I was really and truly alone for the first time. Staring blankly at the room around me, I sank to my knees. I didn’t cry, because I couldn’t. I needed to be strong. I let my head drop into my hands, and I sat there in silence for a moment before getting to my feet. I took the bedroll that I had slept in until now, rolled it up, and put it back in the closet from which it came.
Then I went back to my room and crawled into Liz’s old bedroll and fell asleep. Early in the morning, I was roused by talking men above me. I rubbed my eyes and stretched before going out to the corridor and sluggishly drifting into the kitchen and grabbed a bowl, pouring in some porridge.
After I had eaten, I felt better and I went up onto the deck. There was commotion in the middle of the circle of men, and I summoned vague curiosity, going to see what was so interesting. What I saw almost made me lose my emotionless expression. An old man who looked to be around fifty was standing defiantly in front of a girl my age, and a woman stood beside him, looking fearfully at the wall of men.
When the man saw me, he yelled at me. “Boy! Convince them that I don’t know where it is! I have no idea.” I blocked out his pleading, clenching my fists behind my back. I couldn’t show emotion.
JB smiled at the man ferally. “Very well. We’ll see if we can’t make you change your mind. Ash, take them down to the training room. They can stay there for now. Get them bedrolls and food. Make sure they know what happens if they don’t cooperate.”
I bit my bottom lip in worry, but did as I was told. “Come with me.” I lead them down to the training room. None of them struggled, but I saw them all staring at me, especially the girl. When I led them into the room, the man turned to me.
“Can’t you help us? I’ll pay you! I don’t know where it is.” I shook my head, not trusting myself to say anything. The woman opened her mouth to say something, but the girl grabbed my arm.
“Please! My name is Amy! I’m just as young as you are! They’re going to kill us if we don’t go along with what he wants, but none of us know where it is!” I made the mistake of looking at the girl.
Her curly brown hair was all in her face, and she was pale with fright. I sighed as I pulled my arm out of her grasp. “Listen. I can’t do anything. I’m sorry. Stay here and I’ll bring you your things.” Before they could answer, I walked out of the room, closing the door behind me.
Making sure no one could see me, I leaned against the wall and rubbed my eyes tiredly before going to get them food. When I got to the kitchen, five men were laughing together as they leaned against the counter. In between them was a laptop.
When they saw me, they waved me over. “Look kid! That old man thinks he’s got all his cash. But we have it all.” They grinned at me, and I offered them a weak smile. “The best part is that JB plans on killing them all anyway. They offended him. But the captain knows they don’t have what he’s demanding!” All of them cracked up as I turned away, hiding my disgust. I said nothing as I grabbed three bowls and headed back to the training room as quickly as I could.
“Here.” I offered them food, looking at the floor so I didn’t have to meet any of their gazes. I needed to survive this, but I didn’t have to like it, and there was no way I was getting attached to any of these people. I had enough problems as it was.
Hesitantly, they took their bowls, and I settled on the floor and watched them examine their food, sighing tiredly. When Amy poked at her food without touching it I realized why they weren’t eating. “It’s not poisoned. It all comes from a big pot that everyone serves themselves from, so it isn’t like our bowls have something special in them.”
All of them looked at me uncertainly, and I felt my temper rise. “For goodness sakes, just eat it, okay? I didn’t do anything to it, and neither did anyone else. That’s all your going to get to eat, so I suggest you stop being finicky!”
I hadn’t meant to sound so harsh, but I didn’t try to take my words back. They were going to have to learn sooner or later, and it was better that they learned from me than any of the others. Looking intimidated, they all began to chew slowly at their food in silence.
Getting to my feet, I turned around and began pacing the room, not wanting to dwell on these people. Their fate was sealed, and there was nothing I could do about it. Wincing, I thought about Liz. She wouldn’t have stood by, even if she knew that by protesting she was putting her life on the line. She was so much braver than I was.
And yet the reasonable part of my brain told me that even if I wasn’t scared for myself, I still wouldn’t interfere. It wasn’t only my life on the line. It was that of Liz and our families. And if I had to stand by helplessly to save the people I loved, than I would do it. No matter what the price.
Just as I finished my third circle around the small room, Kyran came in. I knew already that he was considered second in command, even though his title had never been confirmed by JB. Straightening, I forced myself to salute him, hating myself and him.
“Are they settled in?” He asked curtly, looking over the family expressionlessly. For all I knew, he could be made of stone. I nodded just as curtly, my face flat, and Kyran turned on his heel, leaving the room. Just before closing the door, he turned back. “Ash. Your practice sessions are with me from now on. I’ll be here in ten minutes. The family stays. They need to learn sometime.”
I nodded again as the door closed, trying not to think why he was now my teacher. Gage was dead. Liz was gone, and she thought I was dead. I was starting to shake again, and I saw Amy and her mother staring at me out of the corner of my eye.
Forcing myself to stop, I made sure that nothing showed. No sadness, no fear, and no pain. Turning to the father, who was staring into his bowl desperately, I cleared my throat.
“When he comes back in, all of you go to the far wall. No matter what happens, don’t move, don’t speak, and don’t show any emotion. Is that understood? You must be invisible. If you aren’t, he might decide to amuse himself with you instead of me.” My tone made it clear that I was serious, and they all nodded, moving towards the wall I indicated. Only the mother had the courage to question me.
“What is going to happen?” Her voice was small, as though she was scared of me. I was ten years old, barely five feet tall, and she was probably thirty years older than me, and yet she was scared. Instead of the sense of triumph I knew many boys would feel I just felt like dirt.
Making my voice softer than usual and allowing myself to show a tiny bit of sympathy, I told her. “I was… recruited not long ago, just as you have been. He is disciplining me.”
There was no time or point in going into details, because just then Kyran came in. I sent the mother a hard look so that Kyran didn’t see I had been talking. “Stay.” I ordered her, as though she was a dog.
Turning, I walked into the middle of the room. “Attack me.” Kyran commanded, bouncing slightly on his toes. Taking a deep breath and centering myself, I circled Kyran, looking for an opening. There! For a moment, his solar plexus was unprotected, and I darted in, slamming my fist against it with all my anger.
Kyran let out his breath in a gasp, but I didn’t even see his kick coming. It almost crushed my windpipe, and I gagged, falling to my knees. From behind me, I heard Amy shriek. Kyran snapped his head towards her, scowling, and I forced myself back to my feet, lunging at him and cracking my elbow into his gut to get his attention away from her.
I followed up with a round house kick to the same spot as my elbow had hit, and Kyran doubled over reflexively, giving me an opening to his neck. Just as I began to chop at it, Kyran dropped and swerved, coming up under me and punching my hard in the stomach. As I sucked in a deep breath, he grabbed my neck with one hand, his thumb pressing into the hollow at the base of my throat.
Both of us went still, panting. Then Kyran removed his hand and stepped back. I straightened and snapped off a salute, hating the gesture more every second. Kyran circled around me, beginning to speak.
“From the very beginning, you let your emotions control you. Anger and frustration made you less clear headed. Stupid.” He told me flatly. I didn’t flinch away from the hard punch to my stomach. “You are fast, but not fast enough. You didn’t even see my first kick coming. Be alert.” This time it was a slap across my face that snapped my head sideways.
“You move straight forward or backwards most of the time. Learn to weave, to move sideways as well. If you had, I would never have been able to get under you and punch you like that.” There was no slap or punch this time as Kyran came to a stop in front of me.
“You are not a human. Not a child. You are emotionless, a killing machine. You know what to do and when, and when no emotions get in your way, things are much easier. You’ve been on board long enough to see that emotions kill.” He gestured towards the old man who stood fearfully in front of Amy.
“You know that his pride will have a terrible price. Your affection for Liz is what got you into this mess. Stick it out, and learn to control yourself. You are not allowed to be human anymore.” Gritting my teeth, I resisted the urge to tell him to get a degree in theatrics and snapped off another salute.
“Yes sir.” I told him curtly, my voice flat. He nodded once at me.
“Don’t forget why you are here: Liz was going to die, and you made a choice. If you fail us, or try to free these people, we can very easily track her down and kill her, her parents, and your parents. You need to cooperate.” For some reason, it didn’t sound as though he were threatening me. It was almost as if he were trying to warn and remind me. He turned and left before I could respond, which was just as well. I stared after him for a moment before turning to the three people huddled in a corner.
They were staring at me silently, looking even more scared of me than before. Slowly, I approached them, stopping when the mother put an arm in front of her daughter. Sighing, I asked, “What are your names? Other than you, Amy.” I couldn’t keep thinking of them as ‘the mother’, ‘the father’ and Amy.
“My name is Andreas. Emma is my wife.” The old man’s voice was clear and strong, and I nodded in approval at him. He was going to need to learn to be strong.
“All right. I’m getting you bedrolls. Don’t leave this room, and don’t try to escape or cause trouble, understood? It won’t help you, and you’ll be punished. Believe me, you don’t want that.” I couldn’t stop a tiny wince as I turned, causing the welts on my back to sting. I had forgotten the pain briefly in the fight, but now my neck and stomach were killing me.
Emma stopped me as I turned to leave. “Who’s Liz?” I didn’t turn around, but my fist clenched convulsively on the doorknob. I didn’t know what to say. No one? That was the farthest thing from the truth. You’ll never meet her? No.
“A girl I knew.” I finally muttered. Just as I was leaving, the mother stopped me again.
