OK, so I've posted some of Glimmer before, and you guys left me good comments and critiques and I believe I've fixed them, and now here's the entire first and second chapters of Glimmer, please Enjoy! Sorry it's so long.
Chapter One:
New Beginnings.
I always knew I was different, just how different never hit me until now. But maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, I should start at the beginning since that's where all tales begin.
My name is Chessa Victoria Vaene, I hate my middle name, it makes me think of an old crotchety woman.
Like I said my name is Chessa, I'm seventeen years old, and invisible to the human, animal, amphibian, insect, and extra-terrestrial race.
My appearance towards people, is not only invisible, it's dull.
Like my hair, you would be nice and call it a light golden brown, and I would call it the color of an ugly tweed blazer. The style of it is, in style right now, couple inches below the shoulder, straight as a board, thick like my moms, and only shiny in the correct sunlight. A little mousy even, with a tiny stupid widow's peak, that doesn't know which way it wants to lay.
My eyes are the same color as my mom's, slate grey, only hers have more of a sparkle then mine do.
My nose is average, not a honker; nor a button.
My lips, I sigh at the thought of them. My lips would be something if I wanted to understand the meaning of lipstick or lip gloss, but I don't and so they remain pouty, full and color less.
I have a great body, but I hide behind old ratty jeans, and an endless supply of over-sized sweatshirts, preferably dark colors.
I'm pretty but guys for some reason don't see me.
You'll find out more about me, as the story goes on, but right now I have to start getting ready for another glorious day at Monarch Crest High School, in the cold and bitter town of Pointe Horizon, Maine.
Beep! Beep! Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!
“Get up lazy!” my annoying alarm clock cried, interrupting the sweet dream I was having. A dream consisting of, sleeping in and no school. Ah... what a life.
Sitting up, I groaned, rubbing the sleep from my grey eyes. The familiar smell of bacon wafted in my room, making my stomach growl. I turned over and slapped the digital clock that read 5:45 a.m... Letting out a audible whine, I threw my comforter over my head and tried to fall back to sleep.
It was way too early for school, I thought. Who made up those dumb rules anyway? Nobody has the brain power to work this early in the morning. I burrowed myself under the thick purple covers.
“Chessa!” my mom shouted. My mom was next, if the alarm didn't do it's job. “If you don't get up by the count of three, your going to regret it.” she sounded pissed as it was.
I made a face beneath the blanket, the way my mom did the counting threat, you'd think I was only five years old. She'd always say, how much easier life was when I was five.
“One!” she shouted, I could hear her rummaging through the drawers, her threat to scare me out of bed, it never worked. “Two!”
Leaving the fettle position I had contorted myself into, I swung my legs off the side of my queen size bed. “I'm up, I'm up!” I yelled, before she could get to three.
I heard her laugh, the rummaging stopped and all I could hear was the sizzle of the bacon.
Crazy woman, I thought going through my dresser drawers, finding a worn pair of blue jeans, a dark blue long-sleeved shirt, and classic black converse high-tops.
Completely dressed, I reluctantly walked out of my room and headed towards the kitchen. Sitting down at the kitchen table, I annoying started to drum my fingers on the hard wooden table top.
My mother, Nilmandra Vaene, set down a plate of bacon and scrambled eggs in front of me. I dove in with as much enthusiasm as a fat kid on his third piece of cake. Slowly chewing my mouth full, I watched my mom as she sat down across from me with her usual mug of scalding black coffee.
I scrutinized her while she drank the disgusting muck; most Americans thought an ideal beverage.
Her mahogany hair fell over her shoulders in sheen's of soft, wavy locks. Her eyes were like mine, but somehow they looked better on her face. Her nose was small straight, and she had a perfect pout-accented by a natural cupids bow. She was barely 5'5' and weighed as much as less then me, and her body held all the womanly shape I hadn't managed to pick up. My mother was a very alive and vivid person, much unlike her somber daughter.
“Chessa, quit dawdling, or your going to be late, again.” her soprano voice sang out.
I scowled at her, shoving my chair backwards as I headed for the sink.
“What does it matter?” I asked, wanting to toss the floral ceramic dishes into the sink, and instead rested them on the counter. “Spring break is only two days away, and then freedom.”
Nilmandra sat there finishing up her cup of coffee, her perfectly shaped eyebrows drawing together. I could tell she didn't want to listen to my bitching, so I walked over to the spotlessly clean, beige chair and picked up my messenger bag. I threw on an old, lackluster brown hoodie and stormed out of the house without another word, making sure to slam the door as hard as I could on my way out.
I tried dodging raindrops on the way to my car, taking the keys to the black Mazda RX 8 from my pocket. The familiar purr of the engine initiated when I turned the key. I backed out of the driveway, turning the stereo up loud enough to make my ears throb pleasantly before I hit the road that would take me to hell- er. . .excuse me high school.
Walking from Pre-calculus to World History, I stared down the long crowded hallway. The off-white walls and puke green lockers were an eye sore, I don't know who or what picked our school colors of gold and olive green. You would think that with a name like Monarch Crest, the school colors would be somewhere along the lines of the butterfly the school was so poorly named after. The Founding Fathers of our town must have been high, when they named the school and picked out the colors.
