We All Go Marching One by One

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Hmmm... Not sure if this is Dramatic Poetry, but I tried to make it kind of dramatic. I didn't mean for this to be insensitive, and I am extremely sorry if it seems like that.

We all go marching one by one

Squashed through train doors, it's nothing near fun

The smallest boy stops to catch his breath

The guard comes by and brings the boys death



We all go marching two by two

Cramped into the train, through and through

The seats are all taken- most of us stand

There's not enough space to move a hand



We all go marching three by three

The train chugs on, we start to freeze

But then it all stops and doors start to open

Those still alive fall outside chokin'



We all go marching four by four

We tumble out, back through the door

We taste fresh air with maximized fear

The guards all shout so we can hear



We all go marching five by five

We get slit up, now that we've arrived

Men to the left, girls to the right

Lots of families die in the fight



We half go marching six by six

We pass to the left of a load of bricks

Men working hard to build a wall

I start to worry it'll trap us all



The women go marching seven by seven

With fear in their hearts and thoughts of heaven

The ladies get joined by young boys too

Old gramp's are shown to the back of the queue



Our mix goes marching eight by eight

Soon there are whispers of what lies in wait

We see the smoke rising, smell something else too

Before we know it, a pit is in view



We all go marching nine by nine

We all know that we're losing time

The line runs into a fiery depth

Those at the front seem walking inept



We all go falling ten by ten

My last thought is: what happens to men?

Then fire takes over and envelopes my soul

I've payed with my life for the Jewish toll.



It was supposed to be about the holocaust, but because I'm new to poetry, I know it must be a bit diverged from my intentions.
Last edited by asxz on Fri Oct 23, 2009 8:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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I tried to put some line breaks into it, but I'm not sure if they are showing up...
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I think we all know what the theme is about.

About the poem now:

The women are marching seven by seven

Wondering if they're walking to heaven


This does not seem right because there is no rhythm.That is because the rhyme seems forced ."they're" does not sound like to syllables.Perhaps something like this might work:

The women are marching seven by seven

With fear in their hearts and thoughts of heaven


A small error:
We all go marching five by five

We get slit up, now that we've arrived


It should be "split" with reference to the other lines.Happens many times though.

Here are some well written lines:
But then it all stops and doors start to open

Those still alive fall outside chokin'


We all go falling ten by ten

My last thought is what happens to men?

Then fire takes over, envelopes my sole

I've payed with my life for the Jewish toll.


"Soul" sounds better than sole.

This was a really great effort on your behalf,but still,you have much more potential.

Good luck.
Too bad we don't live to experinece death




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Honestly, I didn't like it. Why? I HATE stuff about death. It made me feel sad.




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Sorry Cassie ): I didn't mean to make anyone feel depressed... It was just an idea running through my head for a while. Sorry!
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asxz wrote:Sorry Cassie ): I didn't mean to make anyone feel depressed... It was just an idea running through my head for a while. Sorry!


don't appaligize ! write what you want and never be sorry !
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Wow... that was quick!
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asxz wrote:Wow... that was quick!

we're just on at the same time and i will stop commenting here w/o a review.. i don't want to muck up your nice poem here...
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I love this, it is amazing, sure it could flow better but it is original and I love it.
My reality comes to a close as I once again realize that you don't love me, and even if I love you with my everything you will never care.





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I love this! I thought it was great, and I knew that is was about the Holocaust by the end. I can't say much more.

Keep up the great work!
~Poem
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I enjoyed the death tone and darkness of the poem immensely. Have you ever read the book Night? By Elie...drat, I forgot, anyways, he was a Jew during the Holocaust and he got right up to the edge of those fiery pits...but then he got called out for work.
Nice poem; I'm jealous cuz' I couldn't find a rhyme or a rhythm from a Dr. Suess book.
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i didn't like the repetition of we go marching and the use of a train... although i do see how it can be used to try and show how its all the same through some eyes...but your rhyme and meter was pretty good i found myself tapping to the beat as i read...ironicly enough haha...

it was a relitivly good read...
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Jenthura, it's Night, by Elie Weisel or something about that. Yes, I have read it. That was basically what I was basing my poem on, except I chose to be a woman because it would show the role of the fiery pits. Glad you like it!
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I like that poem it's cool because of what it is talking about. This was a great poem for me to read because in English we are talking about poems and in Area Studies we are learn about the middle-east and we were talking about the holocaust. I think this poem has a good flow to it. The poem gives a sad and depressing mood.



What holds you betwixt panic and serenity? That is, if it's not among the many querulous quagmires unfit for elaboration.
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