Keeper: [3x2]

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Okay i am not so good at the grammer part so i will leave that to someone else. However I did notice the bit between Levi and Lia. It makes me wonder what will happen to the two in the future. I really enjoy learning about Lia and here struggles. I wonder what she will choose and how that will further her as a person! Can't wait to read more!

Alright, Pink. Here at last! I've been itchy to talk to you about this...but haven't found the time. Really, I am sorry for that. It won't happen again. But thanks for rereminding me though.

Within the last ten minutes

What tense are you trying to write in? Because this is present...but sometimes you use past.

Connell had gone through the basics.

Maybe, just for the sake of throwing in some time consuming information, you do a little of what I call wiki-writing. Where you basically spell out what a demon, keeper and spell caster are. Not in dialog, but like...in dictionary form. You know? That way, the reader understands, you have a solid base to work on, and its a win win in my eyes. Just a suggestion.

‘out of world’

Hmm, I like this. But I am not sure it would be in mini quotes like that.

Levi asked impatiently. They had been quiet for a while now.

Yeah. This is where you switch tenses on me. First you say asked. clearly past tense, then you say now, present. Hmm. Maybe if you are writing in present change asked to asks. or you know, just take out the now if you're writing in past.

Connell shook his head, “I’d like a moment alone with Laelia.”

There'd be a period instead of a comma.

Levi looked surprised. But he shrugged and left the room in his PJ’s along with Katherine and Alex.

I think this could be one sentence. I don't like sentences starting with But.

I hardly think.” He grinned.

He has an interesting sense of humor. Play on that later on?

She shook her head. She didn't feel like she belonged in her own Aunt's house.

Could you elaborate on this a bit more? Maybe have a paragraph or so just talking about her relationship with her aunt. it's vaguely touched upon and i think it deserves more than that.

“Thanks Alex.”

Comma after thanks.

Alex shrugged, “sorry, last

No no no. Period after shrugged. Capital S.

the development of your sight was late.”

Sounds like puberty.

Katherine smiled, “want me to come?”

Period after smiled. Captital W

"Don’t be afraid of the truth.”

I like this cliff hanger.


Okay. So I'm mad that she's liking Levi more than Alex at the moment. I was so sure she'd pick him as her interest. But, it's too soon to tell what will happen. I've said pretty much all I can say. Again, sorry this was so late.
-Jayleigh