Occasionally I would pass people in the hall that I sort of knew, and they would stop and say “Hi,” to be polite. A few girls like Holly Gardener would stop and ask me how things were going, and I would answer a straight 'good' or 'bad'.
It didn't really bother me either way. I was like oatmeal; people would eat oatmeal if it had some apple cinnamon flavoring or brown sugar, but no one wants to eat plain oatmeal. I was to bland for people.
My personality didn't sparkle through, like a normal teenage girl. It only sparkled through when I was in my grease stained coveralls, under the hood of my pet project, that's when I was most happy, but not many people knew that I was a grease monkey.
By around this time I do have someone to walk me to my class rooms from day to day, and they should be arriving in 3...2...1!
“Chessa!” the deep voice belonged to my Native-American friend, Chekotay Gray, she's a Powhatan, and claims to be a direct descendant to Pocahontas. We called her Cherry for short.
“Hey, Cherry.” I greeted her with a hug, we go way back, diapers maybe.
Next to greet me was little Irina Kolesnikov, or Rini for short.
Both my friends were gorgeous, and I was pretty.
Rini was tiny petite, with spiral red curls, and light blue eyes, and a body similar to every known supermodel.
Cherry on the other hand, towered over the boys at school, her hair was long and dark, her almond shaped eyes, were a deep brown, Cherry's body was healthy-looking; lean and fit.
After our quick but warm greeting, we set off to our next class.
“So Chessa, what are you doing after school today?” Rini asked, doing her best to keep up with Cherry and I as we headed off to World History.
Cherry snorted, flipping her dark hair over her shoulder. “Rini, do you really have to ask?”
I smiled apprehensively with a shrug of my shoulders, so I was predictable what was wrong with that?
Rini let out a little moan, “Come on Chessa, you can't seriously stay home every night working on the piece of junk you call a car.”
“Hey,” I snapped, a little peeved. “No slandering my car.”
Rini stuck her tongue out, as we approached the class room. “We'll continue this, after class.” she promised, going in the room.
We took our seats in Mr. Alan's World History class, Mr Alan was a pretty ok teacher, he wasn't weird like the P.E. Teacher Mrs. Snark.
He had a hook nose kinda like a hawk, beady brown eyes, salt and pepper hair, and the oldest teacher in school. His lectures were ok, today's would be on the Roman Empire, one of my favorite times in history, so I would pay attention today.
As Mr. Alan began in his monotone voice, I felt a chill crawl down my spine. I perked up looking to see if the AC was on, it wasn't, the heater was on though, and I thought it strange that I should feel a cold chill.
Totally forgetting about the cold spell, I settled down in my chair as my teacher began to speak on Caesar, one of my favorite people in history.
“Ugh!” Cherry groaned, picking up a tray in the crowded cafeteria. “Did any of you fall asleep in Mr. A's class?”
Rini shot her a fervent glance, she didn't approve of Cherry's laziness in school. She should really get over it, because Cherry wouldn't change, she only wanted to finish high school and get out of this little poe-dunk town.
Cherry wanted to became a photographer, she wanted to travel. She worked at her parents bookstore, and every penny she saved went towards her “Free Bird” fund.
I didn't like to think to much about the future, it put me in a deeper funk then I normally am in. I guess you could say, that it scared me to think to far in the future, I mean people are saying that in 2012 the world is going to end, I'd like to beg to differ, but it bugged me. I didn't like to think about tomorrow or the next minute or the next second, I was a here in this moment type of girl, went where ever the wind takes me.
I guess I got so caught up in my thoughts, that I stopped in the middle of the lunch line. I felt someone prod my back, I snapped out of my doom and gloom thoughts, and put them away for another time.
I paid for my orange juice, and found my two best friends bickering over something at our table in the back of the cafeteria.
I smiled at them, they were two of the greatest people that I knew, they were probably arguing over Cherry's grades. Rini liked to get A's, she was an over achiever to the max. And she wanted everyone to do their hardest to be as great as she was in school.
I sat down across from them, at the little round table. Setting my brown paper sack on the table, I took out a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and bit into it hungrily. There was nothing I liked more then a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and muscle cars.
Oh! I forgot to explain earlier, about my “junk of a car” Rini was talking about. You see I have a little pet project, everyday after school, I go home get into my grease stained coveralls and head out to the shed in our back yard, well I guess it's not a shed more like a garage, since it holds a 1967 Camaro SS, my baby.
When I had turned fifteen, my mom took me to a junkyard and told me I could have any car I wanted. And you would think that at fifteen I would be more into boys then cars, but like I said I was weird. I lived for cars, knew every car they ever made. I could tell you what year the car was, what model, who made it, and how much horsepower it had.
So at the junkyard it took me hours to find the car I wanted, and it was about sunset when I found my 1967 Camaro SS, it was love at first sight.
The car was rusty and a little beat up, but I knew I could fix it up and make it purr.
So that's what I did everyday after school, it drove Rini crazy, she liked to go shopping. I didn't mind going shopping, if I had money to go shopping with. I got an allowance, of two-hundred dollars, every other week from my grandparents since I turned sixteen, most of it went to buying parts, not a lot was left over to go shopping with. They also gave my mom money too, it wasn't a charity thing, they were just English Billionaire's, and had money to throw around.
