Battle

Prepare your arms for many embrace,
that’s what it takes to finish this race.
You call it “life,” but I call it “battle,”
so cock your guns and clean your barrels.
Fire and ice can’t exist together,
black and white eventually create heather.
Separated we remain,
bliss and sorrow, each their own chain.
Never to touch, never the same.


Tear this apart, tell me what you think

-Rach

I love it I think its perfect . I love this line
"so cock your guns and clean your barrels.
Fire and ice can’t exist together,"

I loved the theme of this. It very much made me think of all those forbidden love stories out there, but from a different point of view. It was quite original to think of it as a battle fighting against differences. Nice work with the rhyming scheme as well!

iRandomRLN96 wrote:Prepare your arms for many embrace,

This should probably be "many an embrace" to keep your rhyming scheme intact; because normally you would right this as many embraces.
Besides that, great job. I thought it was a pretty good poem, short but packed with imagery.
Good job and keep writing,
Empress

It's short, and most of the rhymes feel a little forced. But it's not that bad...in fact I kind of like it . This line though, I absolutely love.

You call it “life,” but I call it “battle,”
so cock your guns and clean your barrels.

For me it really makes the whole poem. I've read some of your other poems and I think this is the one I like the most. They all seem really short, and I'd like to read something a little longer from you. Good luck and keep writing!