Here is my story everybody, I'm new here and am looking for some constructive criticism on my work.
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The Shadow King
By: Blake Mecklenburg
Malaki looked lovingly into his wife’s eyes as he said his final goodbye. “I’m sorry, Maria, but I have to do this.”
“But why?” she pleaded him. “Why do you have to go? Why can’t you stay here with the other survivors? Why can’t you stay here with me?”
“This is my kingdom, Maria. This is our kingdom and it needs my help. I am the only one who can stop him. If I don’t do this, his shadows will still find you and the other survivors. We cannot hide forever. This is the last chance we have to stop him.”
“I appreciate your boldness and the bravery you show as the king of Kaardia, but do you really believe you have any hope of defeating him?” she kept pleading.
“I do,” Malaki answered. “I can do it with this.” He held up a small sapphire jewel.
“Alright,” she replied with tears welling up in her eyes. “I respect your decision, and I wish you luck, despite the fact that I’ll never see you again.”
“Oh, Maria,” Malaki responded taking his wife in his arms, “I know you never really warmed up to the royal lifestyle, however, I am so glad that you’ve stuck by my side as my queen all of these years. I love you so much, and I hope that you will help these people start over once this crisis is over.”
She stared into his eyes for a moment and then answered, “I promise you, with every fiber of my being, that once light reigns once again, I will do everything I can to bring prosperity back to our Kaardia.”
Malaki embraced her closely hoping that he would be able to make up for all the years throughout which he would never get to hold her in his arms again. “I will miss you,” he said pulling her back and looking into her cool blue eyes. He stroked her long flowing brunette locks and gave her an affectionate kiss, before walking away toward the large wooden door that served as the entrance to the underground tunnels in which the survivors were taking shelter. He turned back to his queen, gave a slight wave, and then turned back to the door. He took a deep breath, then opened the door and stepped out into the darkness.
The sky was blotted out by the darkest of clouds imaginable, not a glimmer of sunlight able to penetrate them and reach the bare earth below. The darkness itself gave off an eerie light, if it could be called that, which permeated itself, preventing the world from being shrouded in intense pitch black. This light enabled Malaki to barely navigate his way through the rubble of the his castle which fell in the battle. Malaki saw many dead soldiers around him amongst the stones and broken boards which had previously made up the grand hall. None of the soldiers bore wounds.
Visions of the battle were still vividly replaying themselves in Malaki’s mind. The enemy troops were not human. In fact, to call them living creatures would be an insult to life itself. No, these things weren’t alive, but merely shadows twisted to the will of their evil leader, the Shadow King. They had no shape and held no form, morphing and shifting like dark fog hovering over the hard ground. Visions of each shadow engulfing his soldiers one by one, mangling them inside and out, in mind and body, until even each mans soul couldn’t fight back any longer, giving in to the corruption and becoming a part of the darkness themselves, their faces frozen in ghastly looks of horror and pain.
Malaki shuddered, considering how none of those men would receive the retribution they deserved up in the heavens, but would rather be doomed to roam the dead landscape as mindless shadows for all eternity. He hoped that he would be able to change all that.
He continued through the dark hallways until he finally reached the gate to the castle courtyard. The once beautiful, looming fountain that acted as the centerpiece, no longer flowed with running water. Instead, it emitted a black fog, as the water itself had even been corrupted by the darkness. The flowers and blossoms that once littered the courtyard had now been replaced by sharp and twisting thorny tendrils. He continued on through the courtyard and to the broken open drawbridge whose chains had been shattered during the battle.
Malaki looked out upon the landscape. His once beautiful kingdom twisted and deformed by the powers of shadow. All of the towering trees with their green leaves had become mere shadows of their former selves, their twisting branches reaching for the heavens like dark figures scolding the gods for their fate. Off in the distance, he could see the hulking form of the Shadow King’s fortress cascading off the side of a towering mountain into the dark sky. Quick fingers of lightning struck toward the mountainside as though the gods were trying desperately to penetrate the darkness and grasp at the tower.