The lunch bell rang, and everyone in the cafeteria groaned it sounded like. Looks like everyone hated school but Rini.
Rini and Cherry picked up their trays of uneaten lunch food, smiling at each other. So, their feud had settled for now, but give it two hours and it should start up again.
Rini looked at me, as I crumbled up the brown sack. “You got your allowance today right?” she asked, following me to the trashcan. I nodded my head, seeing where this was going and that I had no way to get out of it. “Good, then we're going shopping.” she smiled she knew she had won.
“Sure.” I gave in.
“You guys will have to go without me, I've got to work.” Cherry said with mock sadness, she'd rather sit at the cash register at her parents book store and read traveling books then go shopping any day.
Walking out of the lunch room, we went our separate ways. Cherry and I went to P.E, and Rini set off for college level biology.
“I hate gym class,” I grumbled, pulling at my tiny gym shorts.
Cherry laughed her deep throaty laugh. “Perk up a little Chess, gym is fun!” she smiled, pulling her waist-length hair back in a pony.
I followed her out of the locker room, nervously tugging at my clothes. “Yea, it's fun for people who have hand eye coordination.” I snorted.
She shrugged her shoulders, giving up on me. “It's only dodge ball, we could be playing baseball out in the rain.” I heard a teasing tone in her voice.
Cherry, like everyone else in the school remembered my last attempt at baseball. It had just rained the day before and the ground was still soggy, but evil Mrs. Snark forced us to go outside and play ball.
I grumbled a little bit, because I just don't like sports, I liked motors, and pistons, and horsepower. I didn't understand the concept of running around in a circle, in baseball, or running back and forth kicking a ball, in soccer. And I sure as hell didn't understand the love of getting run over by a refrigerator, in football.
So getting back to gym that one day, I was first up to bat, the first pitch went by so fast I had asked the pitcher if she would throw it already, she snickered and told me she had thrown it already.
“Oh,” I said, taking my stance again, the ball came slower and I smacked it so hard that my hands vibrated from impact. I stood there watching it soar, thinking to myself that maybe I could learn to love baseball. Then I heard Mrs. Snark yelling at me to move my ass, so I took off running, right to third base and then second and then first, and finally home. I jumped on the base, feeling on top of the world, now people might think differently about me.
I looked to the girls in the out field and they were all laying on their backs in the wet grass, laughing, hysterically laughing at me. I couldn't handle the jeering they were giving me so I took off, and hid in the locker room showers, that was the first time since fifth grade that I cried in school. Hours later Cherry came and got me, she took me home and beat anyone up who made fun of me the rest of the day.
Coming back to the present, I pretended to ignore my friends comment. “Let's just get this over with.” I muttered, walking to the basketball court, where dodge ball would be played.
The sound of a shrill whistle made me jump, I turned around.
Mrs. Snark, the woman might as well be a man in woman's clothing, with curly short hair a bulky body and a scowl plastered on her face, she was the devil in human form.
“Line up!” she shouted, in her man voice blowing the whistle again.
The fifteen of us lined up, like we were in the army, guts held in, eyes forward, backs straight.
She looked us up and down, squinting her eyes, I heard one girl chuckle, she must have seen the uni-brow that crowned our impossible teacher. Finally she stopped in front of someone down the line, the damned whistle blew again. “Kennedy! Your up!” she shouted handing the ball to my arch enemy, Ashley Kennedy.
I groaned inwardly, I could just see the blue eyed barbie, smiling maliciously tapping her red fingernails on the orange ball. Planning on who she was aiming at first. Me.
I ran over to Mrs. Snark, hoping to get out of gym today. “Uh...excuse me...Mrs. Snark?” I began.
She stood head and shoulders over me, watching the basketball court. “No excuses today Vaene, now get your butt on the court.” she said, not even looking at me once.
I sighed, turning around I went and stood by Cherry.
“Forty-five more minutes, you can last that long.” Cherry said encouragingly, bending her knees, she got ready.
“If I live that long.” I said under my breath, feeling like a deer caught in the head lights.
Ashley Kennedy, was a barbie if there ever was one. We had been friends from the second grade up until fifth grade, that's when she decided that boys were better then playing make-believe, I was crushed, and she was evil.
She was popular, a cheerleader, and I was me.
Things between us only got worse as we grew up, case closed.
But now as I'm standing here, I wish things were different, because I really didn't want to get knocked in the face with a bouncy ball.
Ashley paced back and forth her blue eyes locked on her target, she threw the ball as hard as she could. I heard people's sneakers scrap against the gym floor, as they dodged the on coming ball. But not me, I stood there like I was in some frozen daze, I watched that dumb ball come.
I'm pretty sure I heard Cherry yelling at me to duck, but of course I didn't.
I closed my eyes as the big orange ball hit me square in the face, I gasped feeling myself tumbling backwards. I crashed and burned, my butt hit the floor so hard I swear I heard my tail bone crack, my head smacked aganst the floor and might have bounced, I heard people screaming and whistles blowing.
“Bitch.” I breathed vindictively, as I closed my eyes, lights out.
“I think she's coming around.” I heard someone whisper.
“Is she alright?” another one asked.
“She did hit her head pretty hard, I think the floor cracked.”
