White Minds (R)

topic19245.html

^^ Talking heads

And I'm not saying add just description, though that's a big part of it. Just write it like you plan to write the rest of the novel. Here's what I mean:

'I'm seeing things that aren't there,' I thought to myself, 'I'm having murderous feelings. I can't control my anger.' I'm going mad. I must be. A hammer bounded from one side of my skull to the next, trying to break free. Groaning, I clutched at my head, trying to make it stop, begging it to stop. Please, please, stop.

I killed him.

No, I didn't, I couldn't. Why would I do that? I didn't mean to-- I didn't know--

I killed him.

I fire lit through my head, making every thought thrum and spark. I began to rock on my heels, fingers digging into my scalp. The fire, always the fire...

I wasn't sure what you meant by the fire, if it was literal or figurative, decided to go with figurative in the end. Just my own interpretation, of course, what I imagined to be happening. In any case, if you write it like that, add something more than the dialogue/thoughts, then it'll be smoother, easier to read, and a much more effective hook. And, if I was totally off in my interpretation of it, well, if you write it like that, then you can show what's really going on and make sure the readers get it straight.

I hope the whole novel isn't like this. I know my review was the harshest thing I have ever written, but I was very appalled. Maybe I saw it wrong, but the whole story, in my mind, was about one person debating child molestation (maybe with a split personality disorder). I just don't think there was enough detail put in for anyone to really understand this.

Okay, im starting to understand that people are confused :]

I need to capture the essence of confusion, but not to stir people away because they don't understand it.
Hmm.

And the focus wasn't at all on just child molestation, if you get me?

I need to capture the essence of confusion, but not to stir people away because they don't understand it.

^^ Tricky balance, lol. But a very excellent hook if done well. "Hook" being the key word. Perhaps give them something sold, something they can imagine or relate to or understand, and then launch into the confusion. But make sure the reader has an idea, even a vague one, of what's going on throughout it. Give them something they can understand before confusing them, so that way they have something to build off of. Otherwise, they're not confused, they're trying to find out what's going on. If they don't know what's going on, or what's supposed to be going on, (basically, that this isn't normal) they have nothing to build off of to be confused about.

Does that make any sense?