NE; 'The Glory Poem'

Infinite bite and trialed fights,
bayonettes not short from sight.
The sky bleached red like the fiery pitts of hell.
The bombs like my foot, not so swell and Gorey.
The fight i played, not only for the glory
but so i could tell of a story.
The crusted mud, a dug out river.
The prosperous sporn of Satan, infecting and penetrating the guard.
Black shrouded cloak, the collision and implode.
Tormenting the soul, tugging at the heart strings.
Like a lonely puppet, or a child with a tear.
The patriot and heart. The gem and colloquial.
With the pain i suffer, the loss i spared.
The glory shall be divine in truth.
And in truth, i know that glory is mine.

NeverendingPages wrote:Infinite bite and trialed trialled fights,
bayonettes bayonets not short from sight.
The sky bleached red like the fiery pitts pits of hell.
The bombs like my foot, not so swell and Gorey gory.
The fight i I played, not only for the glory
but so i I could tell of a story.
The crusted mud, a dug out river.
The prosperous sporn spawn of Satan, infecting and penetrating the guard.
Black shrouded cloak, the collision and implode.
Tormenting the soul, tugging at the heart strings.
Like a lonely puppet, or a child with a tear.
The patriot and heart. The gem and colloquial.
With the pain i I suffer, the loss i I spared.
The glory shall be divine in truth.
And in truth, i I know that glory is mine.

Right, there are a few spelling mistakes and grammatical errors but i've changed those
I'm guessing this is about war, but I don't really understand it -
"The bombs like my foot, not so swell and gory.", I don't understand how bombs can be like a foot? And war is gory, isn't it? So, if you could just explain that?
It also doesn't seem to have a middle, the beginning of the poem is brilliant with a lovely rhyme scheme and it flows perfectly but from 'not so swell and gory' to 'with the pain I suffer' I can't seem to find a meaning or really understand what the speakers point of view is?
At the end, the speaker does seem patriotic and as though he fought a battle and won - however,

NeverendingPages wrote:Black shrouded cloak, the collision and implode.
Tormenting the soul, tugging at the heart strings.
Like a lonely puppet, or a child with a tear.
The patriot and heart. The gem and colloquial.

that seems to say the complete opposite? Unless you are now speaking about those losing battle, in which needs to be made clear?

I think every line in the poem is really effective, but at the moment in my head it seems like 15 lines being pushed together with a confused structure. Also, you begin rhyming - then stop, and switch between long and short sentences which is confusing in itself. However, when you decide whether you want a rhyme scheme, and fiddle with the structure of the poem I think it will be excellent

aright! this is pretty good, but like the review above me says, it gets hard to understand and seemingly pointless. You also use big words-- its nice to have a good vocab, but poetry should be simplistic, for the most part. Actually, you only had one word like that-- colloquial. Keep writing, this shows promise. Also, I see you're new. Be sure to do plenty of reviews, and try to keep up with the amount of posts you do-- you know, one for one. Its hard to do-- believe me, no one actually does-- but its a good thing to aim for.

thanks to both of you i can see how both of you are correct and im putting these points into consideration when i am re-writing it oh and btw i've written 4 reviews so far so hopefully im goin to keep up.

Infinite bite and trialed fights, " Infinite bite and trialled fights"
bayonettes not short from sight. " bayonnetes ....
The sky bleached red
like the fiery pitts of hell.
The bombs like my foot,
not so swell and Gorey.
The fight i played, " the fights I played "
not only for the glory
but so i could tell of a story. " that I could tell a story"
The crusted mud, a dug out river.
The prosperous sporn of Satan,
infecting and penetrating the guard.
Black shrouded cloak, the collision and implode.
Tormenting the soul,
tugging at the heart strings. " tugging at the heart's strings. "
Like a lonely puppet,
or a child with a tear.
The patriot and heart.
The gem and colloquial.
With the pain i suffer, " with the pains I suffered"
the loss i spared. =" the loss I spared "
The glory shall be divine in truth. " the glory shall be divined in truth"
And in truth, i know that glory is mine. "and in truth, I knew the glory was mine"


Your poem expressed your thoughts about war.
Definitely, this is a good piece of yours
but since the person in the poem is you from the word I,
write I in capital letter not in small letter i . "I " always
took a plural verb and always be capitalized. Check some of your mispelled words for I am not good at this.

Infinite bite and trialed fights, " Infinite bite and trialled fights"
bayonettes not short from sight. " bayonnetes ....
The sky bleached red
like the fiery pitts of hell.
The bombs like my foot,
not so swell and Gorey.
The fight i played, " the fights I played "
not only for the glory
but so i could tell of a story. " that I could tell a story"
The crusted mud, a dug out river.
The prosperous sporn of Satan,
infecting and penetrating the guard.
Black shrouded cloak, the collision and implode.
Tormenting the soul,
tugging at the heart strings. " tugging at the heart's strings. "
Like a lonely puppet,
or a child with a tear.
The patriot and heart.
The gem and colloquial.
With the pain i suffer, " with the pains I suffered"
the loss i spared. =" the loss I spared "
The glory shall be divine in truth. " the glory shall be divined in truth"
And in truth, i know that glory is mine. "and in truth, I knew the glory was mine"


Your poem expressed your thoughts about war.
Definitely, this is a good piece of yours
but since the person in the poem is you from the word I,
write I in capital letter not in small letter i . "I " always
took a plural verb and always be capitalized. Check some of your mispelled words for I am not good at this.