That was his goal. Once he reached the tower he would scale it and face the Shadow King for control of Kaardia. Malaki moved to a nearby fallen soldier and took up the war-torn sword and shield that lay at the body’s side. “My dear followers and fellow soldiers,” Malaki started speaking to his fallen army, “I promise you all that you have not died in vain. I promise that I will release your spirits from the shadows and you will roam the heavens in peace for all eternity! I WILL DEFEAT THE SHADOW KING!” Malaki listened as his words echoed across the barren plain, then when his message became silent, he began his daring trek to the lair of the Shadow King.
* * *
Many hours passed, and the longer he walked the more he began to doubt his abilities. He thought hard about whether or not he stood a chance against a foe in whose presence shadow itself takes a life of its own and calls him master. As he moved steadily closer to the fortress, a sinister haze fell over his surroundings, striking him blind in its pitch blackness. He was only able to narrowly follow his original route by waiting for the haphazard lightning strikes to fill the sky with temporary illumination.
Finally, Malaki reached the main gate of the tower. The haze that had once blinded him, had faded. Instead his environs was lit by several torches, adorning the large stone door that served as the entrance, which were emanating a black flame, each of which expelled an unnaturally pale glow, that allowed him to view his surroundings clearly.
Around the fortress, a twenty foot stone wall ensured that no intruders would gain unaccepted entrance to the Shadow King’s stronghold. Atop this wall, several more black-flamed torches were stretched along the length in ten foot intervals. Malaki observed many of the same shadowy forms, that took the lives of his soldiers, hovering systematically along the wall, keeping watch for any sign of incoming presence. Soon, one of the dark figures finally noticed him standing there. It gazed at him with cold red eyes, which appeared to float within its murky cloudlike body. The figure then emitted a high pitched, blood curdling scream which signaled the opening of the stone gate.
Malaki readied his sword in preparation for what might come rushing at him from the door, however, there was not a shadow in sight, and after a few moments of hesitation, Malaki decided to move forward. He moved through the courtyard and ascended the stone steps to the fortress’s great hall.
The interior was impeccably bare. There were no sprawling carpets lining the floors, no pictures on the walls, no chandeliers; there was nothing to indicate that a single human, or living creature for that matter, was thriving in this shell of a castle. However, Malaki couldn’t help but marvel at the amazing similarities this bastion held to his own. There was one core difference, though, between the two. Malaki had never had a central tower built for his castle. He wanted his followers to feel as though they were equals with him rather than inferiors. He had felt that a tower would express too much superiority over his subjects, so he declined the construction of a tower. It was quite obvious, however, that the Shadow King wanted all life to feel lesser than him, and while he didn’t show this by decorating his fortress with lavish and expensive furnishings, he did so by constructing this looming tower, allowing him to look down on his “subjects”.
At the end of the hall, Malaki found the doorway leading to the tower flights. As he ascended the stairways, he passed several pairs of shadowy figures, one on each side of him. They watch him with their fiery eyes as he walked by, but not a single one made an effort to stop or fight him. Why aren’t they attacking me? Is it possible that the Shadow King has been waiting for me?
After what seemed like hours, he finally reached the top of the tower. He stepped through the door and onto a short outdoor flight of steps that led to what appeared to be an arena set atop the tower. Unlike many of the towers Malaki had seen on the castles of neighboring kingdoms, where the top of the tower curled in a stone cone, this tower was cropped flat on top. The dark clouds above him seemed to achieve a vivid blackness at the top of this tower. It almost seemed as though this may have been the source for the unholy darkness that blanketed Kaardia.
Malaki stepped toward the center of the flat tower top and waited for his opponent’s arrival. After waiting several minutes, he grew impatient. “Show yourself!” he exclaimed toward the heavens.
Suddenly, a deep booming voice thundered around him. It seemed to be nowhere but everywhere around at once. “I am ever present,” it thundered so ferociously that the tower beneath him trembled under its might. “I have been before your very eyes since you set forth toward my humble abode!”
“I said to show yourself,” Malaki shouted back, “not your shadows!”
