Young Writers Society

ALIW NG TULANG PILIPINO (RHYTHM OF FILIPINO POEMS)
melvin Banggollay


Napakaganda at matalinghaga (Beautiful and truly poetic)
Ang pagkasulat ng ating mga tula (how our poems were written)
na sadyang nakakamangha (which were truly awesome)
Tulad ng isang awit hatid ay saya. (like a song that brings joy)

Ang bawat tao ay may kakayahan (Every man has its own capability)
Tulad ng liping aking pinagmulan (like the race where I belonged)
Na may wikang iba ang pamamaraan (with a language distinct of its way)
Sa paghabi ng diwa ng katutuhanan. (of weaving every sense of reality)

Kaya dapat linangin ang pag-gawa (Therefore, let's develop our own way)
Ng mga tulang puno ng saya't diwa (of writing poems full of joy and sense)
pagkat sa paraang ito'y maipakita (for in this way, we can manifest)
Ginintoang awit ng puso't kaluluwa. (golden songs of our heart and soul)

Dapat ipagbunyi wika't kakayahan (Let's be proud of our language and ablity)
Pagkat may angking kaibahan (for it has its own distinct beauty)
Na wala sa ibang salitang dayuhan (that other foreign lanaguage have none)
Kaya dapat nating ipangalandakan. (that's why, we must be proud of it)

Hi Melvin.

I have one suggestion for you. If you want people to appreciate your poem more, I would but a translation underneath. I would love to review this poem, but firstly I have no idea what is says and secondly I'm not sure how to pronounce it. Or even what language you are using. I'm curious to know. If you write up a translation, I'll happily give you a review.



Kamas

from the endings of the poem, it seems to have a pretty good rhyme scheme.
It's kind of odd hoe you wrote a poem in a different language about writing a poem in a different language..
I would suggest a different topic. Write about your homeland, or a traditional ceremony in your heritage, or something. Because this poem seems a little redundant within itself, if that makes any sense.
keep writing,
empress

Astig men! Go pinoy!

I loved the idea that someone had actually written a Filipino poem and posted it in YWS... because, well... I'm a Filipino, too. If that wasn't made obvious yet, well, let them pigs sprout them wings. Although in the poem the rhyme scheme doesn't truly work out well (such as in the part with "nakakamangha" at "saya") the image it portrays is, all in all, very good. Rhythm is good, too. I do hope you write more. I expect the best from you.


I'd write more if I had more time, but, oh blast... I'll just come back next time to dissect this further.


Ciao-ciao~


Sincerely,


Kate

Hmmm... I don't think this member is with us anymore? In any case, I'm locking this. ^_^