Night and Day

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Gender Female
Points 1932
Reviews 11
There is no difference,
between night and day,
day is just night playing backwards.
There is no difference between
sun streaked skies.
And hotness to coldness.
Coldness to hot.
The night is day, hiding in
the shadows.
The day is night, center stage.
The darkness of dawn,
the darkness of dusk,
it is just thee same.
One early, one not.
One dawn.
One dusk.
There is no difference,
between night and day.
Both tell the time,
and both are the same.




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Points 2011
Reviews 9
Hey, great poem!

I'll review it for you - the stuff in bold are the corrections, & umm, stuff. XD

IamArt wrote:There is no difference,
between night and day,
day is just night playing backwards.
There is no difference between
sun streaked skies.
And hotness to coldness. I think you wanted a comma here...
Coldness to hot.
The night is day, hiding in
the shadows.
The day is night, center stage.
The darkness of dawn,
the darkness of dusk,
it is just thee same. "The". "Thee" is a really old-fashioned term for "you" XD
One early, one not.
One dawn.
One dusk.
There is no difference,
between night and day.
Both tell the time,
and both are the same. [b]Although this sounds REALLY good, this is the only part of the poem that rhymes - perhaps making the rest of the poem rhyme would be good, because I really like this part. :)



Well, hope that helps! ;)
"Behold, a Great Red Dragon!" - Max McDaniels, The Fiend and the Forge, Henry H. Neff

Ask me no questions, and I tell you no lies; ask for my oath, and I circumvent the truth; ask for my life, and death shall be considered a miracle.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1932
Reviews 11
Thank you, the "thee" was a total typing mistake, so thanks for bringing it to my attention. I've been a little concerned with this one cause I've heard some people say this was bad and made no sense, so good to see I'm not crazy in thinking it has potential.




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Reviews 4
I really loved that poem. I think it flowed very well. In response to Graffiti artist I do not think you should make the rest rhyme, that would ruin everything. Also, with that one rhyme on the end it adds kind of a crisp flourish which wraps things up neatly.



As my artist’s statement explains, my work is utterly incomprehensible and is therefore full of deep significance.
— Calvin