December

One broken December we ran
Together
Alone
Hand in hand

We stopped not to look back again
Ran ahead
From ghosts
Of the past

In fear we kept our fleeting pace
Through the cold
And hard
Brutal heat

Have we stopped, I still do not know
I am blind
And numb
From my pain

You might hold me tight in your arms
I'd not feel
The warmth
Of your skin

Or I could lie long abandoned
Somewhere cold
I would
Not know it

So until I regain my sight
I hold on
To this
Memory

Running that broken December
Together
Alone
Hand in Hand

Hi, I'm Voxina. I'll give you a review. I apologize in advance if I sound harsh.

Okay, first, it needs punctuation. Try experimenting with commas, periods, semicolons, etc. It doesn't need a truckload of punctuation, but a little is quite necessarry.


I love the sort of sadness in the words.

The only major thing I'd say is that I don't understand what's going on in the poem.

Also, although this is very nit-picky, I think if the title would really fit if it was Broken December.

Gold star for your great poem!

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about poetry; I love to write poetry...and fiction.

Cheers!

~Voxina

hi, i enjoyed reading this. I really like the minimalistic style you chose. I think it all flows very well, well done.

The way this flows is interesting. I haven't ever seen you write this way Spiral, totally new and original. Maybe not for you, but for me it is. Anyways, I loved this, the way you wrote was plain, but it conveyed a sense of loneliness. All in all, its an extremely interesting poem. Definitely one for the book!
Keep Writing!
~Shaard

Ok, this is my opinion. the poem is ok. it didn't really sound like a poem to me. some of the ways you order words sound very odd. I think that it could have more emotion to the poem. it needs to flow more and sound more like a poem. I know that there is more than one type of ways to write poems but it doesn't really fit a poem style. say the poem out loud to yourself and add and fix it a little. the poem needs some work on it.

You did well i enjoy your rythm.
But throughout the poem you got me confused are you blind in eyes literally or emotionally. Try to make it clear next time, am not saying you should be too explanatory but with few words make your point stand out.
Keep it up.