How to Activate and Install your personal Exern Command Console.
To start with, remove the Exern command console from the packaging and inspect it for damage. Any cracks, chips or scratches can be refunded from your nearest computer retailer. If no defects can be found, then proceed with your installation.
Align the command console with the letters that can be found on the outer case, west-west, north-north and so on, make sure the correct side is facing upwards. Remove cable A1 and plug it into slots A and B. Make sure not to damage the sensitive inner pins that border the rims of the slots. Remove cable A2 and plug it into slots C and D, crossing under or under cable A1 as necessary.
Find the memory cartridge, labeled MC1, and place it on the table near you. Unscrew the metal shield plate on the eastern side o the command console and insert the MC1 into cartridge slot A as fast as possible: you have ten seconds to plug it in, refasten the command console and start up the console by unplugging cable A2 and inserting cable A3 in its place.
If you fail to do so before the ten seconds are up, the command console will shut down and you will be forced to return it to your nearest computer retailer, no refund is made beyond this point.
If you succeed, then notice that the screen on the western face of the console is now blinking. Remove cable A1 and plug it into slots Z and X, crossing over or under cable A3 as necessary.
An error prompt will appear on the screen a few seconds after relocating cable A1: Do you wish to proceed? (N/Y) Plug the Ocular Interface Node Keyboard (hitherto known as OINK1) into slots G and T and then press Y+Enter if you wish to proceed.
Another command prompt will appear: Default error with console GMH. Parent user unknown. Error traced to malfunction in file C:\WINDOWS\ Administrator\Documents and Settings\System 32\Important Files\$NtUninstallKB941569$\DONOTDELETEfiles\initialreadme
Do you wish to proceed? (N/Y)
If you cannot understand the error prompt, then go backwards through the installation steps until all pieces are packed once more in the original box. This point is beyond repair or refund, so you can either destroy your command console or send it to us for research: you will not be given any return money or compensating gift for doing so.
If, on the other hand, you do understand the error prompt and press Y+Enter, then wait as your screen fills with data absorbed from your surroundings; nearby CD’s or data-storage devices. When complete, the screen will flash green once and then power down: you will not need that screen for the rest of the installation.
Unscrew the metal shield plate from the eastern face and remove MC1 from its cartridge slot. Place MC2 in the slot where MC1 was previously; your console is now activated and awaits installation.
Insert CD drive F into slot J and wait for a beeping noise to start. If no beeping can be hear, tap CD drive F lightly, if that does not fix it, tap harder. When the beeping noise starts, the console begins to go into shutdown mode, due to overheating caused by CD Drive F. Slide Heatsink1 into slot H and plug in Utilitycoolingfan1 into slot I; the beeping will stop and heat level will return to normal.
Find a double-cable adapter and insert it into slot O. Find cable A4 and insert it into slot W and the right side of the double-cable adapter. Insert cable A5 into slot T and the left side of the double-cable adapter.
Attach the radio antenna to the screws on the southern face of the command console and adjust until static can be heard from the speaker on the northern face. At this point, the printer attached to the western face will begin printing out sheets of information onto the floor. Attached Guardrail1 to the screws under the printer’s exit flap to catch the falling papers. There should be about 500 papers in all, so the printer will run out of ink before finishing. To prevent this, attach an ink case (not included) to the hose that protrudes out of the end of the radio antennae.
If you have followed these instructions carefully and exactly, your command console will began to play Norwegian marching music and a 7 dollar gift certificate (to be used only at Macwellsoft retailers) will eject from a slit on the eastern face.
Enjoy your new machine and be sure to search in our catalogues for many others like it. Meals can be heated in the 7”x5”x2” space under the printer and you can grill steaks on the 4”x4” heater that folds out from the northern face, but only Macwellsoft applications and attachments are legally allowed to be used. You may not let anyone outside your immediate family use your command console, i.e. your friends. You may let them see it, smell it, touch it and covet it, but you are legally bound to prevent their usage of the machine.
Any such void in this user manual (not included with main package) will result in immediate liquidation of all files, data and metal in, on, above or nearby the command console.
Keep out of the sun; shield from rain; must not come in contact with poodles.
© 2009 A Few Rights Reserved “Macwellsoft, Exern Command Console User Manual”