A monstrous bolt of red lightning pierced the sky and in the flash a large pair of deep solidly red eyes appeared in the dark mass above him. “I AM SHADOW!” the voice roared. “If you’ve failed to notice my presence throughout all of your years, perhaps you’ve been blinded by the radiance you hold within you.” The voice then echoed in sinister laughter. “If that’s the case, perhaps its time for that radiance to be extinguished.”
“If anything is to be extinguished this day,” Malaki bellowed, “it will be you and your shadows.”
The voice cackled once more, “You are on a fool’s errand, good king. You cannot defeat darkness itself, for it is the only constant in this world.” Another red flash of lightning struck the stone in the center of the tower top, and in the flash a dark figure appeared. “But, Malaki, if you feel so confident in your abilities,” as the figure hovered closer to Malaki, its foggy exterior began to take a humanoid form, “I invite you to try.”
Malaki and the Shadow King stared each other down for several minutes, Malaki eagerly trying to steady his composure. He studied is foe, taking note of the figure’s hulking muscular sculpt. Even though the Shadow King had concentrated himself into a physical form, Malaki could still see wisps of shadow ebbing off of the pitch black, looming frame of a body. While observing his enemy, Malaki patted the pouch at his side to ensure that he still had the sapphire stone.
“I’m ready whenever you are,” the ominous booming voice no longer seemed as powerful, as it was now coming directly from the Shadow King himself, however his spoken word did not lose any of its seriousness. “I’ll let you make the first move.”
Malaki readied his sword and shield and stretched his arms in preparation for the upcoming battle. A few more moments of mental preparation, he rushed his rival. He swiped at his enemy with the sword, which passed harmlessly through the Shadow King’s body. Malaki’s eyes went wide in surprise.
“I told you,” the Shadow King’s eyes gazed deeply into Malaki’s, “I am shadow. I cannot be harmed.”
Malaki took a few more swipes at his opponent, each one doing him no harm. The Shadow King then whipped his arm into a dark tendril and lurched it in Malaki’s direction. Malaki blocked the blow with his shield and then swiped at the tendril which shattered into a flurry of dark fog on impact. It took the Shadow King just a split second to reform his arm, but that was plenty of time for Malaki to charge the dark figure and smash his shield into the side of the Shadow King’s head. The shock of the blow caused the Shadow King’s body to completely lose form and become momentarily incapacitated. Malaki used these few seconds to his advantage, removing the sapphire from his pouch. He then held it up to his mouth, whispering, “Omahli ti mohn Khalem,” and placed the stone against the hilt of his sword. The stone magically joined into metals of the weapon, which then began to glow with a light that penetrated the darkness around him. Mere moments later, the Shadow King had reformed.
Enraged, the Shadow King whipped another tendril toward Malaki, who parried the attack and spun with his sword extended slicing a second tendril flogged in his direction. The glowing energy of the sword burned through the darkness of the king’s shadowy flesh. The Shadow King let out a roar of pain and clutched his wounded limb. “I see you’ve managed to somehow manipulate the element of light,” the king then used his dark powers to heal his arm and let out a booming laugh, “however, I’m afraid it isn’t going to help you.” He stretched out his arm and out of nowhere a black sword materialized in his palm. “I suppose I’ll just have to deal with you the hard way.”
They rushed each other once more. Malaki lunged forward, a blow the Shadow King effortlessly knocked aside. Malaki sidestepped, blocking a strike from the shadow. He then leapt in the air, unleashing a spinning kick to the Shadow King’s face, who reeled from the blow and quickly recovered. The Shadow King then spun, grasping Malaki’s leg with a tendril, yanking him off his feet and slamming onto the stone floor. The dark figure then stood with one foot on Malaki’s chest, holding him to the ground, and then extended his sword to the face of his opponent.
“Even with the power of light,” the Shadow King proclaimed, “you still have no chance of defeating me. Do you know why?”
Malaki did not speak.
“It’s because you are inferior to me,” the king continued his speech. “You are scum beneath my feet. All of humankind is far too emotional. That’s your weakness. When my soldiers over took the souls of your own, I could see and hear their final thoughts. It’s pitiful really. It’s pitiful that fools would sacrifice themselves for such pathetic, and albeit fake, means like freedom, which makes them fools even more.”
