The Doves

Okay, here's how it all came out to be...
One foggy day on the wedding day for my parents(mom and stepfather #3). I was kinda looking forward to hanging out with my boyfriend and his black skater boy haircut and deep blue eyes that would make any girl melt except me. i have been going out with Alex for 1 year and 8 months. We have been sneaking around making love and now that I'm pregnant and Alex, Alex's mom Stacie and i are the only ones who know, its bound to get out. Currently I'm 2 months but i go in for a check-up in 2 weeks. Later on after the reception and everything i went toliveat Alex's for a year to give my parents space. i never Quite saw my mom any more so that was the perfect thing. the right time to get pregnant. " Time to go Kaitlynn!" Stacie said " Alex is in the car waiting." As i went down the stairs in the house slowly to make sure that i wasn't going to trip i noticed that i was a lot bigger than 2 weeks ago at the wedding. "Hey Stacie am i too big for only 3 months now?" i asked very concernedly "No i was the same size when i was 3 months, now lets go." We got to the hospital in like 10 minutes. We went into the hospital and in the special baby room. "Hello, my name is Jazzlynn and i am going to be helping you today!" the nurse said "How old are you?" asked the nurse "I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 16 tuning 17 in 6 months!" I said not knowing what this had to do with anything.







Okay i have to finish the rest later my fingers are sore!!! Please comment but don't criticize and i don't want opinions thanks keep reading!!!

I see that you do not have many posts here, giving me the conclusion that you are pretty new here. I would just like you to know that this place is a forum where a lot of writers write more serious pieces of work here. You may take your writing seriously, I do not know, but by the looks of how you wrote "I" in lowercase so many times, it makes me think that you do not. If you actually want to improve as a writer, this place will be helpful, but if you're just here to post stories and read people's replies to them, I would advice you to post things on a fan fic forum or some other place of that sort.

There is such a thing called constructive critisism and it's usually thought as a good thing.

You can span things out longer... How does she feel about pregnancy? Why is she so comfortable with her boyfriend? How did she tell her mom? Is her boyfriend's mom comfortable with raising her irresponsible son's child? Is this girl aware of what this really means? For crying out loud there's a living thing inside of her, and all she can see out of it is how she left her mom and now she's huge?

All I'm saying is that this is a place where you write stories, stories that turn into a book like form, with these things called chapters and capital i's. You just wrote this like the high hore in my design class would.

Details!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Otherwise I would like to read this.

There is so many spelling and grammar mistakes. Your setences are dying! Please correct (and save) them! We also need to feel what's the character is feeling. She seems single minded. Remember she is human. So all she cares about is her baby, and how big her belly is going to get? Or her boyfriend who she married? And what happened between her parents that caused her to give them 'space'? We need lots of more detail to make reading this more enjoyable. There's something called characterization. We need to feel what the character is feeling and know her. Her thoughts, her movements, her way of speaking, her emotions will help us and give your story some life. Your story has a interesting plot though.

And there's a rule: four reviews for every story you post. And if you don't want criticism and you just want comments, go to another website. I'm sure there's a lot of websites with no criticism for you to write better.

Hi. Kamas here.

Well to state what the others said. This site gives you critism for you to improve your piece and writing in general. If you only wish opinions, this may not be the site for you. But I encourage you to stay! See what people think could improve in your writing. It is really a rewarding experience, you should give it a shot. If you want a critique, send me a message anytime. It's what I'm here for

Now for a quick opinion, as you asked:

I'm afraid this wasn't great. Your characters are flat and the story is basically a list. Really needs some TLC and you'll have your start point. But no more of that as you don't want a critique.

Remember. Message me anytime and I'll try my best to help you and give you edit points to make this story the best that it can be.

Also to correct. We encourage 3 reviews, not 4, before you post a work of any sort. Just to keep the YWS economy up and running. It will also improve your chances of getting lots of comments because people return the favour.

~ Kamas

Hello and welcome to YWS! The other guys were right! There were a lot of grammatical errors, but they can be easily fixed. Just take the time and fix it. Good grammar is lovely and can make a piece that much more readable.

Now, for the content! I am not going to critique it, per say... I just want to post some thoughts of the story... and yes, opinions.

1. I think Stacie is evil. Now, you may be thinking, "Yes, but she is helping Kaitlynn out!" But, as an adult, I am wondering what her motives are. Let's look at what's happened:

- Her son has impregnated a teen girl.
- She is hiding this information from Kaitlynn's mom.
- She is letting her live at her house to "protect" her from the rest of society.
- She dismisses Kaitlynn's concern about her pregnancy.

...does this not sound like she has a huge potential for being an emotional abuser to Kaitlynn? And Alex isn't helping. Since she's pregnant with his baby, she won't want to leave him... and since Stacie is providing for them both, I can see her manipulating Kaitlynn to a great degree. I mean, if Kaitlynn wants to get out and her mom is not too thrilled with the whole baby thing and cuts her off, then Kaitlynn cannot possibly afford the baby. Which means Stacie can say, "I'll take it!" since the father is her dependent... yup. This is really nasty. I kind of hate Stacie. This cannot end prettily...