Never Knew my Name(Preview)

This is just to see if any one likes it. A small preview. Reviewing is fine too

“Adoption day!” a girl excitedly shouted.

“Really?” a soft voice asked.

“Yes!” the same girl replied.

I couldn’t stand adoption day. I already knew what was going to happen. Already knew it for five years. I felt a tug on my pants that broke me out of my thought.

“Aren’t you excited?” the eight-year-old Danielle asked. Her bright blue, cheerful eyes glared up at me. “I know this time you’ll be adopted. You’ll find a nice home!” Danielle’s lips curved up into a warm smile, almost making me believe that I would have been taken home.

I hesitated before I replied. It was hard to lie to someone so innocent. “Of course, Dani, I bet I will, too. But, when you get a mommy today, I hope you remember me,” I smiled at her.

She giggled and hugged my leg. “Do you think she will be really pretty?”

“Just like you,” I assured her.

Danielle smiled and rushed out of the room with the rest of the girls. I sighed and sat down on my bed that needed to be made; there was no point in going. Dani was so lucky. She was young, adorable, and lovable. I knew that she would be adopted that day. Assured, was a better word for it. Danielle had a new, short-sleeved, tee-shirt fabric dress that was a medium brown and fell just below her knees; it brought out here eyes. She would be adopted. A piece of me would be taken away.

Then, I felt a pit of loneliness in my stomach. When Danielle was adopted, who would I be able to talk to? Dani was the only one who cared, even if she didn't understand what I was saying. I bit my lip. No, it was good she would find a home. A nice mom, a good dad, and a better education, it was good.

*

Ten girls didn’t return. My top bunk was empty that night. She hadn’t returned to the girls’ bedroom yet. Her new parents obviously didn’t let her say goodbye. Dani shouldn’t have been adopted. That was selfish for me to have thought, but it was how I felt. I didn’t want to be alone.

The loneliness crept back into my stomach and I pulled my covers up to my neck. I tried to close my eyes, but I had a feeling I wouldn’t fall asleep that night.

How old is the narrator supposed to be? Because in reality I don't think a young child would talk like this, but if she is older than that would make sense, and it would be a cool spin on the typical adoption story.

Then, I felt a pit of loneliness in my stomach. When Danielle was adopted, who would I be able to talk to? Dani was the only one who cared, even if she didn't understand what I was saying. I bit my lip. No, it was good she would find a home. A nice mom, a good dad, and a better education, it was good.

Ten girls didn’t return. My top bunk was empty that night. She hadn’t returned to the girls’ bedroom yet. Her new parents obviously didn’t let her say goodbye. Dani shouldn’t have been adopted. That was selfish for me to have thought, but it was how I felt. I didn’t want to be alone.

You should maybe put a * in between these two paragraphs to show that some time has passed, even though it's kind of obvious.

Even though it's a preview it kind of went a bit rushed - nothing has started though so I can understand how I feel that way. To the poster above, I think the narrator is probably 15 or so, if you read the context clues and such you can easily find that out. But, it would be odd if the narrator was really young..., like Dani! I liked this and nice descriptions but it could have a bit more.

Keep on writing!

Logan.

Thanks for the review, xLogan ^.^

Hmm I'll try to find a way to slow it down

Hmm... this is okay...The plot's pretty weak, and it's slightly confusing.

I'm going to give up on this story.
I got bored with it, and I wrote it a while ago.
But, do check out my fanfiction and review?
Thanks ^.^