This is... THE PROLOGUE. I wanted to try a murder mystery. Those are always fun. So here is the prologue. Rip it to shreds. Please. I want to improve.
Also if you're ripping it to shreds, please do tell me one thing(if any) that you like.
Prologue:
"The murder was simple." His voice was shrill, like a rat. His hair was black, and thick with grease. His appearance matched all expectations of him. His clothes were hardly any better then rags. A torn black, long sleeved shirt. Some faded jeans, which were slightly baggy. Then of course gray sneakers which were falling apart. Who was he talking to? A figure shrouded in darkness. Only amber eyes pierced through the darkness, and burnt a hole into his soul.
"Oh do go on, you interest me." He narrowed his eye at the man in the shadows. "No 'ne messes with ol' Jhonny, the rat lord." There was an odd silence. It made everything uneasy, even to those who weren't listening. "Continue, Jhonny." Without another moment of hesitation the words burst out of his mouth. He was anxious to speak of his handy work.
"Well first I found my target. The first few days were simply stalking it. Watching, waiting for the best time to strike. Finding what was it's weak spots. I lured him into an alley." His tone grew more hushed. Despite his happiness to speak. " Two stabs in his left knee, which I learned was weak. Three through the gaps between the ribs, and into his lungs. Then I wrote a giant RL onto his chest."
He laughed. His laugh was much more shrill then his voice. "Then to finish him off I shit his throat, and gave him a stab in the temple." Jhonny stood up. He had been sitting on a box. He stepped towards the man in the darkness, still not leaving the cover of a dim street light. "There was something rather curious about this job though." He took one final step closer.
"At first I 'ondered why, 'ould someone hire ol' Jhonny to kill a normal man." A sinister smile appeared at the edge of his lips. "Then ol' Jhonny figured out why." He heard the man in the shadows step. Then a black leather glove pushed him. He stumbled backwards. He tried hard to regain his balance, but fell onto the box he had sat on.
He remained silent as the glove was once again in darkness. "S-So I aught to be keepin' to m'self. When can I be expecting pay?" He had a toothy grin on his face. The eyes narrowed, yet never stopped looking at him for a second. "I have one more job for you." The voice that spoke was deep, and held a darkness that sent a chill down his spine.
"Alright, I want pay for both. 'ough. I ain't doin' the second fer free you hear!" For the first time he had noticed the eyes blinked. "Do I look like a man who would disrespect a hard working man?" Jhonny grinned much larger. "So, who's the guy I'm knocking off next?"
