MPCPD, The Lab of Universes - 1

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Magic and Paranormal Crime and Punishment Division - The Lab of Universes

CONFIDENTIAL - UNAUTHORISED PERSONS CAUGHT IN POSSESSION OF THOUGHTS RELATED TO THE CONTENTS OF THIS DOCUMENT WILL BE PROSECUTED.

This document has been painstakingly constructed from testimonies of the individuals involved, in addition to post-op divination, and séances (communication with spirits in order to establish fact from fiction). Its accuracy and authenticity are unquestionable.

...

6 December 2192 Briefing, 8:00 AM

"Useless," grunted Lyra. "Useless, useless, useless!"

She threw the papers into the air and with a careless flap of her hand threw a roiling ball of hot, luminous air after them.

"Consistent failure to determine the nature of Vaudruil's research," she said, quoting from the text as it combusted midair.

"You're lucky that we were able to gather intelligence from a private military organisation," she continued, irritably, "an organisation that employs a diviner that is actually competent."

Her deep eyes burned through the blank white hood of her robes. They roamed the room searchingly.

"Mr Gale," she said finally, "your report was particularly useless."

Tomas Gale, who had been sleeping soundly (and drooling a little bit) on the long briefing table, gave a start.

"Oh, oh," he said, "thanks, can I have some more?"

All the figures stared at him.

"Er. S-Sorry."

Lyra sighed. "Mr Gale here presented me with a one page report with the word 'LIAB' on it. Before I continue, can you explain this whatsoever Mr Gale?"

The disapproving silence created a sort of aggressive relativity that slowed the progression of time. For Tomas seemed to sit uncomfortably in the briefing room for quite a long time before he spoke.

"It's just what I saw, ma-am."

"Useless," she said, for what seemed the trillionth time.

Then she continued, jumping immediately to a stoic briefing tone much like a newsreader's from the old days. "Our intelligence has led us to believe Vaudruil is developing a machine that could tear the fabric of space and time."

"More than that, dear Lyra," came a hollow whisper. "He hopes to take the fabric of space and time and rend it threadbare."

It was Olicerro. Tomas had a habit of looking at any person that was speaking, but with Olicerro he had tried very hard to curb the habit. Whenever he so much as glanced at the skeletal mage, his bones froze and his heart thundered with fright.

"Regardless," Lyra mumbled, obviously a little annoyed at being interrupted, "we don't particularly care to let him complete his little science project. We sort of like how space and time are going right now."

"Yeah," said Tomas in fierce agreement.

And when the rest of the table gave him another stare, and another disapproving silence, he decided to shut his mouth.

"Vaudruil has recently upped the security of his primary research and development facility. It appears his activities are escalating; this increases the need for us to act."

Lyra pressed a button under the briefing table and the crisp hologram of a skyscraper appeared. It was girdled by a large garden and stone wall.

"It is fenced, and has numerous security features; trispectrum cameras, motion detectors, security guards, and bots. Notice the garden space, a pure display of wealth in a dense city like this. The guess is that it's probably full of magic traps as much as it's full of the desire to look like a rich bastard. It wouldn't be there if it wasn't useful."

She pressed the button again, and the hologram zoomed in on the front garden.

"We've established the position of an underground power cable that feeds to the security systems out front. We've hired a geomage to give us an Earthquake at twenty three hundred hours, tonight, and from there we can have an invisible operative cut the power."

She pressed the button yet again, and the hologram made the faces of the building transparent.

"Once Tomas is inside-"

"What?" he yelled, breaking his silence and, almost, his chair as he jumped up with incredulity.

"Yes, Tomas, this will be your first operation. We don't have any other agents to spare, I'm afraid," Lyra said soothingly.

Tomas' life flashed before his eyes as he slumped back into his chair, his mouth agape. He realised, with horror, that he hadn't eaten enough cheesecake in his time; and it was too late to fix it before nightfall.

"Tomas, once you are inside you must find a way into the lower levels. Once you get down past the reactors, you'll be encroaching on the machine. I can't tell you anything more about the interior of the place than this hologram of the schematics does; but your powers should be able to help you."

Tomas nodded a few times. "Yeah, my powers."

Lyra cracked what looked like a knowing smile for an instant, before she went on.

"Enjoy your day, Tomas, be ready at twenty two hundred hours."

When Tomas and the rest of the officials were gone, Lyra and the Lich exchanged significant looks.

"The intelligence we have received seems deceptively useful, Lyra," hissed Olicerro.

Lyra gazed back with burning eyes. "It's all we've got. Besides, if Tomas is really as good as he claims, he'll see what's coming."




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Wow this was really interesting, not at all like I had expected from the start. So great job with that. I feel like your characters were well expressed in this short of a part/chapter/whatever. I was sufficiently drawn in to where I want to read more (and hopefully so will other readers and I'm not just weird :P ).

Just a few things...

They roamed the room searchingly.

Avoid the adjectives like the plague, especially in this instance. Saying "searchingly" makes the sentence awkward and weird. Something more like "They searched the room." would be a better alternative.

He realised, with horror, that he hadn't eaten enough cheesecake in his time; and it was too late to fix it before nightfall.

I laughed so hard at this part! I love cheesecake! Haha. :smt003


Again, good job. Can't wait to read more. :)

-Lauren
Got YWS?




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Well, I am just a newbie, but you know, I can help. I think, anyway. ;)


I have a couple of questions, but they might be answered in the next chapters, so forgive me if they sound stupid to you. I just want to know more, it was really good!

So, I want to know exactly who/what Vaudruil is. Obviously, it seems like he's the antagonist of the story (to state the obvious), while Lyra, Tomas, and Olicerro (among others) are the protagonists? I'm just checking to see if I'm getting this right, sometimes I don't.

Anyway, maybe it was only one question. That's the only one burning in my mind at the moment. If I think of more, I'll post again. But you've definitely caught my attention, and I want to read more too!

For grammatical issues, I didn't catch any. Lauren makes a great point about the "searchingly", but other than that, it was great! I want more. :)

Yet again, I'm the newbie. You can always disregard me if you so please.

~ Kylie
a one-lined soap opera, babelfished:
"it is excellent, accept banana!"




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Hello Katharsis,
Pink here.
Let me start by just saying how wonderful this piece is.
You had me laughing so many times. I enjoyed this tremendously.
I can't really nitpick that well so I'll just give you some of my thoughts.
I think you should describe the characters a little more, a brief description if possible.
There were many characters and I didn't exactly know who was who except for Gale.
Who is my favorite by the way.
You wrote this pretty well too. For some reason this looks it could be an Anime or something. It's funny and cool like that.
Well, I look forward to seeing more of your work.

~Pink.
There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
-W. Somerset Maugham



It's not nice to roast people when they're out of comebacks.
— Atticus