The Room

I am walking through this room thinking,
Why am I here?
this crowd is not a familiar one,
Nor is it a friendly one.
They turn on me quckly and are unrelenting in their stares.
How I ended up here is a mystery and leaves me intrigued
Did I get here by free will?
Was I somehow drawn by the promise of a good time?
I have wandered too far and somehow,
if I do not get out of here,
I will be turned inside out By the non accepting eyes,
watching me pace through this room warily.
These people convey ill feelings for outsiders effectively,
Their eyes burn through me, like a knife through butter.
I must leave but any sudden moves would be fatal.
The exit is too far and getting further by the second.
I feel that I am slowly losing my cool
I may break down before this ordeal is over,
giving them reason to pounce,
finishing me once and for all.
They can sense my eventual slip in composure,
they are circling.
I must muster up the courage to soldier on,
to fight off the butterflies,
even though they are breathing down my neck,
intimidating me; the prey.
Why can I not die so it can be over quickly.
They want me to suffer; it is all part of the plan.
Make me sweat,
make me feel inferior before the final stroke,
the major blow to my efforts of survival.
I go to run but nothing happens,
I am stuck to the floor,
legs numb.
My mind racing but My body is frozen.
I want to explode,
break out and be done with this room,
but nothing goes right for me.
I am doomed.
The room is now spinning and there is no way to stop it.
This will be my final resting place.
My time is numbered.
My knees will hit the ground,
and the vultures will feast on my slowly dying body.
There is no way to stop it,
My body cannot take this much stress.
But then, I start to think,
is this a huge joke?
Have I been made a fool of?
I play this thought through my head,
I feel myself start to form a smile on my face.
I couldn’t be more scared if I tried
But now I find humour in almost certain death
What is it that suddenly wants to spring out in laughter?
Is it a defence mechanism trying to give me a cool head?
Maybe it’s the adrenaline pumping,
heightening my senses,
giving me a new found strength.
Or maybe it’s my shaking hands that my mind finds funny.
Whatever it is, it is almost spilling out of me,
that’s when this hostile audience will spring into action.
Or will they?
Now I doubt the situation.
Have I just made all this hostility up in my head?

Wow. That was really good. I could really feel the character hating the gaze of everyone in the room and that he or she was so confused. It sounded a lot like me right now so that helped a lot. Thank you so much for that poem, it was really awesome.

I think you have an interesting concept here, but there are a few things I would address to take it to its full potential.

The most pressing of these is verbosity. This would be wordy for a prose piece, and for poetry it's very crowded. The language in poetry should be tight and spare, using only the words and images that are absolutely necessary and pack the most punch. You use a lot of qualifying phrases like "seems to" and "feels," and a lot of conjunctions like "as," and "and" when they aren't necessarily warranted; you also repeat ideas and mix metaphors, as in the line "They turn on me like a cornered dog at the blink of an eye and are unrelenting in their stares." Culling the poem for things like this, choosing the most original, evocative and succinct way of putting things and eliminating repetitions would make this poem more readable and more effective.

Also, I have to say that the last line leaves me cold. It's an important and a serious notion, but the expression is so flat and abrupt that it just sounds facile. I think it would help if you approached the twist less directly; let the reader work out what you're saying instead of handing it to them. The truth is that I can't think of a way to put it that doesn't sound trite myself; but I would play with it a little, look at metaphor and suggestion as ways of getting the message across more subtly. It's up to you.

Hope this helps. Keep writing!

~Stripes

Hey there! Creative Freak in the house yo! Just kidding, I don't really talk like that, L.o.l.
Anyway! This is an extremely good poem! I love it and could barely find anything wrong with this post! Only a few nitpicks:

Why, oh, why can I not just die, so it can be over with quickly?

You forgot some commas and the period should have been replaced with a question mark.

I am doomed.

Small nitpick: no period.

How I ended up here is a mystery and leaves me intrigued./,

In this you could either put a period to simply end the sentence or a comma considering the fact that you are asking a question in the next sentence.

I must leave post haste but it seems it is apparent that any sudden moves may invoke a riot.

Here I would rather you put "Movements" instead of "Moves", it just seems more sensible, but it could go either way, just a tip.

Hope that helped out a little. Good luck!

Hi there! ooh, cool title! *reads*
Wow! This was really good! I just have a few suggestions:

Try to keep your lines shorter. long lines are daunting to the reader, and if they're shorter, it feels even more like a poem.

You have a lot of good descriptions, and i like how the narrator's emotions went from confused to scared to crazy. Actually, i really like the parts where he/she wonders if it's all in their mind. it's unexpected, and it made me re-read the poem from a crazy person's point of view. You might even want to hint at their madness at random points, but that's up to you.

overall, great poem.
Keep writing!