“What happened to your temple?” I reached my hand up to touch it and winced at the huge, horrifically colored bruise over it. The blank had left its mark on me.
“Long story.” I said before leaving. One of the crew stopped me as I strode towards the closet full of bed rolls.
“Kid! The captain ordered me to tell you that you are not to help man the yacht. Your job is to take care of the prisoners only. When they are gone you will be informed of your next task.” He told me. There was no hint of regret or acknowledgement of the family’s impending death as he finished.
I nodded, finding my voice. “Thank you.” The man turned and left, and I continued to the closet, trying not to think of what the man had just said: when they are gone. Like they were baggage, or cattle. It seemed as though there was no compassion in this world, at least not the world I lived in now. Sometimes I wondered if it was the same one that held all the laughing children and carefree summer days I had known.
I grabbed the bedrolls and headed back towards the training room, speaking as I opened the door. “Listen carefully to me.” I met each of their eyes before continuing, drawing from my memory the words Gage had spoken to two scared little kids three months ago.
“You must always obey the captain, and always respect him. Salute him as he passes you, let him walk ahead, wait for him to speak before you do. Never insult him. From now until you are freed, your only loyalty is to the captain, and you never contradict him or question an order. Always call him ‘Captain’ or ‘Sir’, never JB. Never show pain or fear. Those are weaknesses, and if you are weak, then you are killed. People on this ship have no time for weak links.”
Andreas opened his mouth, but I didn’t give him a chance to speak. “When other pirate ships or vessels come near ours, whoever has the highest rank has priority for speaking first. We are in a strict chain of command: The captain, the first mate, the rest of the crew, me, and then you. I’m sorry to say that you will have to take everything you are told to do without a word of complaint. Breaking a law has the same punishment: death.”
I saw fear in the eyes of the three people in front of me, but I also knew they had to be told. “I don’t think you’ll be doing much with anyone but me, Kyran or JB, but that needs to stop.” They looked in confusion at me, and I elaborated. “You are showing fear, all of you. Don’t. Like I said, it’s a weakness, and will only make the punishment you receive harsher. I can’t help you, but you will do better if you do exactly what I have said. Learn to hide your emotions. You heard what Kyran just told me.”
In a way it was almost refreshing to see the fear in their eyes. I wasn’t the only one who had emotions in this whole world, as much as it might seem so. “Are we going to die?” Amy asked, beginning to shake.
Emma hushed her, looking at me. The honest answer was yes, but I would never tell them that. Now I wondered what Gage had been thinking when I had asked the same thing. “I… I don’t know. I’ll try to help you, but I can’t do much. I’m as much a prisoner as you are.” The words slipped out of my mouth without a thought, and I flinched away from the hit I knew came with showing weakness.
Then I realized that these people wouldn’t hurt me. They weren’t the same as the pirates. And yet they were going to die. It was enough to make me sick, that the law-breaking men could harm the law abiding people simply because they were stronger and more ruthless.
I tried to remember that feeling on the last day of school, where everyone was nice and kind and didn’t have any problems. In that world, the good guys always came out alive and well, rich and happy while the bad guys sat in their jail cells. Now it seemed like the world was exactly the opposite.
The silence in the room had stretched on and on awkwardly, and when I looked up, I saw that the family was looking at me silently with almost… pitying looks. All except the man, who hadn’t shown much fear either, only a little bit hidden under his arrogance. Unable to stand it, I turned around and walked out the door.
Before closing it, I told them, “Remember: don’t leave this room. If someone other than me comes in, obey anything they say, and don’t show weakness.” Casting one last hard look at them, I closed the door silently and went back to the kitchen.
Two men were grabbing bowls and serving themselves to porridge, and I joined them. Looking curiously at me, a pale man with strawberry blond hair told me, “Come sit with us today.” Surprised, I nodded and brought my bowl with me to sit with the circle of men who sat on packed boxes.
They all stared at me when I sat, but not in the glaring, flat faced way I had seen before. These people did have some emotions, it seemed. “Hey kid. Your name’s Ash, right?” Wondering what they wanted, I nodded warily, and the blond man laughed. “We don’t bite all the time, Ash. What kind of name is that anyway? Like, cremated?” I took a spoonful of porridge and shrugged, uncertain with all the attention.
Someone else asked, “Tell us all about you and that girl that was with you, Liz. We don’t get new recruits often, and we’ve heard each others life stories so many times we could probably recite them in our sleep.”
Now I looked up at the men, taking another spoonful of porridge. “Why are you suddenly acting normal?” I blurted before remembering that these men were lethal. They all shrugged.
“You are one of us now, so we can act normal now. Tell us your story. Come on Ash, we haven’t ever had a kid on board before.” Their curious, open faces were so different from everything I had known these last few months that I had to respond. Suddenly, I felt like I was surrounded by humans instead of machines.
“Well, I lived in Michigan. The girl, Liz, I’ve known her for my whole life because our parents were friends, and we went to the same school and we’re practically neighbors. We’ve always been best friends. We went to a school called CTX Elementary, and since our town was small, it was walking distance from my house. After school I used to walk over to Liz’s house with her, have a snack, and then go to the park next to her house. It was where all the kids hung out.” I thought that the men wouldn’t care in the least about me, but they were all listening intently, probably bored out of their minds by everyone else’s stories.
Finishing my porridge, I continued. “There was also a playground at school. I remember the last day of school I challenged Jaime and Liz to hang upside down on the monkey bars, and we said we’d have a play-date over the summer to see who was better…” I trailed off, thinking of how immature that seemed now. A couple men chuckled, and I continued.
“That day, we took a plane out here together, both of our families, and our Dad’s went to get a yacht. When we stopped near a reef, Liz and I went swimming. That’s when we saw this yacht.” My expression twisted at the irony of it all. This was going to be the best summer of my life, going on a vacation with Liz’s family and water skiing, swimming and fishing.
I told the pirates all about myself, and then Liz, and they absorbed everything, nodding once in a while or chuckling, sometimes even making noises of sympathy. When I was done, they had me go over the parts they liked, like the description of my town. Finally, they started to drift away, going back to their duties.
As I got up, Kyran came over to me from where he had been watching across the boat while working on something I couldn’t see. I tensed and let my mask fall back in place, unsure of what he was going to say. “Ash, how is the family you are charged with?” He asked.
Guiltily, I realized I had forgotten about them for the last three hours. “They have settled in, sir, and they understand their circumstance and position about this yacht.” I told him, looking him in the eye and showing nothing. Nodding, Kyran smiled grimly and turned away.
He took a couple steps away from me and then turned back. My surprise must have shown at his expression. It wasn’t the hard, cold removed stone face I had come to know, but a live face. I saw concern in his eyes as he grudgingly spoke again. “Take my advice, kid. Don’t get attached to them. The captain intends to kill them, and it only makes it harder. I think you’ve experienced enough heart break this summer to last you a lifetime.”
Without waiting to see what I said, he once again turned around and left me staring at him incredulously. Rubbing my head, I made my way back to the training room where the family was. What on earth was wrong with everyone? Why did everyone seem to have two completely different sides of their personality? I mean honestly, from cold and distant to friendly and curious, and from hard competency to concern. These people were giving me a killer headache.
“Ash?” It was Emma, looking concernedly at me. Startled, I looked at her.
“Yeah? How did you know my name?” I asked. Emma just shrugged.
“You looked kind of sick before. Are you okay?” I stared at her for a moment, trying to decide how to react. I ended up laughing hysterically, and then I couldn’t stop. Sinking to the ground, I clutched my stomach and laughed until I cried. When I finally calmed down, the whole family was looking at me like I was insane. Maybe I was. By now, I wasn’t sure of anything.
“Do you realize how amazingly… twisted this is? I’m the person in charge of keeping you prisoner, and you’re asking me if I feel alright! To top it off, I was a prisoner until yesterday, and now I’m part of this messed up crew, where I’ll have to spend the rest of my screwed up life on this boat.”
As soon as I realized what I had said and done, I jumped to my feet, my face going flat. “To answer your question, I feel absolutely fine. Do you want me to get something to eat?” My voice was as flat as my face. Now they were looking at me like they were sure I was insane, and I almost felt bad for them.
Amy nodded slowly. “Yes please.” She whispered, staring at the ground. I nodded curtly, not saying anything. I was halfway out the door when Amy spoke again. “Ash? We knew your name because from this room, we could hear your whole conversation with the men, and what the man you fought today told you. The captain is going to kill us.”
My hand tightened convulsively on the doorknob as I stared at the floor. What could I say to that? Here was a family, with a girl as young as Jaime and Liz, who was going to die. They knew it, and they knew I knew it. The silence stretched for a moment, and then Amy whispered, “I just want you to know I understand. We all heard your story. You have no choice. You need to protect Liz, and even if you didn’t, you couldn’t help us. I understand.”
“I…” What could I say? “I’m sorry.” I said. I think in that moment they knew that I truly was. My voice was filled with my conflict and pain, even though I tried to hide it. But that pain and sorrow wouldn’t help them. The emotional temperature in the room was about a thousand degrees, and I rushed out, closing the door firmly behind me and stumbling into the kitchen.
When did life ever become so complicated? What happened to playing on a swing set and pretending to fly? I knew what happened: a reckless little boy disobeyed an adult’s orders and convinced his best friend to swim around the reef to the big yacht that glimmered in the water. Right now, I hated that boy more than anything else in the whole world.
