Waking Up (in Apartment 5C)

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Waking Up (in Apartment 5C)

When I was a girl, my father would sit me on his knee
and he would say to me, “Emily, tell me all your dreams.
Because, you know, you can be anything you want to be.”
And I would tell him of the garden in my fantasies.
I was gonna plant rows of lilies, tulips, and daises.
I could hear the chirp of the birds and the buzz of the bees.

But then years piled around me as the trees shed their leaves:
my father died, and I dropped out of university.
Now my only garden is this apartment balcony,
where my sweet sound of birds chirping is the roar of the streets;
and my only botany is my boyfriend’s cheap skunk weed.
And he says to me, “Emily, you know dreams are just dreams.”

But I remember my Dad, some forgotten memory:
“Em, dreams will start rough, like a child crying in infancy.
But promise you’ll grow that garden, promise at least for me.”
So I buy a pack of seeds, and give that weed to the breeze.
I plant the seed so I might break loose, so I might break free;
I don’t want to keep waking up in apartment 5C.




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Wow. I liked this poem a lot. The topic matter is awesome, and I liked the first person approach to it.

just one little point: instead of long lines and an AABBCCDD rhyme scheme, why not try an ABCB scheme instead? The lines were a little long and didn't flown off my tongue the way poetry should do.

Also, keep an eye on those pesky capital letters!

Keep writing!!

Pgsgirl x
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Previously known as Pgsgirl7




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Psgsgirl7,
thanks so much for the feedback, and I'm really glad you liked the poem. It was my first real attempt at dramatic poetry.

I just wanted to know what you meant by "keep an eye on those pesky capital letters." Could you explain what you mean by this?

Thanks,
Alec




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NOOOOO!!! This poem made me sad. (technically it's really not that hard to make me sad, but whatever.) I know how that feels, when all the hopes and dreams come crashing down. When you wake up from the beautiful dream and find yourself staring at those cold, hard walls again....
You must be swift as the coursing river,
With all the force of a great typhoon,
With all the strength of a raging fire,
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon.



When we are children we seldom think of the future. This innocence leaves us free to enjoy ourselves as few adults can. The day we fret about the future is the day we leave our childhood behind.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind