Hi Flower. This is quite short to be a poem. I am not sure it would count as a quote though. It also seems sort of heard that before, see it before, try to make it more original. Not feeding us the same thing over and over.
I suggest changing a few things though, to make it flow better:
I look to the future, I shy from the past. Why can't I live in the present As it never lasts.
Something along that line, it flows better and the lines link to one another easily. There is my two cents for you. Hope it's any help.
Kamas
"Nothing is permanent in this wicked world - not even our troubles." ~ Charles Chaplin
i liked this...i would love to see it in a story type of poem thing...all around the idea of wanting to be there...but almost watching yourself ?...this has so much that can be spun around it...could you send me the copy of a more written out one ? i'm sure it'd be great...
by the way this wasn't that bad...i liked it..don't doubt yourself...haha
[quote]If it's arguable, then it probably is." - Xeriana X
That is quite short, it does sound like something I have heard before. Try to throw something interesting in there and mix it up a little. Keep writing.
Hm. It's a little too short for me to make anything of it. It does feel like we've heard it before in some book or newspaper article that we've read. So, before I go on, write more! Flesh out the idea, string words together in an interesting line or couplet. The best way to do that is to just write down lines that pop into your mind.
As for your poem at it's current state, I'm just going to tweak some things to make it flow just a bit better.
I look to the future, I shy from the past. Why can't I just live in the present, For it never lasts.
It's basically the same as Kamas' version, but I happen to like the "for it", so I left that in.
Hope that helped!
~blu
Help! I can't remember if I'm the evil twin or the good one!
Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus. — Enid Bagnold
when I work on it I will send you a better copy.
