The Girl Named Evelyn

Midnight,
rain falls and strong wind blows,
Evelyn stands alone in the furious storm,
shivering.
There's nothing over her shoulders,
but torn, old rags.


People hurry past,
and cars drive along,
but Evelyn remains invisible,
cold and hungry.


Evelyn falls to her knees,
whilst raindrops smash onto her,
oblivious to her fragility.
She kneels in the raging storm,
clinging on to nothing,
tugging at Death's sleeves,
for him to take her.


Dawn breaks,
and the rain stops.
The sun rises behind the horizons,
giving the world another day of life.


The citizens leave home for work,
and children go to school.
A tiny body lies in the middle of the road,
motionless,
unbreathing.


People see her lying on the road,
unmoving.
They see her heart-shaped face,
and say that she'd been so beautiful.

wow. I really liked this, because it's powerful and moving. I like your style of writing, especially in this lyrical form, but I also read your other post, i think it was called the silver angel. Both of these posts show the same kind of deepness, and they really convey the emotion you were feeling or trying to make the reader feel, so congratulations on that. the one thing i'd suggest about this poem is that you don't need to have a comma of period at the end of every line--sometimes it flows well without one. And like in the very first line, changing something from a comma to a period sometimes changes the whole mood of the word: 'midnight,rain falls and strong wind blows' vs. 'Midnight. Rain falls and strong wind blows'. That's just something to think about, but great job!
P.S. feel free to check out some of my work sometime! *I just joined so I don't really know anyone here*

Wow, nice poem. As "Caitlingrant" had said above, you poem seems so deep, and yet so understandable and emotive. With each word the reader feels the sorrow you want them to feel. They understand the feelings of the character and her pain. You have written this poem as if you were the character on it, and you were feeling the same pain, sorrow just as this character did.

Evelyn falls to her knees,
whilst raindrops smash onto her,
oblivious to her fragility.
She kneels in the raging storm,
clinging on to nothing,
tugging at Death's sleeves,
for him to take her.

This part I liked the best. It was clearly giving an impression that the character was feeling that the nature all going against her, oblivious to her pain, suffering. And you showed how she begged 'death' to take her, than live in this mortal world full of pain, fear, sorrow and suffering. It was a very good idea for you to personalize death.

So, all in all, one of best poems. Well, good luck.

I liked your poem, but there are some words you used that seem off and don't flow. "Whilst" where you have it makes the whole line seem like a blast from the past, when your poem seems modern. And "Unbreathing."(is that even a word?) I just think that's ugly! You can find something more beautiful to replace it, right?
Other than that, the poem created great imagery and i applaud you.
~Classy

Thanks for your comment, and I'll sure think about your suggestion.=)
'Unbreathing' is certainly a word. Check it out in Secret Vampire, the first Night World novel by L.J. Smith. Saw it there.