Fire On Water: Chapter Three

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She leaned into my hand and closed her eyes for a moment before we both made our way back to the bedrolls. We sat together, leaning against the cold wall. Eventually, I fell asleep. This time, there were no dreams.

I woke up as Gage walked in. He didn’t mention anything about the night before, but I figured that he had heard what had transpired by now. I got up quietly and stretched before asking him where the bathrooms were. Gage pointed to a door right next to ours, and I quickly went in.
When I got out, Liz was seated cross-legged across from Gage, eating quickly. I followed suit, and then Gage began to speak. “Okay, I’m going to try and explain a little bit more about us. The first thing you need to know is that we are pirates.” I opened my mouth to speak, but Gage shook his head and I fell silent. Pirates? Nowadays? Gage answered my silent questions.
“There are a lot of pirates around the world. People hear about them all the time on the news. I guess you two are a little young to read the news. But there are so many pirates that we have special flags and orders.” He looked seriously at us as Liz looked curiously at him, waiting for him to continue. After a moment, he did.
“Our flag is on our mast. For each pirate group, their flag has the logo of their captain and the color of his rank. Ours is a black flag, meaning that he is one of the higher ranking pirate captains, with over ten years experience. His logo is a circle of flames. I hope you’re never unlucky enough to find out why.”
Liz couldn’t stop her sarcastic comment. “JB must love the irony of his flag. Fire on water. Is that what this whole yacht full of killers thinks of themselves as?” Gage looked seriously at her.
“That’s exactly what we think of ourselves as. In fact, that’s what this yacht is called, in case you haven’t noticed. JB does like the irony.” I didn’t know why, but his tone made a shiver run down my spine.
“When we have storms, the flag is taken down so as not to get lost. If someone loses or rips the flag, the cost is their life.” I stared disbelievingly at Gage, but he was dead serious. Liz wasn’t able to keep quiet.
“They kill someone for ripping a flag?” Her incredulous tone mirrored her expression and mine. Gage only nodded before moving on to a different subject.
“You already met JB, and Liz has seen some of the loyalty towards him. JB is the captain, and he is obeyed without question. Everyone on board is unwaveringly loyal to him, and he’s been captain for twelve years now. The one time someone tried to take leadership from him, he died.”
At my silent look, Gage elaborated. “Some captains are made when they challenge the old captain to a fight and kill him. Others are selected and given power through ceremony. Most times, the captain just picks a first mate who will become captain when he the captain dies.”
This time, I couldn’t hold my question back. “How? Doesn’t the first mate get challenged?”
Gage shook his head. “The first mate goes through a ceremony of blood, where the forearms of both the captain and selected first mate are cut open, and they press arms together, forming a blood bond. The soul of the captain is transferred by blood.” His voice was distant, and I could tell that he really believed it.
Gage snapped out of his reverie and smiled at us. “There isn’t a first mate right now. But everyone still is very loyal to JB. He keeps order among us, and everyone obeys the laws.” I raised an eyebrow, but Liz was the one who asked the question I thought.
“Pirates follow laws? I thought they were law-breakers!” Gage laughed at her startled voice, but soon he was serious again.
“Yes, we have laws. You need to know them, because breaking them can cost you your life. Are you listening?” Liz and I nodded mutely.
“Good. You must always obey the captain, and always respect him. Salute him as he passes you, let him walk ahead, wait for him to speak before you do. Never insult him.” Gage’s dark eyes raked our faces sternly, making sure we understood that he was absolutely serious.
“From now until you are freed, your only loyalty is to the captain, and you never contradict him or question an order. Always call him ‘Captain’ or ‘Sir’, never JB. Never show pain or fear. Those are weaknesses, and if you are weak, then you are killed. People on this ship have no time for weak links.” Gage’s voice was completely flat, betraying no emotion. I sat in silent shock as he continued reeling off the laws.
“When other pirate ships or vessels come near ours, whomever has the highest rank has priority for speaking first. You are in a strict chain of command: The captain, the first mate, the rest of the crew, and then you two. I’m sorry to say that you will have to take everything you are told to do without a word of complaint. Breaking a law demands swift retribution: Death.”
He let his words sink in for a moment as I stared at him. Could a place really have such harsh rules? And was our situation so bad that we had to do anything anyone told us to? The answer was plain from his expression. When he spoke again, his voice was a little softer.
