Red

This is one of my best poems. I hope you like it. I won a poetry competition in my school for it. P Lease comment. ( I actually like the color red)


Red

The color of
an enchanting rose
whose petals conceal razor sharp thorns
The color of
fire that seduces you with it's warmth
but only seeks to destroy
The color of
love that turns wise men foolish
and breaks the strongest man’s heart
The color of
the blood
that signals when a life is at an end
The color of
the sign
that you see just a second too late
The color of
the leaves
before they fall and become one with the earth
The color of
anger
that pulls the world apart
The color of
eyes
that have been weeping for hours over the dead
Now, give me one reason
why anybody should like the color red?

I found your poem really cooool!!!

there was a flaw i found in your poem...

The color of the sign that you see just a second to late

Shouldn't it be...

The color of the sign that you see just a second too late

I think you should expand your poem. Why not add a second paragraph through which you praise the color red and at its end you write "Now, give me one reason why anybody should dislike the color red" ?

But even if you don't add a second paragraph, i still liked your poem. you chose the words really well and the comparisons you made with the color red were superb!
even though your poem is short, but sweet.

And welcome to Young Writers Society! PM me if you write more poems or stories. I'll be the first one to read them!
You write well.
Have Fun!

Wow! A very interesting style, I can see how you won. It's very difficult to pick up on it, but my main comments would be: maybe split it up into shorter lines:

The color of an enchanting rose
whose petals conceal razor sharp thorns
The color of fire that seduces you
with its warmth but only seeks to destroy

or even

The color of
an enchanting rose
whose petals conceal
razor sharp thorns
The color of fire
that seduces you
with its warmth
but only seeks to destroy

That would help you with the next point which is to tighten up the rhythm a bit more. It's an interesting choice to have such long lines, but it makes the rhythm slightly difficult to feel which makes it less poetic. Other than that, nitpicks:

Red
The color of an enchanting rose whose petals conceal razor sharp thorns
The color of fire that seduces you with its warmth but only seeks to destroy
The color of love that turns wise men foolish and breaks the strongest man’s heart
The color of the blood that signals when a life is at (an) its? end this line seems too short, the rhythm doesn't work
The color of the sign that you see just a second too late
The color of the leaves before they fall and become one with the earth
The color of anger that pulls the world apart
The color of eyes that have been weeping for hours over the dead
Now, give me one reason why anybody should like the color red this rhyme is good, but unexpected after the non-rhyming beginning. Maybe that's on purpose and it's for effect, it's not necessarily a bad thing, just saying. However, again, with the line length it's difficult to find the rhyme - if it's intentional, I would make it more obvious. If it's by mistake, definitely take it out because it's confusing.

That's what I would do with the poem, but even without that, great poem, really thought-provoking.

Edit: You don't need an apostrophe in 'The color of fire that seduces you with its warmth,'. Trust me, the apostrophe demon.

This is a very good poem, but your punctuation isn't helping it out at all.

The color of an enchanting rose, whose petals conceal razor sharp thorns

The color of fire that seduces you with it's warmth, but only seeks to destroy

Now, give me one reason why anybody should like the color red

Technically this is a question, so there should be a question mark at the end.

I don't really mind about there not being periods, and I don't really mind there not being any punctuation at all, but professionally, it is wrong. Maybe you can even put some commas??

Now I'm all about the drama, making people cry in my works, so in this:

The color of eyes that have been weeping for hours over the dead

I would put a comma after "Hours", you know to make it more dramatic, but that's up to you!

Need anymore help, don't hesitate to PM me!

I think you should add to it, I find it just ended a bit abruptly. Maybe clean it up a bit, by adding more detail and paying close attention to spelling and punctuation. Other than that I thought it was a good start.

I also agree with the other reviewers about making the lines shorter, I felt like I was reading a run on sentence more than lines of a poem.

Good job though!

I honestly don't think you should have a comma between "Hours" and "Over the dead." It sounds like you don't know how to put comma's in. It definantly sounds better without the comma.
I really liked it, and do not think you should add to it. Everything you pictured as the color red makes sense, and if you add on to it I am afraid it would sound like your trying to make it longer with crappy meaningless lines. I think it is perfect as is (Except for the comma part).
I can see why you won a contest for it
~Skip

Ha! This is awesome, and so, so true! Although I personally like the color red because it symbolizes love and romance. Maybe you should add another paragraph talking about the good things that are relevant to the color red? Or maybe you just don't like the color. Ha ha...

Anyway, great poem, I think other people before me already pointed out the little grammar mistakes that I noticed, so I'll save you that much.

Oh and welcome to the Society!

This is an interesting poem. I think the fact that you didn't use a bunch of punctuation makes it a little bit more eye drawing and unique. I do think that you should have put in a question mark at the end, though. I happen to like red, but you probably have your reasons...
Anyway, great poem.

I thought that it was good but i think you could have made it simpler...shorter lines maybe?? sometimes beauty comes out of simplicity and it can make it more affective

Hey there! Here as requested.

Firstly, I see absolutely no puncuation in this piece! None at all. If this was read out loud then youd lose a lot of the meaning and effect because there would be no pauses, or even space to breathe!

For example:

"The color of
an enchanting rose,
whose petals conceal razor sharp thorns."

Simple, right? Now, just go over your piece and work out where the punctuation needs to be; it doesn't need to be complicated or anything!

that have been weeping for hours over the dead
Now, give me one reason
why anybody should like the color red?

Although I do love the idea of one rhyme at the end of your poem, the effect is lost here because of the length of your last line. Perhaps you could just say,
"Why anybody should like red?"

Other than that, it was a very beautiful poem! Well done!

Hope I helped slightly!

~Amy

I like it! I especially love the eyes red from crying image--really creative.

I agree with the above comments about punctuation. Absolutely necessary.

One thing I wasn't wild about was the ending. It seemed too simple, and too unimportant, for summing up the poem. There are powerful feelings here: anger, grief, passion, nostalgia; you do a great job of conveying them with a series of concise, well-placed images. They evoke emotion, but the overall poem doesn't. It doesn't leave the reader with any new major insight; it doesn't overwhelm them with feelings. I think that just by changing the last line you could give this poem a whole other, more complex meaning. Just something to think about.

Good job with this! Keep working on it!

-Sophie