So, I am proud to present, Missing Autumn. Enjoy! - - - - -
She died April 12, 2009. They told me this April 13 while I lay on the hospital bed, monitors beeping, my breathing even, but shallow. The dim light that crawled in through the window threw ghastly shadows across the floor. When they told me I ripped the IV out my arm and pounded on the wall screaming "No, why her? It should have been me! Why couldn't it have been me?"
I ran out the hospital before they could stop me. I remember racing down the pavement, still in my hospital gown, in the rain. Guys that I passed grabbed at me and called me names like 'Sexy' and 'Sweetie'. I made it home successfully and immediately ran to the bedroom. I had thrown myself on the bed, crying into the pillow that she loved so much. It was black with red trimming, she sewed our initials together in the middle of it. S.M, Slay Mansion, that was me, A.H, that was her. I pulled myself into fetal position, mumbling " Oh, God, why her? Take me. Take me instead! Why did you have to take her? Why?"
After many failed suicide attempts, and the regain of my sanity I went out, to the stores, and bought everything that reminded me of her. She loved barbie dolls. She found great joy in role playing with them. I bought her every barbie car, house, doll, all the clothes, and everything I could find for her. On the days she would hop out of bed, get down on her knees, and start playing, I would just watch her, grinning like I had just won the lottery.
I put all her clothes on our bed. Her band tees, her skinny jeans, shoes, costumes, jewelry, everything I could find. I laid them on the bed, neatly folded, and slept on the sofa. I cleaned our room for her too, because, before, she would always clean.
"Let me help" I would beg her, but she would never let me.
"Cleaning is my hobby, Slay." That's what she would always tell me before going back to what she was doing. She always hum when she cleaned, I would follow her around and listen.
She could sing as well. She sung me beautiful songs when I was feeling ill. When I went away, on a trip to New York, she sung me 'Hey There Delilah' over the phone, but replaced Delilah with Slayine, my full name. She would sing me love songs and lullabies every night. My favorite was 'If the moon fell down tonight' by some band. That song always made me smile.
She gave me the cutest teddy bear for my birthday. It was brown with big, black, shiny eyes. She made him many outfits, she loved to sew and create things. My favorite outfit for him was this little black and lime green graphic tee, black jeans with green stitching, and these tiny green and black converse. We named him Charles, she liked that name. I carried Charles everywhere with me, never let him out my sight.
We would sometime have these cute little tickle fights. She was super ticklish, I wasn't. I knew her tickle spot, her lower back. I always got her there, but I always let her win. When we would stop laughing she would ask me if I let her win. I would say no, but, in honesty, I always did. She would smile really big and bright then, as if she had actually won something. Seeing that made me smile too.
She was beautiful, also. With her light grey eyes, her spiky chestnut brown hair. She had nice cheekbones and a dancer's body. She was small, 5'4 and 110 pounds. She would flutter around the house like a little pixie. She would always tell me how pretty I was. When she caught me starring at her she would say "Slay, I wish I had your blue eyes, they sparkle so much. Oh, and your hair. I wish I had long blonde hair like you do. Ah, I wish I had full lips like you do." When she said that she would kiss me, lightly. I would scold her in my mind, her lips were so much better.
She was caring, loving, beautiful, talented, and all mine. She was Autumn Hartwell. Autumn Hartwell was dead.
----
Hope you liked! Please comment, more is coming up, maybe, tomorrow.
(Dance with me elephants! DANCE!)