“Our honor code is very strict. Most importantly, deals or agreements with others can never be broken. A deal or agreement made with the captain binds the whole crew. If you break a deal, you lose respect and command, and you are killed. Death is a preferable option to giving information to others if ever demanded to do so.” He looked hard at me, and then at Liz.
“Lastly, never disregard the chain of command. You’re going to be living in tough conditions, and I’ll try to help, but the best thing I can do for you is make sure you toughen up. It’s a dog eat dog world, and right now, you’re very breakable.” His voice was regretful at the end, and I could clearly see his pain at the thought of making us ‘tougher’.
“Get up off your feet.” He said quietly but authoritatively. I jumped to my feet at the same time Liz did, and we both stood up as straight as possible. “Have either of you ever done any form of fighting?”
I looked at Liz before shaking my head. I had never done anything concerning fighting, because Mom thought it was dangerous. I almost laughed at the irony. Liz shook her head as well. “Gage… when you were talking to us about the laws… you make it sound like we’re one of you.”
I hadn’t noticed it, but now that I thought back, she was right. I looked at Gage in confusion. They didn’t want us to be one of them, right? All Gage wanted was for us to toughen up so we could survive until we were rescued. I couldn’t stop the shiver going down my spine at the thought that I might never go home, but Gage didn’t notice.
Liz cast me a sharp glance as Gage responded slowly. “I’m afraid that the captain doesn’t know what he’s going to do with you. But while you are on this ship, you are one of us, and bound by our rules. Don’t try anything. A good many things go around in the dark beside Santa Claus.” I shivered at his forlorn tone.
Gage seemed to snap back from his grave contemplation and he smiled encouragingly at us. “Now, I need to teach you how to fight. Are you ready?” I nodded and Liz responded with an enthusiastic yes. We spent the rest of the day working hard to learn as much as we could.
Finally, night began to fall outside, and Gage let us stop. I dropped to the ground next to Liz, catching my breath as Gage went to get us some food. We had just finished kicking and punching drills, which we had been doing for half an hour without rest.
“You okay?” Liz asked, leaning against the wall. I nodded, sitting up straighter.
“I’m fine. You?” I asked. She grinned at me.
“I feel like I’ve been doing kicks and punches for the whole day.” I grimaced at her response and massaged my leg.
“Yeah, who knew it would be so hard.” All the muscles in my arms and legs were sore, and I thought my limbs would just drop. Liz opened her mouth to say something, but Gage entered the room at that moment with three bowls. I couldn’t have cared less that we were having porridge again, because at this point I could have eaten a cow.
Liz and I dug in, and Gage ate more slowly. He was watching us with a wary expression, and as soon as I finished eating, I asked, “What’s wrong?” Liz looked up sharply from her bowl, staring warily at Gage.
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “JB wants proof that you’ve learned something. He’s coming in about ten minutes to test you. Liz is going first.” I saw his fist tighten a little, and I pressed for information.
“What happens if he’s not satisfied?” Gage grimaced, and I could tell that he had been hoping I wouldn’t ask.
“He will punish you. I won’t be able to do anything to stop it.” His voice was final. I glanced in fear at Liz, but she straightened her shoulders and gave me a brave smile.
“Well then, I’ll make sure to satisfy him. Don’t worry.” To anyone else, she would have seemed perfectly confident and sure of herself, but I could see that she was scared. I didn’t trust myself to speak, so I only nodded, and Gage motioned for me to stand near the wall.
“Ash, when JB comes in, you will not make a sound. Be very still, no matter what. Is that clear?” He wasn’t asking, he was ordering. I nodded, and he turned to face Liz, who had gotten to her feet. He murmured something to her, and she nodded, a determined look crossing her face.
Just then, the door opened, and JB stepped in. He was dressed in a baggy shirt and jeans that had been sawed off just under the knees, but he radiated authority. He nodded to Gage, who sharply saluted before turning to Liz. “All right, Liz. Show him what we learned today.” Gage’s voice was kind, but he was obviously worried.
Liz took a deep breath and faced JB, who looked at her as though she were a bug under a microscope. “Attack me.” He said curtly.
I forced myself to stay put as Liz clenched her fists and took another steadying breath before launching herself at JB. She swung a punch the way that Gage had taught us, but JB caught her hand. “Faster!” He commanded.
Again and again, she attacked and JB caught her legs or arms as she kicked or punched. I leaned tensely forward, trying to track Liz’s movements the way JB was, but she was too fast for me, even after only a day of training.
Finally, JB snapped me out of my intense concentration by stopping Liz and looking at Gage. “She’s fast. Strong too. Her punches are bad. She doesn’t control her swings. Her kicking is hideous. Not enough power in the legs, that’s what it is. She’s trying to hit with her toes.”
