Confessions

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This is from the perspective of two characters from the book I'm writing. This still needs some tweaking so any suggestions are super appreciated! :D I hope the story is kind of easy to follow... :) I'll be happy to clear it up if not.
Note: ... = held out note
the 'Her' and 'Him' indicate who is singing that part
-----------------------------------

Her:
I thought you said, you needed me
I thought you wanted this,
All to work out and be fine
“Let’s move on”, “It’s okay”
Did you mean what you said?
---

Now I’m done, I’m moving on…
You can take it or leave it
But I can’t wait forever
Just pick up the pieces and go
---

He makes me feel,
Like you used to do
---

Him:
I’m not over this
I’m not used to not being around you
I wish that I could tell you
But you’ve gone with him
And I can’t be like him
---

Does he make you feel,
Like we used to?
---

Escape, go away, run away
From this pain
She is the answer
I don’t care if you hate her
I love her
And escape, run away
---

Her:
I can’t believe this
Why her, why now?
I see through you

Him:
You can’t possibly know,
That I love you
---

Her:
I can’t deny it anymore…
---

Him:
Just answer me, yes, no, please
I can’t take anymore…
---

Her:
I love him…
Denial, you said, but what could you possibly,
---

Him:
I love you…
---

Her:
No, no more, no more…
---

Him:
I love you!
Just say it, and mean it,
I love you…
---

-Instrumental-
---

Her:
Who do I love?
What is the answer?
---

Him:
I love you, I love you…
---

-Drums-
---

Her:
I love you…
I give up, you were right all along…

Together:
Always have always will,
Forever…
It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.

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Gender None specified
Points 1412
Reviews 4
I'm sorry if this sounds mean, but the whole thing was very clishe. I think it could actually be good if you just put a more unique spin on it.




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Gender Female
Points 4200
Reviews 34
I think this is pretty good. I don't think it would make a good 'just song' cause of the back and forth conversation, but since it's for a book, I picture this song in a movie and then it's good. I'm just wondering what the song is like. Is it pretty slow? What kind of instruments? I picture it with some orchastral music and maybe piano or something but that's just what I thought of.
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