Corinth-Chapter 2 part 1

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I started to gasp, but then decided that would be unwise, so I tried to disguise it into a sneeze. He seemed to believe it. He also looked impatient. I realized he had said hello to me and I had not said anything back, and that was extremely rude.
“Hello,” I whispered, then cringed at the weakness of it. I had hoped to pretend like I had not seen him before. To my surprise, he laughed.
“Ah, my coloring is a bit frightening, no?” he questioned. He thought that in the minute we had been in the room together, his looks had scared me. No, I wish that was the case. I nodded weakly. He gave another laugh.
“I am the only one in my family to look like this. I have always thought that Zeus made me different looking so that my parents could tell the difference between my twin and me.”
“I-I-I am,” I stuttered, “Agape.”
“Oh,” He put a hand to his forehead, “I forgot to tell you my name. It is Melanion.” Black. His name meant black.
“Strange name for someone who is all white,” I said, the first thing I said that was more that a whisper. Yet again, he laughed.
“I have always thought that my name was referring to the color of my heart, not the shading of my skin.” He said, raising one eyebrow.
Before I had time to respond, Maximos burst through the door. He walked up to Melanion and looked him in the eyes. He did not seemed disturbed by the fact that his eyes were not a human color. This action confirmed my suspicions. Melanion had not arrived an hour before. I did not know how much before he had arrived, but it was before the day before, as no one would be able to get into our estate at night or early morning, that is when our guards are the most plentiful as their posts.
“Hello. I am Maximos. You must be Melanion.” Melanion looked amused, Maximos looked tense.
“Aye, that is me. It is quite a pleasure to meet you, Maximos.”
“No, the pleasure is mine.” The tone of Maximos’ voice made it sound that it was not his pleasure. I could imagine why not. That caused me to shudder. I did not trust this man, though I know that others would. His voice was hypnotic, and was always saying the right things. At this point, Maximos spoke again.
“I see you have met our Moon Princess.”
“Yes, I have, and I quite enjoy her presence. We shall see a lot of each other during my stay at your gorgeous manor.” And with that, I was escorted out by the guards.

That evening, after our nighttime repast, we gathered in the music room for entertainment kindly provided by the royal young women in the manor. Calista picked up her kithara, Alyssa, her lyre, and Sophronia, her panflute. I sat down in between Calista and Alyssa. I did not have an instrument that I played well, but my father would say that I had a singing voice that pleased even the Olympians. I did not agree with him, but I sang anyway.
The flowing melody started trickling out of the panflute, then the lyre and the kithara. I glanced enviously at them, and then started up the song. It was one of my favorites, a song for Apollo, and the harmony swooped up and down.
A few times during the song, I dared to steal a glance at our smooth talking guest of honor. Every time I looked over, he was gazing at nothing at nothing in particular, and seemed to be calculating.

After a few songs, we bade each other goodnight and set off for our rooms. I had trouble sleeping; I had too much to think about. Melanion, Maximos’ tortured gaze, and the overall uneasiness I had been feeling. I tried to convince myself that I was imagining things and it would be a pleasant courtship with an unusual prince, but to no avail. Eventually, I drifted off.

I awoke with a start. Someone screaming. I jumped out of bed and tried to open the door. I appeared that someone was leaning against it. I knocked on it. Evia opened it.
“Evia, what is happening?” I questioned, fear growing within me.
“I know not, miss, but Maximos told a few of us to make sure everyone on this floor stayed in their rooms,” She said nervously, “I am very sorry, but I cannot let you out.”
I closed the door, knowing that I could not get past the study maidservant. More screams, some of anguish, some of fear. I realized that my parents were not on this floor, therefore not safe, but everyone else was. Suddenly, Maximos’ words from the previous morning came floating back to me, “tomorrow will be best because tonight is a bad time”. Whatever they were planning the day before had come to life. The screaming got to be too much for me, I had to know what was going on. I leaned out of my large bay window. Vines grew on this side of the house that were good for climbing. I had climbed out of the window many times before, but that day it felt like a long drop. I scrambled out anyway.
I landed on the ground with a soft thud. I had no shoes on. I ignored my bare feet and walked towards the garden, where the shouts were coming from. As I rounded the corner, I immediately wished I had stayed in my room. To this day, I play back the horror scene that was before me. Many soldiers were on the ground and only three remained standing. Maximos, Melanion, and my father. The sword in Melanion’s hands was touching the king of Corinth’s neck.
"Life is a dream and dreams themselves are only dreams..."




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between my twin and me.”



this should be "and I."
“I have always thought that my name was referring to the color of my heart, not the shading of my skin.” He said, raising one eyebrow.


seriously, nobody would ever say this, no matter how crazed they are.
Melanion had not arrived an hour before. I did not know how much before he had arrived, but it was before the day before, as no one


before, before, before..... get rid of some.
“Aye, that is me


unless he's really old or a sailor, this is not how greeks usually talk/ed.

Every time I looked over, he was gazing at nothing at nothing in particular, and seemed to be calculating.


calculating is something.
start. Someone was screaming.


my change in bold


overall, good job. keep writing. :mrgreen: :elephant:
Honey, you should see me in a crown.




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Dun dun dunnnn! Dramatic cliffhanger!

I fail to see how this is a romance story, but knowing how crazy Greek mythology can be, it's bound to come up!

The black heart part made me laugh. It was kind of hilarious in its awkwardness.

The ending was pretty dramatic! However, I find it hard to believe that the king is not guarded and that this guy who came was not guarded in the least. If she sees a lot of suitors, then that implies that none of them are particularly close, which means that it isn't necessary for them to not guard them. I don't know. It just seems a bit strange. And remember... Maximos may be the betrayer, but there are other people probably involved that might try to stop this.

I find it hard to believe that the servant Evia has no idea what is happening, yet she gives that message to Agape. And unless Agape is really naive, I don't see why she wouldn't press her for more details.
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D




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Hi! Thanks for Pming me lol. I loved this chapter! I have nothing to add -as a nitpick- that hasn't already been said. Please pm me for the next chapter?

Thanks !

Tanya



The adventures I enjoy are usually of a literary nature.
— Henry Winchester