Nostalgia...

Hey, guys! This is a poem I wrote for my 9th grade English class. Just wanted to see what people thought. Criticism is welcome!


Gentle snowflakes, flirting with the sky.
My feeble hands touch the window sill,
Anxious for him to arrive.

At the bottom of the wish list,
My signature is scrolled,
Hope of my wishes, amidst.

The warmth of serenity does not shed from the crackle of the fire,
But the peaceful hugs of family.
Love is acquired.

I snuggle in the fleece blankets atop my bed, twinkling tree lights aglow.
I silently ask, “Is that footsteps on the roof?”
On that Christmas Eve, less than ten years ago.

The presence of a Santa Claus has now crumbled, in my eye.
If only I could revive the pure innocence of my childhood.
I ponder this, as my inner child subtly dies.

This year, wrapping paper is clenched in my hand, a festive card in another.
The legacy of believing fails to distill.
A tear of grief presents my jealousy towards my younger brother

Who still believes.


Thanks so much for reading! - Casico

I love this. I can relate to it so much its umbelievable. I only have one suggestion, and that is you have small lines, then short lines, and its hard to read. It doesnt flow very nicely. I suggest you make the lines either long of short, not both.
Nice poem!
~Classy

It is a good poem in the sense that it reflects the feelings of a child who has been told that Father Christmas does not exist. But it doesn't flow all that well. The beginning seemed rather clipped, like you didn't know where to start, the second verse was good. After that... Well the ideas were good but, it didn't flow all that well. You can fix this with a bit of editing and then it will be great I'm sure.

Keep Writing

I liked this one right till the end.You could feel all the emotions of the speaker-Anger,helplessness,bitter nostalgia and her wish to regain her innocence.

The best part of all where the mention of the brother came into the picture.We could seriously understand what makes his age so envious during the season of Christmas.Jealousy of his little hopes, joy, and inspiration...all which now brought bitter memories to the speaker's mind.

Gentle snowflakes, flirting with the sky. I'm not so sure sky rhymes with sky, but it's not a big issue
My feeble hands touch the window sill,
Anxious for him to arrive.

At the bottom of the wish list,
My signature is scrolled, Scrolled is a little awkward...Maybe signed?
Hope of my wishes, amidst.

The warmth of serenity does not shed from the crackle of the fire,
But the peaceful hugs of family.
Love is acquired.

I snuggle in the fleece blankets atop my bed, twinkling tree lights aglow. <-- I know it would break your three line stanzas, but should this not be two separate lines?
I silently ask, “Is that footsteps on the roof?” "Are those footsteps on the roof?"
On that Christmas Eve, less than ten years ago.

The presence of a Santa Claus has now crumbled, in my eye.
If only I could revive the pure innocence of my childhood.
I ponder this, as my inner child subtly dies.

This year, wrapping paper is clenched in my hand, a festive card in another.
The legacy of believing fails to distill.
A tear of grief presents my jealousy towards my younger brother

Who still believes.

Aw... This is so nice. You don't often get poems that aren't written about unrequitted love or sunset on a beach. this is original, and very well written, if I do say so myself

Apart from the very petty nitpicks I gave, this is stunning. I look forward to reading your other work

~^~Chelsea~^~

i don't understand how the person that tried to correct you had any idea on what u were writing. Some corrections were fine but ryhming isn't importiant. U had a mystery in the begning. that caught the reader in. wondering what you were getting at i liked that. u described an emotion and had a physcial significance to it. i loved that with the tear. i could picture what u were doing at that time. i enjoyed it. thanks for bringing an idea to my mind that hasn't surfaced in a LONG time.

good subject. i think you might want to improve your line spacing, because that helps with the general rhythm of the poem. awesome other wise. portrays growing up really well, with the cool connection to believing in Santa Claus