Pills (tenative title)

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This is just something I've been working on for the past two days. First time in a while that I've been able to put together a new work of fiction. Hope you enjoy:


It was pills that eventually did her in.


We met in September, freshmen in college, and by May she was practically dead. I still remember the first time we met: I felt a magnetism to her, a compelling attraction. One thing I will always remember about her is her shyness, like that of the sun during a thunderstorm, never peeking out from behind dense clouds. The shyness was to such an extent that she rarely looked people in the eye; but when she did, you remembered it. She loved to dance: that was when her shyness dissolved and the sun came out. But as the year went on, she danced less and less.

It’s my theory that she began taking Vicodin because she saw it as a way for her to break out of her shell, to become a different person. She spoke often to me (for those few months we were together) about feeling alienated from the people we hung out with. So perhaps for her Vicodin was a way to forget her old shyness, and as an over-the-counter reinvention. Once, she told me the prescription pills made her feel like Marilyn Monroe. She meant it in a glamorous sense. I don’t think she understood the tragic irony in her own statement.

It’s hard for me to tell when she started taking the pills. We never directly spoke about it. I remember, early in our relationship, her talking about an injury she had in her senior year of high school. That was, she said, when she got her first taste of the medication. She also mentioned that her family would keep excess pills (unfinished prescriptions from other family members’ injuries) in the medicine cabinet. I imagine that sustained her until she moved to the big city for college, where a girl with money and motive can have anything she wants, Vicodin included.

She never took pills in front of me, but I knew when it happened. Aside from the prescription bottles in her room, there were the days when she would complain about stress, anxiety, and the like. That meant Vicodin would follow as soon as she found a moment alone. I sometimes imagine that scene: her in a darkened college dorm room, the roommates gone for a moment. She slips into the bathroom, quietly locking the door behind her, and looks at herself in the mirror stapled to the wall. She stares at her long red hair and thin lips. She looks herself in the eye for a minute--I don’t think she looked herself in the eye very much either--and those thin lips begin to quiver. She takes one, two, three Vicodin; however many it takes. And before her eyes, she sees Marilyn Monroe in the mirror.

Over the course of months, she took pills more and more as the dependency increased. They became a daily meal for her; and her old personality, the person I met in September, was left a crumpled heap on her bathroom floor. She began to change. Her voice became airy, and while she was thin to begin with, she became sickly skinny.

And we came to that night in January, when I decided it was over. We were at a bar when I told her. I didn’t want it to be like this, I said, but you’re not the same person I used to know. Admittedly, I was still holding out a vague hope that my words might cause some kind of sudden change in her, a last-second transformation. As if I had that power. But my words were like a whisper in a windstorm, they seemed to go unheard; or at least, they caused no reaction in her. Unchanged, she slipped off the barstool and walked past me, over to the bar’s dance floor. Pulling on my coat, I watched her dance for a moment before I left the bar for the cold streets. Her dancing was awkward, slow, and inhuman. But I’m sure that in her mind, she was Marilyn Monroe.

I still see her from time to time, in passing. We talk like mere acquaintances now, if we talk at all. But whenever I see her, her eyelids hang lower and lower on her eyes; soon, I fear, they will close for good on her final act.


It was pills that eventually did her in. And while she is still living, she is most certainly no longer alive.
Last edited by alecmoran on Wed Sep 23, 2009 5:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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Incredible story...strange really.
I have witnessed such a metamorphosis myself a few times, and it is a travesty when beautiful girls are ruined by hammering drugs.
But we must remember that it is not only drug's that prompt changes in our lives. Yes they certainly change us on a bio-chemical level, but the experiences had on them change peoples outlooks on life forever, sometimes for the better but mostly for the worst. That theme of loss of innocence, coupled with continual Marilyn references make this a touching and poignant read, for me anyway.

GOLD STAR I SAY SIR, GOLD STAR

But, my main question is, Why does the narrator give up on her so easily? I mean, maybe it would be a losing battle, but she clearly needed help right?
Watch out for the Shy Talks!




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First of all, good job! I hope I can help you out!

We met in September, freshmen in college, and by May she was practically dead.


For some reason, this sentance seems awkward. Perhaps, 'my freshman year in collage' would help drop the arguments.

One thing I will always remember about her is her shyness, like that of the sun during a thunderstorm, never peeking out from behind dense clouds. The shyness was to such an extent that she rarely looked people in the eye; but when she did, you remembered it. She loved to dance: that was when her shyness dissolved and the sun came out. But as the year went on, she danced less and less.


I love this here. It works very well. And the last sentance pulls the reader in because they want to know what happened.


I sometimes imagine that scene: her in a darkened college dorm room, the roommates for a moment.


The roomates what for a moment? This sentance is really confusing.

She takes one, two, three Vicodin; however many it takes. And before her eyes, she sees Marilyn Monroe in the mirror.


I really like these two sentances. It just fits.

and her old personality, the person I met in September,


This is kind of redundant. One or the other would definetly get the point across.

But my words were like a whisper in a windstorm, they seemed to go unheard; or at least, they caused no reaction in her.


Again, this is a bit redundant. 'They seemed to go unheard' is plenty to describe her reaction here.

Unchanged, she slipped off the barstool and walked past me,
over to the bar’s dance floor. Pulling on my coat, I watched her dance for a moment before I left the bar for the cold streets. Her dancing was awkward, slow, and inhuman. But I’m sure that in her mind, she was Marilyn Monroe.


I just really like this paragraph here. Good job

It was pills that eventually did her in. And while she is still living, she is most certainly no longer alive.


I love how this ends. That last sentance certainly describes her situation.

So, I really liked this story. It describes what this girl is going through and ups the awareness for drug usage like this.

Kudos and a gold star!

~
Risa
"What are you doing?"
"I've got paint and rollers...water sking"~The Philanthropist

Don't push the Red Button




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I enjoyed reading this dude.
I liked the references to her being a shy sun in a thunderstorm and the irony of her seeing marilyn monroe in her mirror.
I believe that the narrator was a lil weak in that he just sort of says "ah bugga it let her go down the bog." Could have had it so he keeps trying to help her but shes to shy to go to rehab and whatever and in the end he finally loses it and leaves.
Other than that. Really good.



Remember when dad's shoulders were the highest place on earth and your mom was your hero? Race issues were about who ran the fastest, war was only a car game. The most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees, and good byes only meant tomorrow? And we couldn't wait to grow up.
— Unknown