Hello it's IR. Here is chapter three of the Fire Burns Deep book. I hope you guys like it. It better be better than chapter 2. Please review.
The blue eyes snapped open. They were wide and alert. The boy lay drenched, in a shallow pool of his own sweat. His mouth formed a thin line as he struggled onto his feet. His robes were dark with blood and stained with soot. Long hair dangled over his eyes and as a slight breeze whistled past, he pulled a hood over his head, completely enveloping his face in shadow.
Slowly and carefully he took in his surroundings, trying his best to stay calm. Instantly he saw two things: one, he was no longer in the forest, and two, he was in a room like nothing none other he had ever seen.
The ground on which he stood was brown, and smooth, not like that of rock, but of sanded and smoothed wood. The room was not square, for the walls were not strait. They were curved and slanted, like the natural growth of a tree. It smelled like fresh pine needles, and as he looked up, he saw a dark sky, there was no roof; just a vast opening towards the above
Looking around, there were no furnishings, which made the boy furrow his brow. He traced his hand on the wooden wall and his fingers came away clean. There was only a doorway at the far end, the revealed more night.. Quickly, the boy’s hands darted into his. robes. His mouth dropped open, and he let out a low groan. A voice met his ears, a low gruff voice. His hands appeared back out his robes and they clenched into fists. A small man entered the room through the doorway, carrying two pales of water that sloshed out onto the floor. The little mans eyes widened in surprise when he saw the boy. The buckets dropped onto the floor, the water completely spilling out. The man stood there, still, and looked at the boy with fear.
“Where am I?” the boy said and his arms rose and motioned around to the room. The light in the room was a small, lit, torch that sent shadows dancing onto the walls.
“What do you mean?” the man asked quietly, his hand slowly stroking his brown mustache.
“What happened to me and where is it!” He said louder. The little man jumped inside. Both of them had fear in their eyes.
“You-were attacked. We saved you and brought you here.” He said,picking up one of the pales.
“Where is it?” He said. “You filthy swine, who took it?” The boy said and in two strides he was face to face with the man.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about-I swear!” he said and took a step back. “We found you, half-dead, in the middle of a forest fire, blood seeping from various wounds on your body. You would be dead if we hadn’t taken you here.”
“That’s just it! Where is here?” the boy said lowly, and pushed the man against the wall.
“Are you crazy! This is the home of the Haeli! How couldn’t you know?” The man said. He tried to struggle past the boy but failed. A slight glimmer of recognition crossed the boy’s face, and then it disappeared.
“Oh, I’ve heard of you, but where I come from, you’re just a legend!” the boy said and pinned the man’s shirt up against the wall with his hand. The man didn’t look normal. He was even smaller than the boy. He had a long mustache that drooped over his mouth, and he wore a type of fabric that felt silky. “Are you telling me, that I was teleported to the home of the Haeli?”
“Teleported? We assumed the Tzaargs just caught you by surprise.” The man stammered out. The boy turned around and paced towards the other wall.
“I need to get back.” He said to himself and his flexed his hands in anger.
“Go back where?” The man asked.
“But first I need it.” The boy murmured.
“The only way out of here is the river. Unless you wish the Tzaargs to finish you off.” The man said. The boy looked up, like he just remembered the man was here.
“You can get me out of here?” he asked.
“As far as the forest goes, than you’re on your own. My cousin can take you. But we’ll have to meet him. I don’t even know your name!” He said.
“We must leave tonight.” The boy said. “And as for you- I also have no name.” the boy said.
“My name is Dendin, and-and if you want to leave tonight, I will have to take you to him now. Will you at least give me a name to give him?” The man asked. The boy walked over to the doorway. Without looking back he answered.
“Call me Mastavon.”
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#FF0000 ">Part two.... New addition
The bar was a dimly lit room, that had old stained floors and low, wood rafters that were barely high enough for Mastavon to stand upright when he walked in, accompanied be Dendin. The room was large and smelled of sour beer. Hundreds of Haeli seemed to be packed into the room and the ruckus, roars of laughter could be heard far down the road. The room was lit by lanterns, which were strung up on the ceiling and dangled down like spiders.
Instantly as Mastavon entered, he scuffled to the shadows in the corner, and they enveloped him. Dendin strode proudly in, and was greeted by many cheers and slaps on the back. He slowly made his way through, weaving around the old, oak tables that speckled the room until he reached a particular one at the center.
