Different - chapter three

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Different
Chapter Three - First morning
"I want her out of here!" Leila's cheeks were flushed red with chagrin, though the redness in Zi's cheeks was much more visible over his olive skin.
Eli blinked a few times before she could think coherently again. "What're you guys…" She yawned. "What're you guys doing in Twister's room?"
Leila turned her head sharply to face Zi, ignoring her. "This is my bed – how did she –" For a moment, she seemed at a loss of words. Her cheeks burned red again as she tried to speak. "I – you – how did this happen?" she wailed.
Zi scratched the back of his head. "Morning, Eli," he said sheepishly.
Eli swallowed as a suspicion formed in her mind. She'd been pretty sure this was Twister's room…
Leila's blond curls bounced as she stamped her feet. "I – want – her – out – of – here!" she yelled. "This is our room –" Embarrassed tears slipped from her eyes. "It was a secret –"
Zi held his hands up as a sign of peace. "Don't worry," he tried to soothe her, looking ridiculously out of place near the lacy bed. He seemed too tall and uncoordinated, gangly as he tried to edge away from the bed slowly. "We'll get her out of here." He looked at Eli from the corner of his eye. Leila sniffled, folding her hands firmly across her chest.
"Out of where?" Eli asked, fear pooling in her stomach. Oh, no, God, please, no…
Zi looked from one to the other, a look of complete helplessness in his solemn eyes. "Erm… Eli, this is my room."
Eli jumped in the bed. "No – no way – whoa." She rushed out of the bed as fast as she could, throwing the covers as she left. They flew up in the air before landing on Leila, covering her head. "Oh no!" Eli squeaked.
Leila threw them off, her lips a tight line. Zi cringed at her expression. "I didn't mean to –" Eli hurried to explain. She felt her muscles were tense, almost as if she'd curl in on herself. Her was heart beating behind her ears.
Leila's eyes narrowed. "Don't you ever sneak into my bed, ever again! And this isn't even your room! Listen up –" Her voice turned dangerously loud. "I don't have anything against you, since you're new – but I'm not forced to like you either –"
Eli's heart missed a beat. But… Elijah had said that they were the Strange Crowd… They were in this together, like a family, weren't they?
Zi stumbled back. "Leil, that's enough," he said firmly.
"No, it is not enough!" Leila jerked back, almost as if he'd hit her. "She needs to know that not everyone here is going to love her just because she's herself –" Her tone of voice rose another notch. "Yeah, we're stuck together, that sucks, I get it – but it doesn't make me her friend, and it doesn't make me forgive her for staying the night in my boyfriend's room, in my pajamas, in my bed!" She huffed, her cheeks an ugly shade of scarlet.
Eli stared at her, the fear subsiding. It was replaced with the most curious feeling of her heart falling to the ground. So… she wasn't being accepted after all, was she? Just like she wasn't being accepted anywhere else. Even during this fight, Leila wasn't really addressing her… Her hands were growing warm again.
Zi took another step back. "But I wasn't here tonight –" His blush deepened. "Besides, she made a mistake. You made a ton when you first got here, you –"
"Ugh! You're so annoying!" Leila flared up again.
Eli raised her hands like Zi did before. "I'm sorry, guys," she whispered. "Really, don't fight –"
Leila opened her mouth, her eyebrows raised in an incredulous way when the door slammed open. "Hey, man –" Elijah's dark head poked in. "Oh." He stopped short when he spotted the three, Eli still with her arms raised between them. His mouth twitched at the corners, his eyes lingering on Leila and Eli. "I thought I heard screaming." He opened the door wide, walking in casually. His clothes were different today, but his eyes were the same dark abyss. He grabbed onto Eli's wrist. "Sorry for the bother," he said as he dragged her away.
Eli squirmed under his grip. The hot sensation in her stomach wasn't cooling off. "Let me go, I have to apologize –" She wriggled, trying to pry his hand off her wrist.
In the hall, Elijah freed it. "And you think that would help?" His voice sounded odd, his eyebrows pulled down. "Even Leila has some rules you should never pass."
Eli's hands balled into fists. "How could I have known?" she yelled.
Elijah sighed. "You couldn't have. I know." He rubbed his forehead. "Sorry," he apologized. "It's just, Zi's the one thing Leila's serious about – she's one nasty girl." He smiled unpleasantly. "She can hurt you. Look, I don't know you so well –" His eyebrows pulled down again. "But please try to have some self-awareness. I've got to live with you now. So be careful."
He paused while Eli thought it over. "You're rather honest, aren't you?" she asked at last.
Elijah laughed shortly. "How'd you figure that?"
"You didn't tell me that you cared or anything…" Eli shuddered slightly. No fire, no fire, no fire… "Just to watch out. Just to be careful. That's…" She paused. "That's honest of you."
Elijah shrugged. "Right. Whatever you say, Eli." He stared at the white wall behind her. "We should go to breakfast now," he finally said.
Eli rubbed her wrist, her lower lip slipping out in a pout. "You could've been gentler," she complained as they walked.
"Careful?" Elijah laughed. The air around them seemed just a little bit lighter. "I was trying to save you from getting killed, and that's the thanks I get?"
Eli paused for a moment. "Thanks."
Elijah looked straight ahead. "Erm, right. No problem. Just watch your step with people here."
Eli nodded. "I will. Promise."


