going to go now,” she says and turns toward the door.
“no you cant” I lunge towards her and grip at her arm. She shrieks and tries to knock me off. Now I know for sure. They all have this reaction when they know I see through them. They panic. “you have to promise me” The one thing they never do is tell a lie. I’ve never known them to do it before.
“Okay. I won’t say anything.” The tears are like a river now. She shakes her head every so often. I don’t know why. It’s like she’s a malfunctioning or something. The thought freezes me for a second, but I forget it. Her touch was too warm too be robotic. It’s really her.
“thank you” I say and open the door. “you dont know how much torture you just saved me ive heard what they do in those places”
She nods at me and leaves. I can hear her walk away from me and wonder if the people are still staring at her. I can’t check. I’ve already been looking out of the curtains. They know where I am already, but I don’t want them to know that I’m spying on them as well. Oh yes, I can play their games too.
* ** *
The car comes up the driveway and I sit up in bed. I’m naked but the sweat runs off of me. They control the temperature in here too. There’s a knob or dial or something that they play with to adjust things. Sometimes it’s icy in the middle of summer, other days I boil in winter.
The car doors slam and I jump out of bed and pull some clothes on. I sneak into the lounge and stare at the front door. It’s locked. They can’t get in, no matter how hard they try. It’s enough to scare me, though. They’ve never tried to approach me before. Maybe this time they’re more determined than before.
There’s a knock at the door. “Mr. Williams? Open the door, please. We want to talk to you.”
I freeze. They’ve realised how much of a threat I really am to them. They’re here to wipe me out. “youre not getting into my house ill die before i let you in”
“Please, Mr. Williamson. We don’t want to come in by force.”
“you can try that youre not getting in i wont let you”
There’s no answer. After a few seconds, the door shivers. It happens again and again as something hits it. The fragile wood cracks, and the entire door falls from its hinges. I snatch up a knife from beside the sink. It’s a butter knife, still coated with jam. I brandish it towards the door.
A man enters, stepping over the door. “He’s armed!” he calls back.
I almost giggle. They must know how dangerous I am, if they’re scared of a butter knife. Two more men enter and approach me slowly. Both of them say reassuring words, most of them lost to my ears. I back away, but they speed up.
As one draws near, I lunge with the knife. One grabs my wrist and twists it until it’s behind my back. I scream and lash out with my other arm, which is grabbed and restrained as well. The two men pull me back towards the door.
“you goddamn fucking bastards ill kill you why now whyd you have to come for me now i wasnt doing anything i wasnt going to hurt anybody ill kill you all”
The three of them ignore my words. They drag me outside. I see lights on in all of the surrounding houses. There are people standing at the windows, all in their nightclothes. Bastards. They told them I was planning something, I know it.
“i hate you all i know you did this to me i know it”
There’s an open door on the back of the van parked in my driveway. My neighbours watch on while I’m thrown inside, and darkness closes its gaping jaw on me.
* ** *
“I’m sorry, Peter. I couldn’t do anything else. It’s not like you left me any choice. Seeing you like you were, it was a shock. You were a danger to yourself. You know that I had to do it, don’t you?” she asks me.
I’m restrained. My arms are bound in a jacket so I can’t hurt anyone. Last time Joyce tried to visit me, I wrapped my hands around her neck. The flesh was so soft, so easy to crush. She fell to the ground soon enough and they restrained me. “why are you back i dont want you here”
“I want you to know that I forgive you for what you did last time. I know that you’re not in control of yourself, but I’m always here to help you through this.”
“you bitch this is all your fault youre one of them”
“There is no them, Peter. You’re paranoid. You’re imagining things that aren’t there. Why don’t you understand?”
“youre one of them one of the ones that have me tortured you couldn’t help yourself could you you just wanted to see me suffer”
She looked from side to side and leaned forward. “Peter, I don’t know what I can see while I’m here. This place might be bugged they might be watching us. I’m sorry. Ever since I turned you in i see strange things I hear strange noises. Cars following me to the supermarket. People breathing when I pick up my phone. I don’t know what to do. Am I going insane, Peter?”
I smiled. “its your punishment for getting involved youre going to see the world the way it is soon youll be as bad as me and one day youll end up in a place like this you should have stayed away joyce you should have stayed away” She began to weep and my smile turned into a grin. “i know”
You asked for it. So here it is (if you did not ask for it, I am very, very sorry).
