Carolyn's Sweetness

CAROLYN’s sweetnessMelvin D. Banggollay

Carolyn, a woman of sweet smile
Embroidered upon an angelic face
Whose charms can echo even a mile
With a warm and tender embrace.

Always caring and truly loving
For she always shares prudent arms
To relatives and friends calling
The fragrance of her loving arms.

Responsible as a child of her family
For she has a heart that truly pity
Anyone who needs most her mercy
even to her friends and other company.

On your birthday, I wish to greet thee
Happy birthday with all my heart and glee
And may the Lord God bestow upon thee
A life full of wonder and prosperity.

Life you have be blessed with endless joy
Even you’ll sail alone with trail’s envoy
And may you grow in faith with the Devine
As you smile with someone you can find.

You may venture even beyond our land
In your desire to paint a picture of your own
But always keep faith and hope in thy hand
To shield your way against whirling unknown.

Never change and stay as sweet as you are
For this is what keeping you always a star
To those who behold the flicker of your heart
And to anyone that may love you with all art.



Given as birthday gift to a special friend

"Carolyn, a woman of sweet smile
Embroidered upon an angelic face
Whose charms can echo even a mile
With a warm and tender embrace.

Always caring and truly loving
For she always shares prudent arms
To relatives and friends calling
The fragrance of her loving arms charms.

Responsible as a child of her family
For she has a heart that truly pities
Anyone who needs most her mercy
even to her friends and other company.

On your birthday, I wish to greet thee
Happy birthday with all my heart and glee
And may the Lord God allow you to see
A life full of wonder and prosperity.

Life you have be blessed with endless joy
Even you’ll sail alone with trail’s envoy
And may you grow in faith with the Devine
As you smile with someone you can find.

You may venture even beyond our land
In your desire to paint a picture of your own
But always keep faith and hope in thy hand
To shield your way against whirling unknown.

Never change and stay as sweet as you are
For this is what keeping you always a star
To those who behold the flicker of your heart
And to anyone that may love you with all art."
***
first off, i liked the way it spelled out a name.

second, everything in here that i think should be fixed will be underlined, k?
and the stuff i think will sound best will be italicized.

OVERALL
I loved this ^^ sometimes you would repeat a word, so i subbed my own in there. up to you, though, if u wanna use it or not. since it IS your poem and all. I'm just giving my opinion.

nice style and use of flow, though

Your poem is beautiful to the ears your choice of words were perfect.
But what is the focus of the poem? Is it to describe "Carolyn sweetness" to us? (stanza 1-3) or to tell carolyn what you think about her? (the remaining stanza). Your poem is directed to two audience which i think should not be.
And also if am correct the "be" in stanza 5 line one should be "been".
Keep up the good work.

I really like this. ^^ Its really cute, and I love the word choice. I agree with Finito, you should change the "be" to "been", but other than that I love it!

I also liked the way it spelled out a name, but I'm a sucker for that vertical-line poetry (has a specific name but I've forgotten)
It is a beautiful birthday poem, the kind you'd see on personalized Hallmark cards, and I'm sure it brought joy to the face of Carolyn. I personally feel essence of the poem is lacking; it has beautiful imagery but no story, nothing but strings of beautiful words-- but because of the nature of this poem, that is understandable.
So you did a great job.
Keep on writing,
Empress