The table was already served as Eli took her seat next to Twister. The girl's hair lay in disarray over her shoulders as she munched on her cereal. "Morning," she greeted them happily.
Elijah huffed in response, landing on a chair farthest away from Eli. "Morning, kid," he grunted.
"Yeah, good morning." Eli tried her best to smile. After a few bites at a cookie, Eli gave up. Her stomach was still too full of the hot fear and shame. On an impulse decision, she picked up a few pieces of toast. "I think I'm going to go give this to Nick."
Elijah choked on his juice. "N-nick?" he asked, eyes watering. "No way, sis. Sit back down."
Eli watched him warily. "Why not? When I saw him last night he seemed too thin –"
Elijah's eyes were grave. "No."
"Fine." Eli slumped back in her seat. Her hands were itching for something to do, but she felt too awkward to ask Elijah now. She frowned.
Twister grinned at her. "We have some of Elijah's books in our room, you can go read them if you'd like."
Eli squeezed the little girl's shoulders gratefully. "Thanks, Twit." Finally, someone who acted like they cared… Eli's chest filled with warm feelings for the girl.
Elijah stood up abruptly. "I'll walk you there." His chair creaked as it dragged over the floor.
Eli's smile faltered. "That's so… kind of you." She grimaced.
Elijah was grimacing too. "Uh-huh. No problem."
As soon as they were in the hall, Elijah's face became more serious. "Don't hang out with Nick, listen, he's weird." His voice was urgent as he whispered the words.
Eli rolled her eyes. "And what are you? What am I?"
He looked her over thoughtfully. "I don't think I explained how this works, have I?"
Eli shook her head, confused. How what works?
"My power." Elijah sighed. "The power to create the reality I want." He grimaced. "Well, not the reality I want, rather…"
Eli's eyes cleared. "I haven't really had time to wonder, but… the rooms… all those things Twister has…"
Elijah leaned on the wall. "Illusions. But, in a way, the entire world is an illusion, normal people just don't notice…"
Eli struggled to keep up with his train of thought. "So, to me, is it real?"
Elijah considered that. "Yeah, you could say that. But… how should I put this?" His brow creased. "Let's say there are two roads, Road one, and Road Two. You want to walk down Road Two. I need you to walk down Road One. So, easiest scenario, I erase Road Two from reality. You'll still walk down the path Road Two used to be in. You'll suffer more than you would've otherwise, but that really is it."
Eli smiled fleetingly. "I… blow things up with fire. Impressive, huh?"
Elijah risked a smile. "Incredibly so."
Eli shook her head. "I'm sorry, about before, I'm not sure if we had a fight or not." She smiled uneasily.
Elijah grinned. "You're so strange," he sniggered.
Eli folded her arms across her chest. "Strange? You're the odd one here!" She waited a few minutes before adding, "How so?"
Elijah kept grinning at her. "You got me wrong. I think it's a good thing."
Eli smiled back. "I can walk myself, you know." She glanced at the door to the kitchen behind them.
"Are you so sure?" Elijah replied teasingly. Behind them, a door opened. Leila and Zi walked out, Zi's cheeks still a burning red. There was something odd in the distance between them.
Elijah put a hand on Leila's shoulder as she approached them. "About snatching Eli away earlier –" he started.
Leila's voice was very quiet when she spoke. "Don't you ever –" she hissed, "– Ever – lay your hands on me again, are we clear?"
Elijah blinked in surprise. "I didn't mean to –"
Zi's cheeks seemed to drain of blood.
Tears burst through Leila's hazel eyes. "Just – go – away!" she sobbed.
Zi swallowed loudly. His voice was hoarse when he spoke. "I – I'm going to go check on breakfast." He rushed out of the hallway, into the kitchen door, shaking his head halfway through.
"He's such a coward," Leila muttered to herself. She ran a hand through her curls making sure they were all in place.
Elijah's pale face seemed to grow paler as he realized the situation. "I better go… fix Twit something."
Eli scowled as she realized she was left alone with Leila in the hall. "Yeah, I – I'm sorry about this," Eli said awkwardly.
Leila shook her head, as if dismissing her concern. "Yeah, I'm spoiled, I know." She wiped off the tears with her other hand. Glancing briefly at Eli, she sniggered. "My pajamas don't suit you."
Eli thought about it while Leila straightened her shirt. "Maybe this is rude, but…" Why would there be a lacy bed in Zi's room…? "Why… Well, I meant… Do you guys, umm, you know, live together?"
Leila laughed slightly in surprise. "You're right – that is rude." Eli nodded apologetically. Leila's cheeks took an even deeper color of red. She stared hard at the floor. "Don't… tell anyone, okay? I… don't think… he wants them to know," she whispered.
"I won't," Eli reassured her hastily. She didn't mention that Elijah already knew, and who was really left besides him?
"My first morning here," Eli mused out loud.
Still fixing her hair, Leila smiled feebly. "What'd you think?"
Eli looked around at the white hallway. "Honestly?" She grinned. "Different."
"if you were waiting for the opportune moment... that was it." - Captain Jack Sparrow