“She'll be fine, she's just being a baby.” that voice I knew, damn that Ashley.
“Vaene!” I knew that voice too, Mrs. Snark.
If I'm dead God, I prayed, please let me go to heaven, I don't think I could stand that woman down here, I might kill her.
Still keeping my eyes closed, I flexed every muscle from my toes to my ears, nothing was broken, that was a good sign.
My eyelashes fluttered, making everyone think I was coming around. I barely peaked through one eye, there was a blinding light. I groaned. “Oh God, I really am dead.” I heard my voice crack.
Someone laughed, probably Ashley.
“Alright Vaene, enoughs enough.” Mrs. Snark grumbled, shaking me.
My eyes shot open, I screamed. No longer was there a blinding light but Mrs. Snark's ugly face looking over me.
“She'll live.” her man voice, sounded even manlier from down here.
I'll live, I thought. Not for long, thinking of all the harrasment the kids will give me.
“Mom, I'm home!” I called shutting the front door, to our two-story house. Throwing my bag in the chair, I was still amazed that none of my muscles ached from the fall. I raised my arms above my head, nothing, not a twinge, a spasm, so strange.
After being so rudely woken up by my gym teacher, the school nurse asked me what hurt and I told her nothing. That surprised her, because from what everyone told her, I had hit my head pretty hard, there was a rumoring flying around already, that my hard head broke the floor, and that the principle was going to sue my mom.
Stupid kids, I thought shaking my head in disgust.
Not even my head hurt, nothing was spinning in circles, I didn't have a lump. I was as perplexed as the nurse was, she was actually worried that I might have a concussion so she sent me right home.
I shrugged my shoulders. I could have finished the day it didn't matter to me one way or another.
All this time I had traveled to and from the kitchen, my mother wasn't there, there were her herbs on the marble counter top, but that's where they are always at, because she's and herbalist, and better then most doctors in town.
“Mom?” I yelled, cupping my hand behind my ear I listened, nothing but the eerie silence.
“Maybe she left a note?” I said aloud, looking under the basil plant, where she always put notes. “No note.” I spoke slowly, testing the words on my tongue. This wasn't like my mom, she always left notes, what happened!
My head finally swirled, but it wasn't from my fall. I could see incidents from the past slowly start to come up from the mental box I had put them in, frantically I hacked away at the thoughts, the memories of being left, of being forgotten, I still never understood why.
Then a thought came to me, she can't have left me alone, she wouldn't, she promised! My thoughts screamed, knowing that I wouldn't be able to survive if she left me like he left me, I would have no one, and I need someone, I am too backwards to let anyone know, but I can't stand to be without people.
Oh God! Please don't let me be all alone.
I started to panic. I ran from room to room, screaming for her, there wasn't ever an answer. I ran upstairs to her room, to my room, no one. As a last resort I ran to the study, she never went in there, I only did when I needed someplace quiet.
Opening the door I about collapsed, there she stood by the lit fireplace, a piece of paper in her hand.
“Mamma!” I cried tears of joy, rushing to her side.
She jumped, and the paper flew from her hands into the fire, almost like she had done it intentionally. Before it was engulfed in the flames, I saw who had written it.
Sir Ronald Vaene.
My father.
The name caught me with a sucker punch, I heard myself hysterically crying now, from a mere glance at a name more then finding my mother.
Something finally registered and Nilmandra ran to my side, holding me close to her.
“What's wrong baby?” she cooed, stroking my head.
“I-I couldn't f-find you.” I sobbed, still seeing the name flash like a neon light in my mind.
“Oh Chessa, I'm sorry.” she said, placing a kiss on the top of my head. “I was looking for a book, and lost track of time.”
Lie.
I straightened, my ears perking up like a dogs. That was a lie, why would she lie?
“What did you do today, mom?” I asked, totally out of the blue. My fit under control, I watched her closely.
“Oh nothing really, just sat around, I guess.” she smiled sheepishly, it didn't reach her eyes.
Lie.
“What was in the letter, mom?”
“Junk mail.”
Lie.
Why was she lying to me, I wondered. What was in that letter that took the spark out of my mom?
She lead us both out of the study, I caught her glance back at the fire, and for once in my mother's life, she looked old.
Did I really see what I think I saw? Or could it have been only my imagination? I wondered at these passing thoughts.
I was a little on the crazy side when I found her, I couldn't have thought I saw that name, it might have said Ronald Regan, and my subconscious just picked that name, like picking numbers out of a hat, it was pure chance, right?
But seeing that name written on paper, brought back so many bad memories.
The reason this has never come up, wasn't because my f-father, I mentally choked on the word. It wasn't because he died, he just got up one morning and left.
Simple as that, but simplicity only went one way. Him leaving, almost killed my mother.
I don't remember it to well because I was only four, but from how the story goes.
My mother and fa- ugh. . .him, I couldn't get passed that word it hurt to much. Well they met somehow and it was romantic, it was love at first sight. They got married when Nilmandra was twenty, secretly though, because his father didn't like my mom, she didn't have the right breeding in her, or something stupid that only a bitter old man would say.
They went against the old goats wishes and got married, loved each other with so much fiery passion that it could not be quenched, happily ever after happened when I came along two years later.