A Haeli, even shorter than Dendin with broad, muscled shoulders, sat, leaning heavily on his mug of beer. He spoke in a whisper, and everybody at the table edged closer to hear. Dendin stood, his arms crossed, with a smile on his face behind the Haeli.
“And than-a fish-even bigger than the boat, swooshed out and swallowed him whole!” He exclaimed, with his eyes wide excitement.
“That’s the biggest load of tzung I’ve heard since-“Another Haeli roared with disappointment on his face.
“Yeah-I wouldn’t believe that after a million kegs!” Another chimed in. A dark look began to take form on the speakers face as people claimed that his story was false. Than he stood up, his fists flat on the wood of the table. His shoulders were broad, and his dark, black mustache swayed below his chin. A scar circled around his left eye, like somebody had tried to rip his eyeball out with a spoon. One of the more drunk Haeli didn’t notice the fierceness in his eyes.
“Yeah, that’s a load of-“he began- and a calloused fist cracked against his jaw. It became silent, as everybody registered what had just happened, than the whole table of Haeli collided, fists and bones meeting. Dendin took a stepped back and kept on smiling. After a boot smacked an innocent victim from another table, the whole room joined the fight. Haeli started jumping off tables and roars of anger shook the room.
Mastavon seemed to appear out of nowhere beside Dendin.
“That’s him isn’t it?” Mastavon inquired in a whisper.
“Who’s who?” Dendin asks back, still laughing inwardly. Mastavon’s pale finger rises, pointing to the man who had told the story and laid the first punch. Dendin nods his head and giggles. “Your cousin.”
“Yep, that’s me old cousin Bendis. Always was a rough one as a child; never liked when people didn’t believe him.” Dendin said over the din. “He isn’t a liar. He just stretches the truth, that’s all.”
“Most people would argue that that is lying.” Mastavon said, a slight grin forming on his face, as a certain rosy faced Haili was thrown off a table and landed, sprawling in front of them. The Haeli slow stood up, brushing the dust off his bedraggled clothes.
“Dendin, what are you doing here?” Bendis scoffed. “I never thought you’d be one to take part in bar brawl.” Bendis said and straitened out his mustache and ducked as a mug soared over his head, shattering on the wall. “And who’s this stranger?” Mastavon remained silent so Dendin answered the question.
“Well, I didn’t fight.” Dendin answered and motioned to his clothes. “And if you weren’t drunk, you would know that, because I am perfectly clean. And as to who this is-“ Dendin now motioned toward Mastavon. “He is a stranger, as you said. His name is Mastavon.” The boy’s darted over the gradually ending fight for eavesdroppers. “He needs a ride on your boat out of the forest.” Dendin whispered. Bendis took a step back, and his forehead wrinkled.
“Why would you want to leave? There’s nothing out there but wild land?” Bendis asked his fingers now stroking his mustache. Mastavon lowered his hood, and Bendis’s mouth twitched in surprise at how young he was.
“That’s what you think, coming from a society that has never left your walls. In the rest of the world, and yes, there is more than this, much-much more, your race is a legend. So in a way, we are both blind, but even so, I must leave. There is a city of men out there. It’s called Arkavon, and if I don’t reach there in four sunrises, than even this secluded world of yours will come to an end.” Mastavon said. Both Dendin, and Bendis looked at each other with wide eyes.
“You mean-there is more-out there?” Dendin asks, waving his hands in the air.
“If you only knew. Imagine-cities-that cover miles, and forests of crimson red. Huge birds that soar in the sky breathing fire. You couldn’t imagine a fraction of it.” Mastavon exclaimed.
“We must go!” Bendis said with vigor, pumping a fist. Mastavon let out a breath of relief, than his face became darker.
“The world is not as good as it used to me. Look at me, a mere boy, with a dominance of a man! For every good deed, there are a thousand evils. Do you wish to accompany me, for where I go, many others will follow, but it’s not guaranteed any will return.” Mastavon questioned. Dendin and Bendis replied in unison.
“We’ll leave at once.”
This was, indeed, much better than chapter 2. You're grasping the way your sentences sound and it's working wonders for the way your writing flows. Also, the character development in this piece was extremely well done. I got a very good feel for the boy and for the man. Your usage of body language was subtle but well-interspersed with the dialogue. Very nice. So, at this point, you've worked out a lot of sentence kinks and I think GSP and Hippie have addressed most of the sentence level issues. So I want to talk to you about your story thus far for a minute, okay? 
I'm just going to nitpick a few things: