DRAGON

A tribute 2 Crysi...

Leathery wings,
Take me high.
Desperately,
I hold on tight.

Smoke he snorts,
In a puff of cloud.
Fire he breathes,
Surrounds as a shroud.

The people, they run,
Fleeing the beast.
For to avoid,
Becoming a feast.

But onwards I ride,
Further into the night.
Onwards still,
‘Til out of sight.

i think sum of this needs improvin...
any help?...

sounds good to me! i bet crysi will have many things to say about it

hehe hopefully gud things...

I liked it...good rhythm and all. It's just a bit awkward in parts, especially the first stanza. Just tweak it around a bit. I understand that it's meant to rhyme, but if that detracts from the clarity of the poem then maybe you need to do a bit more fiddling with the style. Good idea though, I thought it was really interesting.

Very nice poem, I really liked it!
But for some critiqe:

"Leathery wings,
Take me high.
Desperately,
I hold on tight. "

That stanza sort of started the poem off badly because it didn't ryhme and everything else did.
I think the punctuation you put in sort of made the poem choppy.
But still the poem was very intresting and well written.

It's okay. Nothing particular jumped out at me. However, "For to avoid" That makes so sense if you read it with the next line.

The first stanza was pretty weak, but it told the reader what was happening, so it was good in one way.

The description was great and the rhyming was okay. It told a really short story, which is what I liked. Nice job, very well done.

Nice job! The last stanza I thought was the strongest. A combination of nice ryhming, and rythm. However, as previously mentioned, the first stanza was not the best one to start out with. Hey, this critique is only two years late. WOOHOO!!!

Nice theme, and you told the story with images. That part's good. What I didn't like was that the rhythm was a bit chunky, the rhymes sometimes forced, and the words lacked novelty and creativity. I thought the best line was the first one, about the leathery wings. That told us a lot, since of course what a dragon is like is entirely up to the writer. The line 'Surrounds as a shroud.' was not so good - it broke the rhythm, it has been used before, and that's not everyday language, so it has to really be incorporated into the rest of the poem if it wants to pass off as natural-sounding. Keep working on this. You've got something good underneath, but I felt like I as a reader wasn't getting much of it. I wanted to know more, have more description. I couldn't quite picture the dragon; I didn't know how high up the narrator was. Make sure you have a complete picture in your mind, and then let the reader know everything about it that you want them to know in just a few words. That is the difficult task of the poet. You're getting there. Keep working on it.

I have to agree with Rei.

The flow is fine; for the most part it's understandable. But there just isn't anything spectacular here that makes me want to read it again.

Kay, you are a born poet. That was wonderful. There was an obvious rhyme scheme and I liked the beat that you followed. Some of the lines seemed too short to fit the beat, but depending on the way you read it, changes the beat and makes it fit, so good job. I will be reading more of your poetry.

-Pros

It's funny. I don't even remember writing some of those lines. T'is so old.

Thanks for the critiques anyway. I might try writing some more, see if I can do any better two years on.

Wonderful!!!!! It was so good!

Prehaps you should say more about describing the dragon, such as... what color dragon is it?

Holy crap, this is old.

Write a revision of this poem again. I wanna see the difference.