A Tale of Two King: Ch :2 Mind Games

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The forest that claimed the land between Malorock and the villages held secrets of its own. Voices echoed within its shadows. The earth in which its roots spread was moist with the blood of man, their souls trapped in a prison of decaying bark.

Lurick stood only inches from the line bordering life and death, but what difference is there between death and what he had become? Many would say he had already been dying long before he had made his choice. “Heartless”, “Son of the shadows”, “A lost soul”, this is what was spoken from the breed of man he once belonged to, but now he belonged to a new breed. One of which he gave everything to become a part of, his fear, pain, joy, hope, faith, jealousy, and love. Nothing was left behind but wrath and vengeance intertwined with memories of a life he did not recognize as his own.

The trees that were visible within the velvet darkness swayed only after the winds had stopped. The markings on the trunks resembled the faces of the fools who dared to cross the line Lurick stood upon. This forest was the only barrier keeping him from the village that held both his past and untold future.

All it took was one long stride for Lurick to be consumed by the shadows.

“Wait up Julian!” A small child’s voice rang between the trees, followed by the sound of crunching leaves. The ground Lurick now stood upon held no trace of blood but the air was thick with the scent.

“Shhh! You’re going to get us in trouble”, Julian replied from behind a large tree trunk. Lurick took a few steps towards the voices but stopped before he was close enough to lay eyes upon the source.

“I will not fall prey to your illusions.”

“What a labyrinth of broken memories you hide, Halfling.” Another disembodied voice echoed within the forest that once was.

“If this is how you plan on consuming my soul, then your efforts will be in vain. My soul holds no connection to those memories”, Lurick replied but the image that stood before him did not falter.

The forest surrounding him was clearly visible. The shadows lurking in its depth were not as heavy as the ones that took their place in reality. Its trees were larger and their branches filled with dried leaves, as many would be in the dead of August. Their trunks were erect and held no markings upon them. The darkness was not as thick, but the air remained filled with the smell of blood and even more suffocating with the addition of rot and decay.

“It is not your soul I seek, but the blood flowing through your veins”, the voice responded, its words filled with hunger.

“Your foolish tricks will get you nowhere”, Lurick spoke glancing around for a sign of movement.

“So you say Halfling, but so desperate are you to be relieved of the sight before you. You consider yourself to be so different from the human kind, but your reaction is much the same as the fools who’ve entered before you”, it spoke slowly but loudly as to assure that its words were not taken lightly.

“Desperate? Ha! That word has no existence in my world, and I do not deny ever having been partly human, you know as well as I that I am no longer as they are. Is that not why you hunger for my blood?” Lurick asked. The vision around him became blurry for a few seconds before regaining its composure.

“Hahaha, it is exactly why I want your blood. For many years I have survived off the blood of man. Villagers and soldiers that have found themselves brave enough to enter this forest, but it has not been enough to grant me the privilege of stepping further then a foot or two of my birthplace”, the voice seemed weaker now, distant, as if lost in thought. But it spoke again, stronger and more determined, “You see Halfling, with the power that courses through your veins I will be able to travel farther then imagined. I will be able to find another source, perhaps stronger than you. Your blood will only be the beginning with no end.”

“You speak with such certainty. I have always found Uramikira to be such cowards. You hide behind these illusions to drive your prey into madness, but what would your kind do if these magic tricks have no effect? You have no power, or so you have said yourself. I am not tied to my emotions because I have none you can depend on, so what will you do now?” The image that once surrounded Lurick melted into nothing and was taken over by reality.

The trees returned to the twisted masses they once were, the markings emerging to the surface of every trunk. The dried leaves that clung to the branches fell and dissolved long before reaching the blood drenched soil at his feet. The surrounding darkness resumed its density and all became still.




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My goodness this is brilliant! I read the first Tale of the Two Kings and I thought it was good but this is even better.
But I must say I need you to induce the plot clearer here or actually show us some action.
Or more show me the meaning of what Lurick is doing because I'm a bit lost on what this story is about.
But overall really good! Your writing is exquisite!
I follow four rules when writing
1. Don't think. Just write.
2.Never take the pencil from the page when writing
3.Don't erase. Even if what you wrote didn't make sense
4.No need for grammar,punctuation, or spelling when writing

And when your done writing you stop and break all the rules




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Hiya, Meadow here again.

This is an excellent second chapter to your story but I found it lacking in several things. First off, you defiantly need to (like the person above mentioned) make your plot more clearer as to not confuse your reader.

The forest that claimed the land between Malorock and the villages held secrets of its own. Voices echoed within its shadows. The earth in which its roots spread was moist with the blood of man, their souls trapped in a prison of decaying bark.


I'm not exactly sure what this paragraph is about. It feels like your explaining the forest to your reader, but I still don't get the feel of what it has to do with the story even though the paragraph following you explained Lurick's connection with the forest.

You explain much about Lurick in the following paragraphs, but as this is the beginning of the story, we as your reader, have no idea what/who Lurick really is. You've begun explaining is problematic life to us when we don't know him. We haven't known Lurick long enough to sympathize with him. Perhaps let off explaining so much about his decisions till later on.

Also, the voice that was speaking to Lurick seems to be thrown in there. Perhaps try adding some of Lurick's thoughts to strengthen his character and to let your reader know what is going on. How did Lurick know it was all a trick and the two children weren't really children? Did he know who the voice belonged to?

To reduce the risk of confusing or losing your readers, place more actions, setting descriptions, character movements and character thoughts to ease the reading process so we're not left dangling or trying to figure out your riddles.

This is an excellent piece but to me it seems rather pointless even though it shows some of Lurick's character and the being(?) that resides inside the forest. At least, that's what I think it was. What is has to do with the story so far, I'm not sure. But I hope you explain this encounter in further chapters.

I hope I was a tad helpful and didn't rant on. Good luck and can't wait to read more.

Meadow
Purple light in the canyon
that is where I long to be
With my three good companions
just my rifle, pony and me

--- "My Rifle My Pony and Me"



Life is a banana peel and I am the fool who dared to tread on it.
— looseleaf