Everything

Every new beginning,
comes from some beginnings end.

Every time you kill me,
I am born again.

Every time you close that door,
Another door is opened.

And every time you say goodbye,
a different word is spoken.

Every time you look at me
my back is facing you,

And every time you ask to see me
I'll have something else to do.

Every time I join your game,
You're not playing fair,

And every time I really love you,
I pretend that I don't care.

I really, really liked this poem, when I was reading it I felt the emotions your where trying to portray. I really enjoyed it!
Keep up the good work!

Your poem is a work of art. It really portrays emotion, I love it. To me it is bittersweet chocolate, but the ending really sums it all up. I can't add much more to make this a valid reply, but there's nothing to add. Your poem is simple, but I find it perfect! I'm kind of in love with this... hehe

The subtle change occurs, the line 9/10. A heart hardening whisper, a determination to say goodbye - the past echoing of pain, ruling over the present teasing, tormenting hope.

~*~

And every time you see me
I'll have something else to do.

Might change this line, for sake of flow.

Keep writing.
-M

Hi there! First off, lovely poem. Really nice. I don't think your rhymes were too forced, your rhythm was mostly correct and it portrays your emotions well!

One thing, I see that you've decided to put this in lines of two, I think it might be better if the poem is structured in stanzas of four. As you have an ABCB rhyme scheme going on it would work better.

Every time you look at me
my back is facing you,

And every time you ask to see me
I'll have something else to do.

These lines bug me. First off, it doesn't flow as well as the rest of the poem does. Perhaps change the third line to "And every time you'll want me", sounds a little better. Secondly, the two "me"s. They annoy me. That isn't a big thing though so you don't have to do anything about it; it's just one of my things.

Other than this, I loved it! Well done and keep writing!

~Amy

Review:

I really liked this poem! I think that it's very expressive and it flows really well. It reflects a good poem and I enjoyed reading it. This poem would be a good beginning to a story, one that would be very successful. [:

-Janedoe-

A nice poem, a little confusing until then end, but that's always good when your writing from the heart because the hear is confusing, I like that there is no rhythm or meter it shows that you didn't want your thoughts controlled which is beautiful in my opinion. Wonderful! Can't wait for more!

Zaddie, the indomitable spirit in this poem is very endearing. If you could only preserve this without plunging headfirst into cliches, it would be great. The stubborn defiance of 'my back is faced to you' and 'something else to do' is also a little putting off. The end of the poem is definitely memorable. The length of each line (number of syllables)
should be maintained if you ever try to edit it and the rhyme works here. Thanks for the read and best of luck.

The Plant.

Oh My GOSH! I LOVED THAT SO MUCH! It was great! Really great! I give you props. It was really catchy and you rhymed it really well. Just perfect in my opinion. If you ever need a reiview let me know! I won't mind at all, so good luck and happy writing!

I think this would be better catagorise as lyrical poetry. But i am not saying i didnt like it i did. Ha ha at last one i like. I loved some of the ryhm scheme almost hypnotic (if words can be called hypnotic i dont see why not)
all in all well done i really enjoyed reading it and after all is that not what it is all about

So...I'm sitting here, right? And I'm wondering to myself why some people just get to be so talented. And I'm thinking, it's just not fair. There isn't some way you could lend me your brain for a day, is there?

Wow...That really was something. You have a gift

I agree with everyone else though about those four lines. They don't flow as much as the rest, or have as much of an emotional impact. I would take AquaMarine's advice on changing that one line, it does work better.

I don't think your syllable count is perfect, but there are no major breaks in the flow of the piece, so it's not a big deal.
I love how you start each stanza alternating between "Every..." and "And every...". It gives the effect you want.

Overall, I think this is a very well written and powerful piece. Well done!

Keep that pen moving

~^~Chelsea~^~

Lovely! It made sense; it had the same continuing rhythm. Great job!

I would put this poem down for a week or so. Then take it back up, reread it, and edit! At least it is a short poem and not a 100 page novel! Trust me, it will be the best ten minutes of your life. I'm kidding. Really.

Anyway, keep on writing! You'll get better. I have!

Hey Zaddie!

Awesome poem. Really lovely. The rhyme flowed well and didn't seem forced, and we as readers could see the emotions going through your head. Great job!

Every time you look at me
my back is facing you,

And every time you ask to see me
I'll have something else to do.

Like Amy, line three bugs me too. It doesn't really... fit in, and it breaks the poem. It has a couple of more syllables than the other lines, and I suppose that's what makes it stand out. Whatever the reason is, I would suggest tweaking it a little to fit in with the rest.

Other then that, your poem was amazing. Keep it up!

~blu

thankyou for everyone that posted there comments, they really helped.

I think I've gathered that I need to change the third, and to be honest reading it through I agree with all of you, it doesn't seem to flow as well.

To be honest when writing this I was just in a particular mood, and I think the idea of the poem was just to capture that feeling. Maybe that's why it's so simplistic, because I didn't really think about it.

Anyway, thanks again to everyone

I don't usually put edited versions of my work on here after, but maybe I will on this and you guys can tell me if you like the improvement :]

Izzy

I love this poem! It was all too realistic. ha ha
I have to say, though, that I do not like the title very well. I don't think it corresponds with the story inside the poem. Just a suggestion, but I think you should change it! Good job on this, I stink at poems, so I admire you for making something that makes sense!
~Classy