A mischievious man on the Moon has some fun!

The stars, they blink,
One by one, they wink,
At the man on the Moon,
Whose brain does think,
Of things to play,
Before the day
Sends him to sleep
Straight away.

He'll play with Jack Frost,
Running free in the grass,
Making each blade,
Look as shiny as glass.
But when Jack goes away,
It's the start of the day
Which makes our friend the Moon man,
Fall asleep
Straight away.

I really liked the poem is was really whimsical, and made me smile, which is always good. I especially enjoyed these lines because I could immediately picture it in my head.

Making each blade,
Look as shiny as glass.

There was one thing that confused me, which was the Jack Frost reference. Is it winter? Is it cold? I did not make the connection between the moon and Jack Frost. The other thing I might reconsider is the title, it seems rather wordy for the short lines of the poem, fabulous job, though!

Audrey

Woozey! Great job on making this a very playful poem and yeah, it does have the effect of bringing amusement. This puts me in a fix as to what I can tell you...

Well, first off, there's something you have to be pretty careful about. It's the rhyme. While it is an essential part of what made this poem nice, there's always the line like 'whose brain does think' that is structured as if Yoda was saying it and takes away from the flow. But make sure the poem doesn't lose the rhyme altogether. Try writing poems without rhyme and you'll realise how much more difficult and rewarding it is when the lines rhyme and are written just the way they would be said in normal speech.

Secondly, 'of things to play' gives the effect of something longer than what follows, and so the poem came to feel a little abrupt when it ended. And yet the shortness of the poem is perhaps its most essential trait. Which puts me in a dilemma as to what to tell you. All I can say is if you want to improve it, maybe all you have to do is flip around a few words, rethink what you want to tell the reader and voila!

Kudos on the perkiness and amusement factor and best of luck. Keep writing and thanks for the read.

The Plant.

THe playfulness of this is really want pulled me in.

I felt like I was being an entertaining story meant to hold my attention till the very end, which is usually what children's stories are meant for.

It all came together like an old folk tale but held the contemporary frankness of some of it's images.

the imagery within it all was delightful, defineatle something I'd reccomend for reading.

You should tweak a few things here and there, mostly phrasing, but other than that this was a very enjoyable piece.

Great poem woozey though i have 2 admit the other two i did enjoy better - probably because you had already told them to me! seein as you seem to have so many good ideas i thought that i should ask your advice because i am really stuck and my writers block is as annoying as a hole in the head... but snyway give me ideas please!!! oh and feel free to check my poems out to!! x