Chapter one- I'm there for you

I'm sorry it took me so long to get this up here, but I've been a little busy:P. Anyways, enjoy the first chapter!


Thud. Thud. Thud. Sniff. Thud. Thud. Thud. Every small step rang in her ears, matching the short, slow beats of her broken heart. Her red eyes and runny nose only added to her disheveled look. She could feel the stares and hear the whispers, but she didn't have the courage to confront them.

Cricket had seen his new girlfriend. The one with the spray tan and fishnet stockings, who always muttered, "Bitch," under her breath when she walked by. Her friend Trish had heard it once and immediately started chewing out the girl, but Cricket just dragged her away. She didn't have the heart for drama. Not now.

For a week, Cricket had remained strong. Not crying in front of anybody since the break-up, not mentioning how much she missed him (terribly), trying to smile at her friends jokes about how stupid he was. But now, as she headed to the cafeteria, she couldn't control the crying anymore. The hallway quickly became deserted, as Cricket stopped trudging and just leaned against the wall, letting the tears flow. It felt good, but at the same time it felt awful to be reduced to tears over someone as rude and jerky as her ex.

She closed her eyes and let herself doze a bit. Suddenly, she felt someone gently shaking her shoulder. Her eyes fluttered open.

"Umm, are you okay?" a boy asked her. He had short blond hair and watery green eyes behind wire-framed glasses. He looked thin and lanky, and several pimples dotted his chin and forehead. He wore a Michigan State sweatshirt that looked too wide and cords.

"Hmmm? Oh, yeah. I'll be okay," Cricket lied, struggling to her feet. The boy looked unsure about her answer but stood up himself.

"You're sure? Because I noticed that you've been quiet lately, and I was wondering if everything was alright," he shrugged.

Cricket eyed him suspiciously. "How did you notice I was quiet lately?"

"Oh, we're in Physics together," he said, grinning like it was obvious. Cricket gave him a puzzled look. "You know. Mr. M's 5th hour class. I sit right behind you!"

"Oh, yeah. I'm sorry but I don't remember your name," Cricket replied.

"Austin Goode," he grinned.

She just nodded. "Well, I'm Cricket Webbers," she said after a while. "And er, thanks for waking me up I guess, but I have to hurry and get to lunch now."

"No problem," he said flashing his grin. It was too big and wide, and it showed off his retainer.

Cricket nodded briskly and began heading back towards the cafeteria, but soon heard his heavy footsteps behind her.

"So where do you normally sit?" he asked, stopping in front of her.

Cricket resisted the urge to plow right through him and answered, "In the right corner, by the doors."

"Cool. Mind if I sit with you?"

"Well, there really is no more room at the table-" Cricket lied.

"Oh, well there's only ten minutes left so I guess I'll go anyways," Austin frowned.

"Okay well, bye-" Cricket's reply was muffled as she was pulled into a hug. Ugh, his sweatshirt smelled nasty, like a mixture of Irish Spring soap and kitty ass.

"Bye," Austin said, flashing the weird grin before heading the opposite way. Cricket shuddered as she began trudging to the cafeteria.

When she got to the cafeteria, it was almost empty, but she saw that her friends were still sitting at their table.

"Where were you?" her friend Rachel asked, taking a sip of milk.

"The bathroom," Cricket lied automatically.

"For twenty minutes?" her best friend Meghan asked skeptically.

"Oh, well I ran into someone from my Physics class too," Cricket said casually, flipping her long blonde hair over one shoulder.

"So who is he?" They all leaned in close, eager for her answer.

"Austin Goode."

"Is he cute?" Meghan asked, waggling her eyebrows.

Cricket made a face. "He's really not that cute. And I think he's a junior."

"Well, an older man isn't bad," she shrugged.

"He's not a bad guy, it'd just be embarassing to date a junior that's in Physics," Cricket sniffed.

"You're just mad at the people that don't have a 4.0 GPA and aren't in Honors classes," she rolled her eyes. "Not everybody is a genius like you Cricket," she joked.

Cricket shoved her playfully as they headed out the door. "He is nice though. A little weird maybe, but nice." Meghan just shrugged. "I'm not even ready for a boyfriend yet anyways."

As they left, they didn't notice the kid standing behind the door. He was tall and lanky, and he wore glasses and an Michigan State sweatshirt. The group of girls also didn't notice the hopeful look he gave Cricket, nor the hateful glare he gave her friends as he vowed to get revenge and prove them wrong. Cricket would love him someday, he was sure that she would...

Good story but really I think you should describe Cricket a little more like telling a brief summary of what happen to her, or how does she look more profundly but in general is okay

I have to say I'm really not a big fan of breakup angst, but this was handled well. Cricket has a strong character voice and her reaction to Austin was very clear in my mind. I really don't think a description of her is necessary yet; you can always get to that later.

Um, the only thing is that the end to this chapter felt a little strange - abrupt or something, I can't quite say, I don't know how well it would work to extend it.

I liked the dialogue and I like Cricket so far, so just keep working. I'm interested in seeing the rest. :D

Hey, glad you posted the first chapter.

but she didn't confront the people, the way she would've if she had been herself.

The last part of this is awkwardly worded. I had to read it a couple of times to get it.

Suddenly, she felt someone gently shaking her shoulder. Her eyes fluttered open as she realized that she had fallen asleep.

How does she fall asleep leaning against the lockers? Wouldn't she fall over?

"Bye," Austin said, flashing the grin she hated before heading the opposite way.

I think the whole hating his grin thing is a bit rushed. I mean, she barely just realized that this guy existed, and already she's hating his smile. Slow down the pace a bit.

Now she wasn't just depressed, but a little weirded out. And as she walked back to the cafeteria, all she could see was Austin's face, his watery green eyes watching her and his mouth stretching into the gigantic grin that made her cringe...

I agree with eddykins and that you ended this a bit abruptly.

You have developed a very strong main character, but I would like to see more of your other characters. Also, expand on the setting a bit more.

I hope I helped and please PM me when you post the next chapter.

Sasha.

Good so far. You have some bumpy spots but that's okay.

Keep up the good work. Once you get more of your story posted PM me. I'd love to read more

Okay, I just wanted to explain that I created a prologue in case there's any confusion, but it's on a different page so that would be why you didn't see it. The link to it is in my signature, so if you want go ahead and check it out.

I would also just like to thank you all for helping me edit this, and I'm glad that you liked it for the most part!

0(o.o)0

Okay,this is surely a very cool story. You started off well, the content was excellent, but the ending was a little too quick. One moment Goode is smiling and the other he pledges to take revenge.
Another question which came to my mind while reading the story was that how did Cricket fall asleep while leaning on the wall? I think you should describe it better.
I feel that Cricket deserved the break-up, no matter how strong she was. How can she be so rude to poor Goode? And to make fun of him on the basis of his appearance is something Cricket and her friends should really pay for in the future.
I am excited to know what will happen next. Please PM me if you right more!