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Hey! I'm in a rush to church but I read it. I love it. I can't accurately critic it at this moment but I shall return. Keep up the good work and thanks for the PM. When you write a new chapter, just let me know and I'd love to read them.
rena;;let the future pass and don't let go




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You told me to be harsh so. . .
I still don't know where this is going. Which isn't that bad. I guess I'm the kind of person that doesn't care to know everything that happens all the time. Confusing? I know, in a way I just told you to give more information, than not to.

What I mean is, there's a balance, you can give lots of information and keep it exciting at the same time.
It depends on what kind information you give the reader. Your story is really good, it's interesting, and creative. It's not boring, but it may be heading there.

Alright, you've introduced the characters. Now it's time for something to happen. Like overall, all that's happened is Eli's spent her first night. What's going to happen?
Do they have to form some kind of a team and save the world or something? (A little cliche but that's just an example.)

You are awesome with details, why not take that and use that to move on?

By the way, love your characters. They are so real. The powers you gave Elijah are really creative.
Super powers are cool, why not show us how unique your character's are?

More questions: What is this place? A special prison? Do they ever see anyone but each other? Why can't they escape? Why aren't they trying?
Show us your world! Only you can do that.

OK that about sums it up. Sorry if I was too harsh. Hope this helped.
Good luck with your writing! :smt001
Looking for someone who won't disappoint you?
Look to Jesus.:)




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Your characters are very realistic, I'll give you that. Zi's such a jerk. Why does he have to keep his and Leila's relationship a secret? Is he ashamed that his girlfriend's a temperamental psycho? And poor Nick, all alone in his box... :(

Your description is very good, and your style's stayed very consistent so far. Kudos for that.

Like Pretty Crazy said, though, I'm still not getting a feel for your plot. Luckily you've kept the story engaging enough that your readers will keep reading, but we should at least be getting some clue to where this story is headed by chapter three.
“Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.” Anton Chekhov




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Firstly, I apologize for not reviewing your stories earlier, I've spent so much time trying to put together my own. I think Pretty Crazy is right, you need to give us some sort of clues as to what might happen to keep us excited and persuade us to want to read more. I love your character's though, they do seem really relatable which is always a good thing. Anyway, I'm excited so I'm looking forward to reading the rest :)
*coco
"Do you know what my heart says now? It says that I should forget about politics and be with you. No matter what. You're a true Queen, a Queen any King would kill for." - Prince Francis ♕



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