Keeper: [3x1] *edited*

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Sorry I'am not here to nitpick. So I'm just going to point a few things out.

-I think you indicate "harry potter type things" to many times, its your story.

-Some areas lack description, I no your trying to make it a short chapter but the hole demon thing came by to fast and Lia took it on to quick.

-I know all these facts are negative but other than that this a great story and think it could go far

Hey! Ok, I still really like the name Levi, that's a total plus. I like the story so far, the whole Keepers, thing is very different, in a good way.
Ok, this might be a really stupid question but I can't quite see it, the way your describing it. The blades that slide out, are they like daggers, swords? What? Is is kinda sorta like what wolverine has? I know you said something along those lines, but I wasn't sure.
Uh...though you want to make the chapters short, don't neglect things, like description, not everything has to be about the dialog, trust me I'm learning that one myself.
Like I said before, I really enjoyed this, and can't wait for more!

I have to say this is one of the coolest things I have ever read. The story is interesting enough to make you want to keep reading. The details are fantastic and the plot is very well written. The character names are very interesting and I am very glad you didn't choose those every day common names that a lot of people seem to choose. I can't wait to read more!

Hello, thanks for the tips everyone.
I'm going to make my chapters shorter and add some more details.
It'll be easier for everyone to read. Plus it's harder to edit larger chapters so I suppose it's a win-win.
Addawen,
I didn't want to describe the 'blades' too much, just want the readers to have their own cool opinions on them. But they're like a long dagger that can slide out of the top and bottom of his wrists. Like how Wolverine's claws slide in and out. Hope that clears up the confusion. I'll try to do a better job describing it.
Thanks again for reading!

~Pink

Well, hello, Pink! I see that you do not have many nit picky reviews. I'm here to help with that.

Well that’s what she looked like anyway.

Comma after well.

She had this reflective golden hair

Refrain from describing using this. I don't know why, but it just doesn't sound right.

and then the realization hit her,

Period, not comma.

Lia pressed her hand to the back of her head,

Period, not comma.

Katherine sighed with relief,

Period, not comma.

Katherine shook her fist at him angrily.

I've never seen someone actually do this. I don't feel as if it is very realistic.

Angel, astonished.

angel.

“It wasn’t all me, Levi told me too,”

Period, not comma.

Alex looked at Levi, “Did the exorcism go alright?”

Period, not comma.

Levi walked over to Alex,

Period, not comma.

“So quick?” he gave a large and dorky grin.

He

Leather chair.

leather

notice they

the

He clasped his hands together.

clapped

“Hello Laelia Alwater,”

Comma after hello. Period after her last name.

“Now Laelia, are you familiar with Harry Potter?”

Yeah...no. I'd try to take this comparison out. One, it's a huge turn off. Two, it disses your imagination. Granted, yeah he is trying to dumb things down so whe would understand. But Harry Potter? Really?

“Yes Laelia,”

Period, not comma.

“Remember, we’re still connecting with Harry Potter,”

Period, not comma.

“Don’t worry, I won’t disappoint you.” She matched his tone.

I don't really believe she would say this.

Okay...so, this was interesting. Kind of info dumped, and related too much with HP. But, interesting though. I like Alex. I hope he shows up much...much more.
I don't have any further overall advice. Just keep writing.

-Jayleigh

Okay the detail is amazing and you made it very clear what was happening and what was going on in the story. I really enjoy reading about the characters and it has got me very curious about what is going to happen to them