I clenched my fists, hoping that JB wouldn’t punish her. Gage only nodded, his face devoid of emotion. He stood silently as JB took Liz by the arm and began to lead her away. I took a step forward as though to stop him, but Gage’s sharp shake of the head stopped me. I would only make her punishment worse.
I stood stiffly, listening for sounds. When I heard Liz shriek in pain, my hands began to shake, but I stood in silence, fury boiling in my veins. There was silence for a moment, then a crash and thud as someone fell to the ground. Gage stood stone faced, not saying anything. I closed my eyes, trying to block out the sounds.
Finally, the sounds stopped, and my eyes snapped open and JB reentered the room, not a hair out of place. My face was completely blank as he came to stand in front of me. “Attack.” He said, a cold command.
Summoning all the fury inside of me, I launched myself at him. He caught my kick, but it sent him staggering backward. Only a half step though, and I attacked him again, lashing out with a punch. He blocked it as well, and my fury made me see red. How could he not be punished for hurting Liz? But he would go unpunished, because I wasn’t strong enough.
I growled deep in my throat as he simply blocked a kick, and I stopped, panting hard. JB turned to look at Gage. “He’s completely undisciplined. He let his anger take over, and in consequence he was sloppier. He managed to pivot well on his kicks, but he doesn’t have much power or speed in his arms.”
I might have imagined the flicker of pity that quickly disappeared into his expressionless mask. “Yes sir. I will work on them on that, sir.” Gage’s voice was not at all the way it was when he talked to us. Instead of a calm, soothing tone, now his tone was curt and very military fashioned. JB nodded his approval, and then he grabbed me by the arm.
My automatic reaction was to pull back, but the only thing that earned me was a sharp slap across the face. “Come along.” JB ordered, letting go of my arm. I clenched my fists but followed JB to the room next door. He opened the door, and my breath caught in a gasp as I saw Liz.
What I could see of her arms and legs were already bruising, dark black and blue in some places and green in others. Blood was trickling down her left temple. But what struck me most was her expression. It wasn’t beaten or scared, but defiant. She was glowing with a kind of beauty that left me breathless, even through the bruises and blood.
She smiled bravely at me, and I managed to smile back through my shock and growing fury. JB didn’t stop me as I ran to her, and I helped her to her feet. Liz leaned unashamedly on me, and one of my arms went around her waist to help support her. “Are you okay?” I knew it was a stupid thing to ask, but I needed to say something.
She tried to grin at me, even though she was obviously in pain. It came out more like a grimace. “I’m fine.” Rolling my eyes at her, I turned to JB, who was watching us in amusement. He spoke quietly.
“Ash, take her back to your room, then come back to receive your punishment. Be quick… or face my displeasure.” His voice was very quiet and silky at the end, but somehow when I was around Liz, he didn’t scare me. He sounded more like the bad guys in those Disney movies, reciting his lines faithfully.
As soon as we were out of earshot, Liz turned to me, looking scared. “Ash, you can’t go there. He’ll hurt you!” I tried to hide my own fear as I looked at her.
“It’s okay. And I don’t exactly have a choice.” My voice didn’t shake, for which I was glad, but Liz knew I was terrified anyway. As I opened the door to our room and helped her sit on her bedroll, she put her hand on my cheek, looking hard at me.
“We’ll get out of here, Ash. I know we will. And when we leave, we’ll turn in JB and the others to the police. Everything will work out.” She spoke with fiery conviction, as though she could will those words into reality. I hoped for both of us that she could.
“I know, Liz.” I straightened, smiling bravely at her bruised and bloodied face before turning and heading out the door. I stopped outside the door to the punishment room, forcing myself to calm down and walk in.
I stepped inside to find JB leaning against the wall, coolly looking me over. “Attack.” He demanded again. I stared at him for a moment. He wanted to fight? Steadying myself, I soared in with a punch. This time, instead of just blocking it, JB send a hard kick to my solar plexus, making my fly backwards and then fall to my knees, trying to catch my breath.
Before I could get to my feet, his foot slammed into my ribs. I heard something crack, and a sharp pain where he had kicked told me that my rib was broken. Scrambling to my feet, I lurched away from him, trying not to get hit. He came at me again with a punch to the head that knocked me backwards off my feet. When his foot kicked my head, I faded into unconsciousness.
'I didn't know that I could ever forgive him for everything he'd done to me. Now that I looked back on it, that he'd put a child through such torment seemed even worse. But right now, it wasn't him I was forgiving or thanking. It wasn't even about him.
I was forgiving myself.' -Speak Into Silence




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Not quite sure what to put. I really liked it. Your description was good, but now I'm confused.
JB turned to look at Gage. “He’s completely undisciplined. He let his anger take over, and in consequence he was sloppier. He managed to pivot well on his kicks, but he doesn’t have much power or speed in his arms.”

I thought Ash was a girl. XD Like how Liz is short for Elizabeth or something (I forget). Or was that a typo?

Anyhoo, good work. You have talent as a writer. Keep going.
Looking for someone who won't disappoint you?
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lol some else mentioned that too. no, Ash is a boy. Liz is a girl, and Liz is short for Charlize.
'I didn't know that I could ever forgive him for everything he'd done to me. Now that I looked back on it, that he'd put a child through such torment seemed even worse. But right now, it wasn't him I was forgiving or thanking. It wasn't even about him.
I was forgiving myself.' -Speak Into Silence




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Ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! :smt005 Well that makes sense! Thanks!
Looking for someone who won't disappoint you?
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Hey, sorry for not reviewing it earlier. But, here I am.

He didn’t mention anything about the night before, but I figured that he had heard what had transpired by now.

I don't know, but the repetition of the word 'had' seems to cut the flow of the sentence. Maybe change it to, "but I figured that he must have heard about what had transpired, by now"

“Okay, I’m going to try and explain a little bit more about us. The first thing you need to know is that we are pirates.”

The way he says this startling news seems a bit too abrupt. You should add more of a natural effect about the way he behaves when he says this. Like, "Okay, I'm going to try and explain a little bit about us." he sighed and looked hesitant about what he was going to say, "The first thing you need to know is that we are........pirates"

I opened my mouth to speak, but Gage shook his head and I fell silent. Pirates? Nowadays? Gage answered my silent questions.

Lack of effect, feelings, seems evident here. I mean, to a 10 year old, pirates seems murderous, inhumane, killers and that will surely result in atleast a bit of a shock. But, this boy seems to take it in at once.

But there are so many pirates that we have special flags and orders.

I had to read this several times to understand it. Try changing it to, "But there are so many pirates that each of us have specific flags and ships/rules (Orders are not things out of which we can differentiate pirates from one another. As most of them get the same orders)

Is that what this whole yacht full of killers thinks of themselves as?”

I really can't understand why Liz would give a comment like this. I mean, Gage describes the logo of their ship and she comments on the people on it. :?

The one time someone tried to take leadership from him, he died.

You starts the sentence with a future tense, but you end it in past. Either change the whole sentence, or the word 'died' to 'dies'

A good many things go around in the dark beside Santa Claus.

:lol: Nice one.

“We’ll get out of here, Ash. I know we will. And when we leave, we’ll turn in JB and the others to the police. Everything will work out.” She spoke with fiery conviction, as though she could will those words into reality. I hoped for both of us that she could.

I know that this girl is braver than a regular 10 year old, but no one can be this brave. And she's beat up to pulp. I was surprised that she could stand. You should also increase the amount of feelings and emotions you put in your story. Her pain, her anger, her feelings towards Ash (If any. I hope there are). It adds more of a natural side to your story.

Before I could get to my feet, his foot slammed into my ribs. I heard something crack, and a sharp pain where he had kicked told me that my rib was broken. Scrambling to my feet, I lurched away from him, trying not to get hit.

Can a 10 year old boy actually stand after a rib getting cracked. It's a devastating pain he'll be feeling by then. So I really can't understand how he could do it.

Overall

Well, this part was much better than the last two parts in typos and stuffs. Though, you still lack the certain feelings, emotions and etc. I know it's hard to give a full account of all those everywhere, but atleast put some of it.

One thing I want to know is, are there bathrooms to girls in that boat. I mean, it's fully male one isn't it? And are there anything in that boat that you can use to wash? I don't think so. But, you characters are from decent families who could, atleast not at once, get used to this lifestyle of the pirates. So, write about them seeking those things also.

Another thing, 'you didn't include anything about what your characters smell or taste. Smell in the sense of anything. You could say that 'I could smell Liz's girlish sweat as I supported her to our room' or 'The salty smell of sea breeze seemed sharp in my nose'
These, things adds up to the fact that your characters are humans. Please take time to include these things in your story.

Alright, Good luck. :D
Warden: "If you want to lead, all you have to do is ask."
Alistair: "What? Lead? Me? No, no, no. No leading. Bad things happen when I lead. We get lost, people die, and the next thing you know I'm stranded somewhere without any pants."
- Dragon Age

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