Malaki grew increasingly angry as he thought about the fallen soldiers, whose deaths he’d witnessed.
“I can feel the anger you’ve pent up inside. Let it out. Lash at me with every fiber of your being. It won’t matter, because no matter how hard you try there is no way in which you can destroy something that is all around you, for in even the brightest of places shadow endures. But unlike darkness, light can be extinguished. It can be smothered in shadow, as I will do to you now.”
The figure raised his sword above his head, preparing for a final swipe at Malaki, who, still gripping his glowing blade, swiped sideways at the black weapon, which struck the stone beside him and stuck fast in the solid floor. Malaki quickly got up and regained his bearing. “Light has more power than you know,” the good king retorted, “and before this day is done, you shall know that power.”
“Still so bold?” the dark king laughed staring into Malaki’s gaze for several moments. “Well then, shall we continue? May the best king triumph.”
“I plan to!” Malaki replied. He rushed at his assailant ducking under a horizontal swipe of the dark kings sword and rolled into a stab at the figure’s torso. The Shadow King evaded the attack and followed up with a stabbing parry of his own, a move which Malaki blocked with his shield. For many minutes they continued like this. Each one matching the other’s attack; light and shadow caught in what seemed like a never ending struggle for dominance. Every slash the dark king made was quickly parried or deflected by the good king and every attempt to use dark energy thwarted by the penetrating glow of Malaki’s sword.
After what felt like an eternity, Malaki found himself slowly pushing the Shadow King closer and closer to the edge of the tower. It seems his new control over light was giving him an advantage. Seeing this as one of very few tactical opportunities, he swung his blade and unleashed a wave of energy, emitted from his extension, at the dark king, knocking the dark figure backwards and cascading over the side of the tower and down to the dark ground below. Malaki peered over the edge and watched as the shadowy figure disappeared into the dank fog. Could it really have been that easy? Could I have really just beaten a being that claimed immortality?
Malaki had just finished that thought when suddenly a black tentacle shot toward him from the darkness below, wrapped around his ankle, and whipped him over the edge, tumbling down into the endless abyss.
He endured what seemed like several life times before finally slamming into the hard ground below, his sword and shield landing beside him. He let out a loud groan of pain. He felt as though every bone in his body were broken. As he painfully tried to get up and hold his balance, he realized that he was surrounded in a dense black fog. “Where are you?” he called into the nothingness and waited for a response.
The dark king laughed, his voice echoing all around Malaki, just as it had atop the tower, “You didn’t actually believe you had beaten me, did you?”
“I had my doubts,” Malaki retorted, “but we both know that as long as I have the Stone of Omahli in my possession, I will also have the advantage.”
“So that’s the secret to your newfound control of light,” the voice answered and then laughed again. “We will soon see who has the advantage.”
The Shadow King had all but finished speaking when another wisp of darkness came lurching toward Malaki from out of the chasm of gloom. He quickly dodged it, still feeling the pain of his fall, as another lunged for him. Malaki dodged, blocked, and sliced at the tendrils coming at him from every direction, until finally a brief opening presented itself. He held his sword to the sky and spoke, “Omahli Mohne Khalem.” The Stone of Omahli’s power flushed throughout the weapon and blasted toward the heavens, penetrating the blanket of darkness and blushing the surrounding area in artificial daylight. The black fog around him faded, and the Shadow King’s personage revealed itself once more.
The king was reeling as a result the of sudden change in lighting, crying out in a shrill scream the nearly made Malaki’s blood curdle and his body ache as he tried to block his ears. The sound dulled as the dark king adjusted to his new bright surroundings. He angrily marched toward Malaki, who had just recovered from the penetrating scream.
“All of my hard work,” the king said. “All of it is gone. As the light of Omahli spreads, my darkness will fade. I’ll kill you for what you’ve done!” He stretched his arm out and once again a black blade extended from his palm and with his other arm thrashed another tendril toward Malaki, who successfully blocked the strike with his shield. However, the dark king’s assault was fraught with such enormous strength that the shield ruptured under the force. Malaki staggered from the battering as shards of metal flew about him, several which also careened into his face, dampening his façade with blood. He quickly recovered, grasped his sword with both hands, and parried an oncoming strike from the dark king’s blade.