So I guess his father found out what had been going on for the past six years of his son's life, and didn't like it because one morning his side of the bed was cold. There wasn't a note, a warning, nada.
It about killed my mom, having him leave without any warning. It got so bad that I had to go and live with my mom's parents for a couple months, because she could barely take care of herself let alone a four year old.
Time went by and things eventually got better, the pained had lessoned and she no longer cried in her sleep. But his name was never mentioned again, all pictures and love notes, anything and everything that had his name on it was burned. Just like that letter.
So seeing his name on that letter, because I was sure now that's what was written in fine calligraphy, made me wonder what was going to happen now.
Somehow from finding my mom to now, we had walked down to the kitchen and were now drinking coffee. I didn't remember walking down the steps, or even asking for a cup of coffee.
I hated coffee, why would I suddenly start drinking it? Something was wrong I could feel it.
Out of no where, there was a knock on the front door, immediately I remembered promising Rini I'd go to the mall with her.
“Shoot!” I muttered looking down at my clothes, she wouldn't be happy that I hadn't changed. “Mom, I forgot that I promised I'd go to the mall with Rini tonight, I won't be out long ok?” I said, running around the table I kissed her cheek.
“Oh, ok, sweety.” she droned, staring at her cup of coffee. Probably mulling over whatever was in that letter.
I sighed, I didn't want to leave her here, while she's like this. Maybe I could tell Rini we could go another night? I hoped, as I walked to the front door.
I opened the door and Rini pulled me outside. She looked scared, or nervous about something.
“Are you alright?” she asked, her red ringlets soggy from the weather. “I heard about the gym incident, I'm going to kill Ashley.” she went on, her little fists bunching together.
“Rini,” I said softly, standing on the porch. She heard the break in my voice, and was by my side in seconds.
“Chessa?” she asked.
I about broke down, a sobbing noise caught in my throat, her arms went around me. “What's wrong? Was it Ashley, did she say something?”
“No, it's my mom.” I looked behind me at the door, it was closed, but she had good ears.
Rini gasped, her arms tightened around me. “What's wrong with your mom?” she asked.
I told her everything that happened between leaving school and finding my mom with the letter from my father, to now. And she couldn't believe a word I was telling her, I could see it in her eyes, that she had so many questions.
“Are you sure, it was his name?” Rini asked, taking my hand she made me sit down on the porch swing.
I nodded. “Yea, I'm positive, it couldn't be any one else.”
Rini scratched her head, thinking. “We don't have to go to the mall.” she said, twisting a curl.
I laughed, I was on the verge of hysteria. “Rini, you are so good to me.” I wiped a tear away with the back of my hand. She smiled meekly at me, probably wondering when I was going to crack. “What should I do? Should I confront her?”
She twisted a thicker strand of hair, torn between what to say. “How long has it been, since he left.”
I leaned back on my hands, making myself think back to those years of despair. “Thirteen years.” I exhaled. “I was four, it was a Monday morning, he never left for work before kissing me goodbye. That morning he didn't come, I thought that maybe he was running late so he didn't get a chance to say goodbye, but then morning turned to afternoon, afternoon turned to evening, evening turned to midnight. He never came home, I remember asking Nilmandra where was my daddy,” my voice cracked at the name. Rini wrapped her arm around my shoulder and hugged me.
“No, let me finish.” I whispered, tears staining my cheeks. “Just like today, she was clutching a note, a letter in her hand, crying. I asked again where was my d-daddy, she wouldn't tell me. I began screaming I remember, I had always been a daddy's girl, she wouldn't tell me, so I began hitting her, banging my little fists on her legs, crying “Where's my daddy!” finally she couldn't take it anymore and she pushed me down, I fell backwards curling myself in a little ball sobbing, I guess I finally fell asleep.
The next thing I knew I was at my Grandparents house, and Grandma Rosie was holding me, they were whispering about my mommy and my daddy. I fell asleep, feeling numb, my daddy wasn't coming back, and I didn't understand.
As the years went on I fell into myself, I didn't want to talk to people, I didn't want to get to know people, because I was afraid they would leave me too.” I stopped, I didn't want to talk about something that happened in the past, I was more concerned about what was happening with my mom right now.
Rini was bitting her lip when I finished, she had something to say but she didn't want to tell me what it was. “What is it Rini, I know you well enough, that whenever you bite your lip, you don't want to tell me something, vitally important.”
“Alright, alright.” she held her hands up in the air, pleading guilty to my assumption . “So you blame your father's leaving on you being bad with people and relationships, right?”
I jerked away from her. “Your damn right I do, if he hadn't of left for some stupid reason, I wouldn't be this damn backwards.” I growled.
“Chessa, is that why you have low self esteem?” she asked out of no where.
I looked at her bewildered. “Why, do I have low self esteem?” I asked.
She sighed. “Because your dad left, is that why you don't think yourself beautiful, or inteligent, or worthy, is that why?”
My chin jutted out in anger, but my mouth didn't open, I didn't trust myself enough to answer, what was true.
Rini stood up, she pulled her jean jacket closer to her body. “Chessa, go talk to your mom, I think there's something more then your father leaving.” and with that she got in her car and left.
I was furious at her, but I was more furious because I didn't understand.
