Am I a good writer? Something I typed up....

I am currently in high school... I hope to one day become an author and publish my own series of novels (Like J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter or Stephen Meyer's Twilight Saga, though I don't think her books are very good honestly..But that's just my opinion.)

Here's a short little funny story I wrote a long time ago for my friends. It's not supposed to be part of any bigger story, I just wrote it for practice.

***
Who would have ever guessed that garden gnomes made such excellent projectiles? Squinting in the dark bliss, me and my partners in crime watched as the petite, plastic lawn ornament busted through the window of North Central High and crashed down upon the freshman dancing inside the auditorium. Their screeches of confusion and panic confirmed a job well done. Giving each other a nod of approval, we realized it was just about time for us to run for our lives as the gymnasium doors were kicked open by none other than our physical education teacher and football coach, Mr. Hush, shorty-shorts and all.
“Hold it right there, ya jerkoffs!!!” He exclaimed after giving an ear splitting blow into his whistle.
We were about a good ten or twelve yards away by the time he started sprinting after us. Despite being our guide on the path of health and fitness, Mr. Hush wasn’t in very good shape himself. He wasn’t all that old either; just about 29 or 30. Regardless of this, however, he was balder than a baboon’s ***. Just as red though, as he cursed and swore after us in the darkness, making ridiculous threats and remarks, such as contacting the FBI and tying our spinal cords in to knots when he caught up with us.
Glancing over my shoulder, the little speck about a kilometer away ceased its trash talking and collapsed in the parking lot of the school.
***

So, based on this, would you say I'm a pretty good writer for my age?

Also, I apologize if the story I wrote appears disorganized and crammed together... I just copied and pasted it so Yahoo Answers may have made it look messy...

Hi, I'm Rena. And yes, I like it so far. It had good detailing and expression. Keep up the good work. You'll be publishing that series in no time! PM me for anything and welcome to YWS. I'm sure you'll love it here. Everyone is nice and we're only here to help you out so enjoy and keep up the good work!

Hey there!

I'm not sure I could judge whether you're a good enough writer to be well published and all that off of just a few paragraphs. Writing is a lot more than a few sentences; can you develop characters clearly? Can you write a plot long enough, and entertaining enough, to be worth publication? This little bit doesn't let me know either of these things. It just gives me a glimpse into your style, structure, etc. Something to think about, yeah? Not to mention, you say you wrote it a little while ago. Have you improved since?

As to a review of this section, it wasn't so bad. I think you could have varied your sentence structure more in the first paragraph, and later on as well. All your sentences were long and wordy. Maybe sprinkle in some shorter and medium length sentences for variety!

Not much of a point of review: I don't think a teacher would call students jerkoffs. That's an offensive word and it could be considered harassment on the part of the teacher, no matter what the students had done. He'd get fired for that.

Best of luck with future projects!

Well, if you want to know whether you're a good writer or not, you came to the right site. I think that's what everyone here wants to know. FYI, I'm not trying to mock you. I really like your honest approach. Anyway, you definately can write. You're not one of those "The dog jumped over the fence" sort of writers. Their cases are hopeless. You just need a little coaching and you could go miles. You have a great knack for comedy, but remember not to use that in excess. Like Suzanne said, I can't really give you an advanced critique with just a few paragraphs. There are tons of things you need to look at like plot, character developement, considering feelings of an audience, and more. But I really want to hear more of your stuff. PM me if you get more up, (or write in my guestbook. I look at that more) and feel free to review my posts.

You described everything very well. I didn't notice any thing wrong in your grammar except it looked like some times it looks like you didn't double space after your periods and question mark. You did great. I think you should keep on writing.

I think that you have potential, but what bothers me is your sentence structure. You had one sentence for about half of the first paragraph. I think the general rule (just like an english rule - widly ignored in many circumstances) is that you keep one idea to a sentence. Tnat just makes the flow a lot nicer, and easier for the reader to understand what you mean.
Just a quick note, you should review four people's work before posting another piece of your work... or it might be 3 per piece now, I'm not too sure. Anyways, you need to review, so to make up for this piece, just do a few reviews, and then you can continue to post!
one more thing; you say 'I wrote this peice just for practice'. I don't mean to sound rude or anything, but you are sure as h#ll going to need to practice! No novels happen over night, and if you want to write a best-seller series (very slim chance for anyone, no offence) then you should write at every chance you get. Only one in a thousand, or some crazy number like that, make it to even getting published, and only one in a brittish billion make it to the best seller list! But by no means stop aiming high! I can see that you have good descriptions, and as long as you can think of a good enough plot, and stick to it (Which is really the main thing... lost of poeple give up once they realise how long it will take/how hard it is) then you could write a novel!
That being said, a lot of those people are amatures who don't know anything about writing, so if you keep to this site, and keep writing as much as you can, then you could well become an author one day!

Like Suzanne said, it's hard to judge by these few paragraphs.

More to the point than are you a good writer, is are you willing to be a good writer.

Quote of the Week:

"I see the notion of talent as quite irrelevant. I see instead perseverance, application, industry, assiduity, will, will, will, desire, desire, desire." —Gordon Lish

That's straight off the YWS front page, and I couldn't agree more. Are you willing to practice writing every day while other people your age are watching TV? Can you bring yourself to trawl agonisingly through articles and e-zines about writing instead of playing video games? Would you sit at a computer critiquing on YWS when there's a million easier things to do, like getting your wisdom teeth ripped out?

In short, are you dedicated to writing? If you are, that's worth more than any born talent.

You do write well, but the two things I would pick up on are a) your sentences, which are long and have too many clauses, and b) the amount of description you use, which is too much, for example, "the petite, plastic lawn ornament" - these two adjectives are too much, and petite is too specific. This is what I would do to improve the piece, though you may disagree:

Who would have ever ever have guessed that garden gnomes made such excellent projectiles? Squinting in the dark bliss, me I and my partners in crime watched as the petite, plastic lawn ornament busted burst through the window of North Central High and crashed down upon the freshmaen dancing inside the auditorium. Their screeches of confusion and panic confirmed a job well done. GivingWe gave each other a nod of approval, we then realized it was just about time for us to run for our lives as the gymnasium doors were kicked open by none other than our physical education teacher and football coach, Mr. Hush, shorty-shorts and all.

“Hold it right there, ya jerkoffs!!!never use more than one exclamation mark.” he exclaimed, after giving with an ear splitting blow into his whistle.

We were about a good ten or twelve yards away by the time he started sprinting after us. Despite being our guide on the path of health and fitness, Mr. Hush wasn’t in very good shape himself. He wasn’t all that old either; just about 29 or 30. Regardless of this, however, he was balder than a baboon’s ***, and .jJust as red though, as he cursed and swore after us in the darkness, making ridiculous threats and remarks, such as contacting the FBI and tying our spinal cords in to knots when he caught up with us.

Glancing I glanced over my shoulder,. Tthe little speck, about a kilometer away, ceased its trash talking and collapsed in the parking lot of the school.