Soul (A simple poem)

Wesley lives inside of you
That little hippie boy
His feet are numb
His eyes are blue
That dirty little boy

So if you ever get the time
To give yourself a hug
Do, please, do, cause you know
All he wants is love









{First poem of a book I'm writing, which will be entitled either "Malachi's Box" or "The Surrealist's Box." Please, drop by, leave a comment, tell me what you think! And help me decide on the right name! Thanks. --Mr. Realms.)

I liked it. It wasn't overly pretenious, it had a kind of wisdom in its simplicity. Carried still a lot of though in its brevity, and I thought it was well executed and as poignant as a poem of its length could be. Well done!

Awakening wrote:I liked it. It wasn't overly pretenious, it had a kind of wisdom in its simplicity. Carried still a lot of though in its brevity, and I thought it was well executed and as poignant as a poem of its length could be. Well done!

Thanks!

-M.e.

This was honestly very good, I like that it's so short you can easily remember it and
say it to yourself often. Very nice rhythm and word flow. It makes the reader think about
that other person inside all of us that we don't always think about, the part of us we may
not totally treat well, may not like but do need to "love." Great job at making the audience
contemplate without lecturing or rambling. Less is more, and - in your case- the best. Kepp it up!

I kinda rocked my head a little here

It's a wonderful start for your book. I'm hoping to see the continuation.

Hey, thanks for ze critiquez!
yeah, thats the cool thing about short poems, you don't have to worry about boring anyone. Plus, short can be more powerful. I wrote the poem in the hope that it would stay with people...
And, yeah, thats sortof the idea... the lonely art-kid inside of all of us... sortof inspired by "Where the Wild Things Are" i suppose... (that is a REALLY good movie by the way.)

Thanks again,
Realms

Dradian! Welcome back.

Now this was lovely. Really it was. I get the 'Where the wild things are.' reference.
It's too short to really go into detail, but it was a really lovely little rhyming verse.

Good job.

Kamas