My lips quivered, and I felt another wave of tears brewing. “God dammit!” I swore standing up, I didn't like feeling this vulnerable to my feelings. They had been just fine yesterday, nice and tidy in their own little box, packed far away in the corners of my mind, but now they were open fresh for anyone to see.
I jumped up from the porch swing, ready to confront my mom and all this nonsense, but I guess I stood up to quickly because my head swirled again, and my stomach grew queasy. I reached for the doorknob, dizzy now, my face slammed into the door.
“Ow!” I yelped, rubbing my nose. I drew my hand back finding a fresh flow of blood. “Great,” I muttered tilting my head back, I opened the front door.
I took a few steps inside and immediately tripped over something, I went to look down and didn't see anything but a few drops of blood on the floor, that was surprisingly coming closer and closer. I let out a little cry, trying to take a couple steps, but I couldn't feel my feet, I could only feel a tingling sensation as if my feet had gone numb. Quickly I held out my hands to catch myself from further damaging my face.
I must have done a forward-roll, because I was on my back looking up at the textured ceiling in the foyer. I went to sit up, but nothing happened I continued to look at the ceiling, I noticed it needed a new paint job, but that wasn't my main concern at this moment. Because the numb tingling feeling you get when you hand or foot fell asleep, was crawling up my entire body, I opened my mouth to scream, I didn't hear a thing.
Was this a after affect of my fall? Did my brain come unattached and it has taken this long to happen, that I am suddenly immobile.
I began to panic, especially when my vision started to get blurry, I tried to scream over and over again, to get my mom's attention, but I don't even think my mouth was opening. I heard a sobbing noise, I knew it was me, but I didn't feel the tears pouring down my face.
I don't want to die! I mentally cried. My God, my God, please. I begged.
I heard footsteps coming, my heart lightened. “Chessa?” my mom sounded far away, but then again my hearing could be going and she could be sitting right next to me.
More footsteps, and then there was a gasp.
She found me!
I saw her out of the corner of my eye, she was kneeling down by me, holding me.
“Oh Jesus!” she prayed, her tears falling on my numb cheeks. “Jesus, please, help me get through this, please.”
My breath came quicker and quicker, my eyes were dimming, my light, my meaning, my mother was dimming from my sight.
I don't want to die, I don't want to die! Was all I could think, was all I wanted.
Finally, my eyes could not see, my ears could not hear, my body could not feel.
I prepared to take one breath here, and the next standing before Him.
My heart beat grew faint, my veins quieted their maddening pumping.
I had said what was needed to be said, I was ready.
And then. . .
Chapter Two:
Something Wicked this way comes.
I felt my body shiver, something thick and heavy weighted me down, I could feel every fiber of what lay on top of me, as it molded itself to every squirm and fidget that I made it felt like hay, like I was on a bed of hay. I wasn't in my bed, I was sure of that. Because my bed was so much softer then whatever was covering me, plus the noises I heard weren't masked, like they would be behind a closed door.
I opened one eye, and saw a blue haze, quickly I shut it. Thinking I had blue colored glasses on for some odd reason, my hand brushed across my smooth skin. Wow, that new moisturizer is really working, I thought. I opened up one eye again, the blue haze was still there, but faded when I opened both eyes.
So strange, I thought taking in my surroundings. I was on the couch in the living room, my old baby blanket wrapped around me, it was made from cotton and silk not hay, I must be losing it.
The living room was the same, but it was almost like everything was under a microscope, it was so clear. I could see the wood grain of the coffee table, the almost invisible streaks on the bay window, the thin layer of dust that lay on the furniture.
My mother was a clean freak, so I wondered if she was loosing it, if she couldn't see how dirty the living room was.
Pushing back my old baby quilt, I shivered again, the air conditioning must be on. I sat up, smacking my lips together, my mouth tasted like old bile, I wondered if I had gotten sick and slept on the couch for a few hours, missing school entirely.
A surge of joy washed over me, if I missed school then it's Spring Break! Hallelujah! I wanted to shout, I opened my mouth to do just that, but a frog croaked out instead. My hand flew to my throat, was that me? Was that frog, that toad, me? I opened my mouth again, and quickly shut it, that is me! I sound terrible!
I went to stand up thinking that a glass of water would cure that frog, but my legs buckled under me and I almost missed the couch.
“Whoa...” I gasped, wincing at the sound of my own voice. “Let's try this again.” I said, placing my hands on my knees and slowly standing up. It was a success, I was standing on my own two feet, though a swayed, I knew I wasn't going to fall over.
Ok, let's see. One foot, two foot...right foot, left foot. Ok so I remembered how to walk that's as good sign as any.
Walking in the direction of the kitchen, I passed a hallway mirror, the reflection caught my attention. I stopped, the person looking back shook me to the core. My breath caught and my hand flew to the mirror, making sure it was real.
The reflection, was me. It was me, but a different me. The “me” in the mirror had vibrant sapphire eyes, and shocking white hair, everything else was the same almost, the nose, the lips, were the old me but softer, if a nose could look soft.
My first thought was, “Oh my God! What happened to me!” my second thought was “Wow, I'm beautiful...”
I needed answers, and I knew just the woman to tell me those answers.
“Mom!” I croaked loudly, hobbling into the kitchen. “Mom, what's the matter with me?” I pitifully asked, tears springing to my changed eyes.