As they continued to fight, Malaki noticed that the Shadow King’s power had substantially diminished as a result of the Light of Omahli bearing down on him. He was once again gaining the upper hand, but how long could his aching body keep it up? He was backing the dark figure against the rocky mountain side. He lunged forward at the king, who swiftly shirked the attack, and Malaki’s sword stuck fast in the rocky wall. The Shadow King then brought his own weapon down heavily on Malaki’s, severing it at the hilt. The impact created a shockwave which forced Malaki stumbling backward. The sword’s hilt crashed to the ground, shattered like glass and the sapphire stone reformed, lazily rolled across the stone ground and lulled to a stop.
“What do you hope to accomplish now?” the dark lord berated. “You are unarmed. And once I’ve destroyed you, I will once again blot out the light with shadow. It will take time, but once that stone is lost to your people, my time will be limitless.”
Malaki looked about him frantically for the location of the blue stone and spotted it several feet away. He quickly got to his feet fighting the pain in his broken body and dashed toward it. Knowing that the dark king would try to stop him, Malaki leapt for the stone once he was a mere few feet from it. Surely enough, a black wisp grasped his leg as he jumped and in a stroke of luck he was able to seize the sapphire just as he was lurched back toward the shadowy figure across the bare stone ground.
The Shadow King hurled Malaki into the air and snatched him by the neck as he came plummeting back to the earthen floor. Malaki gasped for air as the dark figure’s grasp constricted his throat. “I told you,” the King protested, “that you have no chance of killing me. As long as even a small amount of shadow exists, as do I.”
Malaki struggled for breath but he still managed to squeeze out a reply, “Who said anything about killing you?”
The figures red eyes looked back at him in confusion, “What?”
“Ohmali Mahn Kahlem. Emihno Alceht Kihm,” Malaki’s magic words echoed for what seemed an eternity, despite the trouble he had speaking, and the stone in his hand began to glow with brilliance from within his grasp. “I mean to capture you.”
He released the stone which then floated into the air above them, gleaming brighter as it rose. The Shadow King’s deep red eyes went wide with sudden horror. He released his vice-like grip on Malaki and turned to run, but the power of the stone stopped him in his tracks. Malaki stood weakly and watched the stone do its work. The dark wisps of shadow coming off of the king’s body were now being sucked into the bright light as if by a vacuum. His body was then lifted off the ground toward the light “black hole”. He clawed at the rocky ground, fighting against the powerful force of the Light of Omahli.
“If I’m going down, you’re going with me!” the Shadow King declared. Suddenly all of the darkness that remained in the surrounding land of Kaardia converged on the Shadow King himself, reverting the land back to its bright and living self. He became his own black hole slowly being drawn toward the light. Malaki understood that the king was bringing what remained of his power back to him. He knew what was going to happen, yet his shattered body could not do anything to prevent it.
The two opposing bodies congregated and after some time of conflict between them the light finally swallowed the darkness. Malaki heard a great bellow from inside the light and in a last ditch effort to take out his captor the Shadow King released the dark energy he had gathered. The energy was expelled with such force that the shockwave propelled Malaki’s limp body into the air like a rag doll and careening onto the blade of the broken sword still projecting out of the stone mountainside. Malaki felt the sudden jolt of pain as the blade pierced his body. He looked on with hazy, blood shot eyes as the light of the stone faded and the sapphire clattered to the ground below.
He knew he was going to die, but he didn’t care. He had done what he had set out to accomplish. It was all over. The kingdom of Kaardia would never be seized by the hand of darkness again. He had just one more darkness to tend with. A darkness he would not conquer. The darkness of endless sleep. He welcomed it. He was comforted by it. He glanced once more at the restored kingdom around him, the sun shining on his face, the new green vegetation restored by the magic of Omahli, and the sound of the wind as it flew gracefully by bringing birds and other animals with it. At last he closed his eyes and smiled. A smile just as strong, powerful, and emotional as the gaunt faces of the soldiers he’d lost in the days before. A smile of eternal happiness.
The End.
