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It took me some time, after the hospital incident, to realize she was actually gone forever. I would sometimes sit on the floor in front of the door waiting for her to walk in and say 'Now, Slay, you know better than to sit in front of the door. You could have broken my ankle.' After she said that I would apologize, hug her, then fix her some hot chocolate. Autumn loved hot chocolate.
I dropped out of college when she died, I couldn't bear walking into class and feeling the cold emptiness of the seat next to me knowing there should be a warm, bubbly, full of energy Autumn in its place.
Autumn was my everything, she did it all for us. I felt bad, often, because I was just the low life writer and she was the photographer, artist, counselor, part-time cell phone company worker, dancer, sewer, and a damn great girlfriend. I got a job then, after I quit college, to pay Autumn back for working so hard. I got the job to prove that I could be a hard worker too. I worked at the super store down the street. The stores name was K-Wal, Autumn would have been proud of me.
Everyday I would visit her grave, even in the cold, heat, snow, rain, or any other natural disaster the world could throw at me. I would bring fresh flowers and lay them next to her tombstone, and when I got my paycheck I would take at least half of it and put it in a little wooden box next to her grave. I would unlock the box, stick the money in it, and whisper "You deserve it" before locking the box and setting it down again. She would tell me to keep it, if she could, but since she can't it's hers now.
I never thought she wold be away from me, no, not at all. Me without Autumn was like a bird without a song, a sandwich with no bread, a reporter without a story, just plainly incomplete.
"Oh Aumutmn," I sighed as I placed a red tulip gently on her grave. It was April 12, 2010, Autumn's been dead one whole year," Happy Anniversary, sweetheart." It was also our 8 year anniversary, I was now twenty-four, we got together when we were both 15. On the day of the car wreck, the day Autumn died, we were going home from a anniversary party our friends threw for us.
"I'll be the driver," I had said," have fun!"
"But Slay," she argued with her little fist on her hips," I don't think I should."
" Go on, it's okay. Drink, have fun!" She kissed me on the cheek and skipped to the table of wine. It was my job to stay sober and I failed. I was irresponsible and I killed Autumn. I killed the love of my life.
I dropped down on my knees and hugged Autumn's tombstone, It was grey and had the words 'Here lies Autumn, a friend, daughter, and a wonderful girlfriend. May your soul rest in peace. 1984-2009.' I can still remember how she died.
By the time I realized we were in the wrong lane it was to late. The truck hit us hard, I could hear the front of our Chevy screaming and cracking under the blow. Our airbags went off and I could smell the smoke from outside streaming into the car. I was sitting straight up so my air bag didn't suffocate me, like Autumn's did. She was slumped down, riding low in her seat because she was drunk and tired. From the corner of my eye I could see her thrashing around, clutching at the air bag. Why don't they deflate, I asked myself,What's wrong with these things? I could hear muffled, panicked screams. I wanted to reach out and help her, but I couldn't move, no matter how hard I tried. Her thrashes grew weaker and slower, my vision started to fade. With her last ounce of strength, power, will, and life she screamed my name and, afterwards, I blacked out.