She was sitting at the table, her salty tears spilling into her coffee. She didn't look up at me, but I could understand. I didn't even want to look at the changed me, it was so different, how could she love me the same, when I wasn't plain me anymore.
I walked over and sat at her feet, my head on her lap. My hair, my ice white hair. I shuddered, seeing the new tresses spill over my eyes, I wanted my old hair back, the golden brown, I wished I had it back, for once.
“Darling,” she said softly, her hand cupping underneath my chin. She smiled as she looked in my blue eyes, I wanted to cry. It was the smile I loved, the smile that told me without words that she loved me. “There's something I need to tell you.”
Those seven words made the tears cascade down my cheeks, I wiped them away, they had a blue tint to them.
Well that explained why I could see blue, when I opened my eyes. I thought bitterly.
“Chessa, this is going to be hard, but you can get through this, alright?” her voice was still soft, afraid even.
I nodded my head, not knowing what else I could have done.
“When you got back from going out with Rini a couple nights ago, you got sick and fell unconscious and while you were sick, while you convulsed and screamed from the pain this new change brought upon you. Your hair turned a shocking white, your eyes turned a brilliant blue, and your skin is now over-sensitive and hard, it protected itself from your violent change. You look at me like I'm crazy, but can you feel me stroking your arm?” she asked.
I didn't have to look down at my arm to see if she was touching it, I could already feel her finger tips gliding across my skin like a rake, she was barely touching me but it was like she had drug her nails down my arm.
Goose bumps suddenly popped up on my arm, I felt a sharp cold breeze go through me, I looked up for the air conditioning duct, but my mom had only breathed through her nose.
A sob caught in my throat, “What's going on?” I tried asking her, but the words wouldn't form.
Suddenly a memory shot through my mind.
The pain, the hot, seering, current flew through my body knocking me flat on my back. I could see it, I could feel what had taken over me, that night after Rini left. I saw myself collapsing on the floor unable to move, and Nilmandra coming to my rescue, holding my limp head in her hands crying, no sobbing and screaming. The vision changed, and I remember seeing myself writhing in pain, tossing and turning on the couch, at one point I shot up unable to take the pain that almost claimed my life, I remember screaming, screaming bloody murder, no wonder my voice is so hoarse, my body threw itself forward my arms wrapped around my middle, one moment my hair was golden brown and then next moment, when I threw myself backwards unconscious from the pain, it was white.
My vision changed again, and I could see myself laying still on the couch, I looked like death warmed over, I was bone pale and glistening with sweat. My hair and limbs were askew, and only the hint of my chest rising indicated that I was alive.
But this memory went further then just watching my horrendous looking self, I could hear voices, angry voices. One was of my mother, she was angry, I haven't seen her this angry in years. A lioness in a corner defending her young.
The other voice was Cherry, and she sounded angry, but more hurt then anything. Apparently my mother, hadn't told anyone about what had happened to me over the week, and Cherry was checking up to see if I was still alive, it appeared that she had called before and Nilmandra had been nothing short of rude, and then she had tried coming over, but to no avail, my mother wouldn't let her or Rini see me.
Cherry was pissed, she was shouting and cursing at my mom, but my mom could hold her own and delivered far worse curses.
All the while my inoperable self, laid there seemingly without sight or hearing.
Comfortably numb.
I opened my crystal blue eyes, coming back from the horrid memories my mind had held onto, I was still on the kitchen floor, just like that night, with my mother looming over me, wondering if I would be alright.
I saw the look in her eyes, and it was then that I realized something important, something that should have scared me, but seeing what I just saw, I knew that nothing would ever scare me, again.
It was then that I was sure of four things, from the night Rini last saw me and had wanted to take me out on a shopping spree, to now.
One: I had lost my humanity, I no longer felt human, maybe it was because I was so numb, but humans could go numb too, but not this numb.
Two: I had lost my mortality, something every one wished they could lose, but to me it was just another sign.
Three: I had gained bitterness. I felt my heart turn from the mushy sappy red color the heart is, to black ice. I was angry, I was worse then seeing red, I was seeing black, emptiness that's what I saw. Everything that mattered to me in that stupid make-believe world I called reality was taken from me, snuffed out like a candle.
Four: I would stay angry.
I sat up quickly my hard fingers grasping her arms, her easily bruised arms. The look that had told me everything, changed quickly to shock.
“Tell me.” I growled, flexing my fingers.
A small gasp escaped her thin lips, somewhere deep inside, something that lurked in my bitterness was happy at the that small painful sound, I enjoyed it too.
I hated her, hated her because she could feel, and I could not, hated her because she was the same, and I was not, hated her because nothing could be done about it, nothing could be changed.
I saw her tiny hand come up and touch my cheek, I screamed, she scratched me! My own mother scratched me, I cupped the side of my face.
“Did you feel that?” she whispered.
“Yes!” I barked, still clearly in pain. I took my hand down to see how much damage had been done, my palm was clean, not even the slightest hint of blood. I rubbed my hand roughly againsnt my cheek, bringing it back it was dry, clean even. This time it was my turn for my eyes to widen in shock.
Her hand reached out to touch my arm, I swatted it away, feeling the heat that generated from her finger tips, burned my skin, beneath my thick sweater.
“Did you feel that?” her voice became more sure.
I left her go and looked myself over with both hands. My own hands felt cool to my skin like an aloe to a burn. “I could feel the heat from your fingers, it burned and you didn't even touch me.”
A small hint of a smile lighted her lips, “Can you feel this?” she asked standing up, she took a deep breath and blew down on me.
I shivered, wrapping my arms around me. “Cold.” my teeth chattered together.
“Ok, how about this.” she said, reaching her hand down slowly.
At first the hand reaching towards me only sent out lukewarm waves, but as it got closer the heat grew and grew until it was like I was sitting in an oven, I cringed she was only inches from my arm.
Seeing how much pain I was in, Nilmandra drew her hand back, the air changed as she drew her hand back, it was cold and I could breathe again.
“Sorry,” she apologized, her grey eyes with holding tears. I nodded stiffly still remembering the pain. “Let me try one more thing.” she walked over to the marble counter-top, and picked up a chef's knife, the harsh knife gleamed in the florescent light.
I stiffened, feeling as if the knife was a predator and any sudden movement would make it turn on me.
Nilmandra turned the blade over in her palm, the handle facing me. “Go ahead,” she insisted.
I reached out and took the knife from her, the plastic black handle felt gritty in my palm, like sand. I looked up at my mom, nervous and scared. “What?” I asked, my throat to tight to finish the sentence.
“Prick yourself.” she calmly said, sitting down next to me again.
I looked at her like she was crazy, why do I want to cut myself? What does that prove?
“Here, let me.” she reached over and touched the tip of her finger on the point of the knife, she bled instantly.
The blade was sharp, what a shocker, my mom kept everything up to date. No knife was ever dull, the faucet never leaked, the refrigerator never sounded like it was dying. She did it all, and without a man.
I weighed the knife in my hand, it was light for a big knife, but in a weird sense it weighed heavily in my hand, because it had drawn blood, blood from my mother's innocent finger.
The knife was cold as I ran it against my palm, I sat back and waited, and waited. Running the blade across my palm again, nothing, not a trickle or a stream of blood came from my hand. I pricked my finger next, bewildered that my finger didn't even concave from the pressure I was forcing down.
I looked up at Nilmandra, tears were falling down her rosy cheeks, I extended my arm out to comfort her, but the heat from her body was excruciatingly painful, I drew my arm back, waiting for her to say something.
Nilmandra sat there quietly crying, her shoulders shaking ever so slightly. After a few minutes she looked up wiping at her tears. “This stage won't last long.” her voice was shaky but strong. “A few weeks to a month, the overly sensitive stage I mean, your skin will go back to the way it was before.”
“Before? What was before and what is now?” I asked, my voice holding a little bit of venom.
She ignored my question. “Your skin will remain impenetrable less then a year, then it too will go back to what it was before.”
My anger grew. “What is it now?” I asked, through clenched teeth.
“Once the overly sensitive stage is over, your body will only be able to a take certain about of pain then it shuts off like any one else, and what I mean by “shuts off” I mean completely, you receive an overdose of pain and your out like a light until the pain has resided then will you came too.” her voice became monotone.
“Wait, how could I receive pain if I am impenetrable?” I asked suddenly curious.
“There is more then one type of pain, most pain is all mental. For example, earlier when I reached out to touch you, you couldn't stand to be within feet of my touch because your skin your body could feel the heat that's radiating off of my skin, and it grew painful. But see your wearing a wool sweater, which should be irritating your skin so badly, so painfully that it would feel as if someone took a potato peeler and was peeling your skin, but since your so in tune to what I am telling you that you don't feel the pain.” when she finished explaining, I could feel the irritation building the pain, I didn't even have to move to feel it rub my skin raw.
My wild fingers searched for the bottom of my sweater, the pain was building, I bit down trying not to scream to think that it was only mental. My hands found the bottom of the shirt and I ripped it off in one fluid movement. Standing up I flew to the sink, splashing cold water on my arms and chest. The irritation faded quickly, I looked down to see what damage the sweater had done, I shouldn't have been surprised but I was. The wool sweater hadn't left a mark, I went through all that pain and there weren't even red bumps to show for it.
I was standing in my bra and some shorts, I didn't remember putting shorts on to go talk to Rini but then I don't remember a whole lot from the last couple days, except the pain I went through to make me this freak.
“Tell me.” I said forcefully. She went to open her mouth, when a heavy knock sounded on the kitchen door.
“Come in!” she called.
I wanted to kill her, no one can see me like this, I reached out to clamp my hand over her mouth, I didn't care how much it hurt, no one could see me looking the way I looked.
When the door was kicked in and sunlight filled the entire dark room, tears sprang to my eyes, I hadn't see the sun in who knows how long, I waited to feel the warmth of it's rays touch my skin, the sunlight was hot but not as hot as my mothers touch, the blue tinted tears of mine, were cold as they fell down my cheeks.
I gritted my teeth, my fingers biting into my own skin. Standing I looked straight into the glaring sunlight, right at the shadowy unknown intruder. “How dare you come into our home, uninvited!” I screamed.
“But sweeting,” a deep voice rumbled. “I was invited.” the intruder stepped into my line of vision.
“You!” I cried out, looking into the face of my deserter.
